We Can All Relate To This Pizza Guy's Refreshingly Honest 'Sick Note'

If you’re a mere mortal, you’ve probably woken up one morning knowing that going to work simply isn’t an option. Perhaps you had an extra drink (or seven) the night before and the throbbing headache and severe dehydration aren’t going anywhere. The hangover is here to stay for the next five hours. 

So what do you do? Tough it out and somehow make it to work? Not ideal. Make up some pathetic excuse that your boss will see right through? Also not appealing. 

So… Why not settle for honesty? Who knows, maybe someone will sympathize.

Business owner Blake Pendlebury chose this noble route when he needed to call in sick to work. 

After an eventful afternoon at a horse race — with a successful bet, no less — Pendlebury consumed quite a few drinks, rendering him way too drunk to go to work. So he wrote a sick note… On Facebook. 

Sorry Queensland, but you’ll have to settle for some other variety of pizza for one night. 

Well, we appreciate the honesty…. And we empathize. 

The racing event responsible for all this fun (and alcohol consumption) even got involved and congratulated him on his win.

Maybe we’ll take this approach from now on… No way it could go wrong. (h/t mashable)

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This 7-Year-Old's Impersonation of Taylor Swift Is Absolutely Spot On

There are some truly odd reality television series around the world. The United States is usually the champion of these, but on rare occasions, the rest of the world beats us in absurdity. Take Your Face Sounds Familiar Kids from the Philippines. Basically, it’s a talent competition in which kids compete by impersonating their heroes. 

Seven-year-old performer Xia Vigor recently took part in the show, and channeled her inner Taylor Swift. And it was pretty amazing…

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People Are Removing Tattoos For Free For Ex-Gang Members To Get A New Lease On Life

Past mistakes can echo throughout an entire lifetime. Just ask anyone who invested thousands of dollars into Beanie Babies thinking that the stupid little sacks of fabric would be worth a lot of money someday. A moment of silence for those poor souls.

But the entire world doesn’t have to know about your TY toy obsession; you can keep that on the DL.

But people who were apart of violent gangs and got themselves all inked up really don’t have as much of a choice. Their past mistakes and lives will follow them wherever they go until they remove the majority of their visible tattoos. Unfortunately, however, the process of removing tattoos is a costly one.

But there are a few places who are offering reformed ex-gang members a new lease on life by removing their tats for free.


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Jails to Jobs is one organization based out of the Bay Area in San Francsico that is providing free training to medical professionals, tattoo artists, nonprofits, prisons, and other government programs on how to remove tattoos for free or cheap to people looking to put their sordid pasts behind them.

“We see that as many as four out of five previously incarcerated individuals who successfully find a job do not return to prison. Keeping someone out of prison costs much less than sending them back, yet we as a nation, have primarily focused on trying to fix overcrowded prisons. A better, more sustainable approach is to help individuals remove visible anti-social or gang-related tattoos, get jobs and turn their lives around,” said Mark Drevno, founder and executive director of Jails to Jobs.


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One of the biggest hurdles ex-cons face when they leave prison is getting gainful employment and businesses aren’t exactly in a hurry to onboard someone who’s covered head-to-toe in ink with a criminal record.

Steven Burton, in his project Skin Deep, digitally removes ex-cons tattoos in photos and records their reactions.

He’s got a Kickstarter together to document the project and help bring awareness to community programs like Jails to Jobs that will help to bring formerly incarcerated individuals into the workforce.

Unfortunately, the return to crime rate for many ex-convicts in the US is high.


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Many people who fail to find gainful employment when they’re released from prison find it easier to return to criminal activity in order to earn a living. That’s why other programs like Homeboy Industries and Fresh Start Tattoo Removal are helping ex-cons not only help them get their tattoos removed, but also assist with job placement.

It seems like it only makes sense to offer programs that help people who are willing and able to give back to society, despite their pasts.


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Hopefully, this is a trend that will catch on so those who need a helping hand to reform have somewhere to turn to. (h/t kickstarter| prizesizeprizesize)

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These Parents Did The Best Thing Ever After Their Daughter Got Her First Period

Periods have been stigmatized for all of modern history, and only recently have things started to slide back into the ‘hey this normal and has been happening for as long as we’ve been a species’ mindset. 

Heck, even commercials for period products still feature some weird mystery blue fluid in them, because showing even a hint of blood makes many uncomfortable. I mean imagine if they were done this way instead:

Today, when little girls become big girls, they usually get a talk and go shopping for overpriced feminine hygiene products. One family took a different approach.

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For Brooke, crossing into womanhood came with cake. Because her big sister posted it online and because this is the internet, it became hugely popular with the masses, to no one’s surprise.

Plenty of folks are warning her of what’s to come, but for now, Brooke seems to be enjoying the temporary internet fame.

Congratulations Brooke’s parents. You’ve just set the bar.

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Study Says Puppies Understand Baby Speak Better Than Regular Speech

If you’ve ever played with a puppy, you’ve probably talked to it like you’d speak to a baby.  If you’ve ever talked baby talk to a puppy, you surely had a very un-fun person ask you why you were doing that. The next time this happens you can just say “Science!” and continue to play with your dog. 

A study published in Proceedings of Royal Society B showed some fascinating results about the effects of baby talk on dogs of different ages. The study was conducted by having female volunteers record the line “Hi! Hello cutie! Who’s a good boy? Come here! Good boy! Yes! Come here sweetie pie! What a good boy!” while looking at pictures of puppies, adult dogs, old dogs, and humans. 

 While there was little change in the pitch while looking at other humans, there was a noticeable difference when looking at the pictures of dogs. On average, the pitch increased by 13 percent for the old dogs, 11 percent for the adult dogs, and a whopping 21 percent for the puppies. 

The scientists then played the recordings over the loudspeaker in an animal shelter in New York City. Upon hearing these recordings the puppies rushed over to the loudspeaker and stayed there for a while. Furthermore, they reacted better to the puppy recordings than to the human recordings, staying at the loudspeaker for longer. 

The adult dogs reacted similarly to both the recording for adult dogs and the recording for humans. In both cases, the recordings were mostly ignored. They would glance over to the loud speaker and then go back to whatever they were doing before. Nicolas Mathevon, co-author of the study, speculates that “[M]aybe older dogs do not react that way because they are just more choosy and they want only to react with a familiar person.” 

This study was then replicated in France and Italy with French and Italian speakers, respectively, where it achieved the same results. 

Picture of French Dog Shelter (Maybe)

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So what does this all mean? An early theory has to do to do with the “Baby Schema” which is that humans evolved to find things like big eyes cute as a way to ensure early humans had a desire to take care of there offspring. As a result, we have a desire to care for other animals that also have a classically cute appearance.

However, this does not seem to be the real reason why we speak this way to puppies. According to Mathevon:

One of the hypotheses was that we humans use this dog-directed speech because we are sensitive to the baby cues that come from the face of a small baby [animal] as we are sensitive to the faces of our babies. But actually our study demonstrates that we use pet-directed speech or infant-directed speech not only because of that but maybe we use this kind of speech pattern when we want to engage and interact with a non-speaking listener. Maybe this speaking strategy is used in any context when we feel that the listener may not fully master the language or has difficulty to understand us.

So be sure to use a high pitched voice when you explain this to your pup tonight. Otherwise they might get confused. 

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Lady Liberty Will Be A Black Woman On New $100 Commemorative Coin

In celebration of the U.S. Mint and Treasury’s 225th anniversary, a new $ 100 coin was unveiled on Thursday. But, this coin is a little different. It’s the first coin in US history on which Lady Liberty will be depicted as a black woman.

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Elisa Basnight, U.S. Mint chief of staff, said:

“As we as a nation continue to evolve, so does liberty’s representation. We live in a nation that affords us the opportunity to dream big and try to accomplish the seemingly impossible.”

The Treasury said in a statement that it was looking “to the future by casting Liberty in a new light, as an African-American woman wearing a crown of stars, looking forward to ever-brighter chapters in our nation’s history book.”

The coin is only part of a collection that will show Lady Liberty as Asian, Hispanic and Indian “to reflect the cultural and ethnic diversity of the United States.”

The 24-karat gold coin will be available for purchase in April and is meant primarily for collectors, but judging by the response on Twitter, they might have to make a few extra.

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Nearly Half Your Coworkers Masturbate While On The Job And They're More Productive

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. It’s a healthy way of relieving built up sexual tension that results in zero STDs, births, or awkward goodbyes. Obviously, like anything it can become an addiction, but it’s perfectly normal in healthy amounts.

However, when and where you masturbate is probably as important that you masturbate and recent studies show that people aren’t really picking the best locations for their stroke sessions.

Because it turns out that almost 40% of people masturbate while they’re on the clock.

In a survey conducted by Time Out New York, 39 percent of office workers outright admitted to getting their self-freak on while at work.

Here’s the thing though, it isn’t just men who did the deed, but women conceded the fact that they masturbated on the job as well.

One anonymous female who took part in the survey said that it helps to relieve her when she’s feeling “hungover”.

And although it might seem kinda gross, it turns out that beating your meat or playing the clam xylophone on company time could have a lot of benefits according to experts.

University of Michigan researchers discovered that regular masturbation results in lowered cortisol by boosting endorphins and hormones.

The study also found that women who occasionally partook in pleasing themselves possessed a higher level of self-confidence than women who didn’t.

He says employees should use it as a healthy motivational tool for completing one’s daily tasks.

Maybe don’t use the bathroom that’s on the same floor as his office if you’re ever at that school.

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Online Deal Goes Bad When TV Turns Out To Be Giant Slab Of Plywood

We’ve all heard our share of online scams, but this one is definitely setting the bar high for scammers in 2017.

Facebook’s marketplace has had its share of bumps when it first opened. Among the various ads for cell phones and old chairs were ones for prostitutes, guns, and drugs. They’ve done a lot to clean things up, but it’s going to be hard for them to do anything about scams like the one Tiara Chatman fell for.

Upon closer inspection, the dimensions look right, and a slab of plywood that big is going to be heavy enough to be convincing, especially when the garbage bag meant to protect the screen from dust is embroidered with the TV’s tags and the whole thing is mounted onto a base.

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Still, I’ve never bought anything off of Craigslist without closely inspecting it and ensuring its functionality, mainly because people are scum and you occasionally hear stories of deals gone wrong, not unlike this one.

When the packaging was taken apart, Chatman discovered that the only thing she’d be able to watch on it would be paint drying.

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The masses who saw this were not kind.

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But a few were definitely sympathetic.

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If anything, this is a lesson in making sure to double and triple check purchases you make online before the exchange takes place, especially if the deal seems too good to be true. 

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Obama Surprises Biden With Medal of Freedom And Confirms Joebama 'Bromance'

Regardless of whether you’re a Republican or a Democrat, you have to admit that the memes that came out of Barack Obama and Joe Biden’s bromance are pretty amazing.

After Obama-Biden memes blew up, it got people a bit cynical, saying that the heights of their love for each other were a bit exaggerated and that the internet was fueling the narrative of how good of friends they were just for the sake of memes.

And I would have been fine with that. When I look at the realities of life I tend to get a bit depressed, so I was totally cool with their bromance being overly celebrated, even if it wasn’t entirely the real deal.

But it turns out that magic does exist, ladies and gentleman, because even Obama threw a surprise send-off for Biden.

And what’s more is that he used the word “Bromance” to describe their relationship, joking that “This also gives the internet one last chance to talk about our bromance.”

Obama called Biden the “best Vice President” the US has ever had, and awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Which an emotional Joe accepted graciously. But of course, Biden being Biden, he had to lay some humor down with a classic Barack anecdote.

He concluded by telling Barack he has his back forever, because that’s what bromances are for.

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15 People Shared Their Experiences With The Paranormal

Maybe you’re not the superstitious type, and you laugh every time you hear stories about people who swear they’ve been saved or haunted by ghosts. Sure, these stories are probably ridiculous and there’s certainly no compelling scientific evidence to suggest the presence of the paranormal. 

However, there’s no denying that tiny shred of doubt that can’t explain the random gusts of wind through the curtains, creaks in the closet, and faint voices in the middle of the night…. You know what we’re talking about. 

People took to Whisper to share their run-ins with the paranormal? Are ghosts real or is it a load of bullsh*t? You decide.

  1. When we were younger, my brother and I had to share a room one night. I had always heard whispers. This night, my brother sat up in his sleep and said "They're calling you. Go to them"
  2. I remember being at my grandma's house, I slept in the living room & around 2 in the morning I felt a hand brush against my foot and when I checked to see what it was I was pulled off the bed.
  3. One time I got a phone call in my old apartment, there was a quiet voice of a little girl saying"you should leave soon mister, or else the boogeyman will get you" the next day somebody broke in.
  4. There's a spirit at my job, it makes my car alarm go off at exactly 11pm every night I work.
  5. My wife woke me up to say that there is an intruder in the house. my wife died 2 years ago because of an intruder
  6. I saw a ghost once. My husband did, too. Sometimes the cats avoid that spot and I wonder if she's watching me.
  7. I think the ghost of my ex girlfriend watches me. I hear her voice when I'm by myself, she died 5 years ago.
  8. When I was 10 I didn't believe in ghosts. One day when my sister & I were home alone, I saw a pale lady dressed in a 1800s nightgown go through a wall. I've been a believer ever since.
  9. When I was younger I used to see a mans face appear in windows quite often, it was always the same man, never the same window
  10. My house is haunted, no big deal. But today the tv turned on by itself. Nope. I don't like that ghost.
  11. I'm sure my old house was haunted. My roommates and I heard voices, shared the same nightmare,saw figures and shadows when no one else was home and even woke up with scratches in weird places
  12. I was just sitting in my room home alone, and I have nothing on but my small fan, and I heard someone say "Mommy" .. I don't have a child ...
  13. I was home alone. Was in my room for hours. When my parents came back home they asked if I was in the living room seconds ago. I said no & they replied that they'd seen a dark figure standing there.
  14. nobody believes my house is haunted. yeah, the bruises and scratch marks all over me sure don't say anything.
  15. Once I woke up in the middle of night to see a woman a foot away from me. She was bent over just staring at me. We looked at each other for 10 sec then I looked away and she disappeared

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