The Internet Is Losing Its Mind Over This Man's Smoking Room Sorcery

With the exception of rewatching ‘Harry Potter’ (and sitting through that one weird cousin’s uncomfortably lame card trick) we don’t get to see magic very often. But maybe we’re just looking in the wrong places. 

22-year-old Isamu Felipe Nagano from the Gifu Prefecture in Japan stumbled upon some pretty impressive magic tricks — in the smoking area of a shopping mall.  

Nagano and three friends witnessed these seriously impressive tricks and uploaded this video to Twitter. 

But who is this mysterious, talented man?


“Without saying anything, [the magic man] started floating his paper cup,” Nagano told BuzzFeed News. “We asked him to do it again, and so he did without speaking a word.”

And it sounds like the guy seemed pretty pleased with himself.

“When he was done with his magic tricks, he gave us a smug face. He started smoking looking very satisfied, with a full smile on his face,” Nagano said. 

Twitter couldn’t get enough of this wizardry — the video has been retweeted nearly 60,000 times… And people seem to comment “WTF” quite frequently. 

“What! WTF!!”

Seriously though, how does he do it?

“It’s simple: That dude’s a wizard.”

Despite his Internet fame, the man’s identity remains a mystery. 

Screen Shot 2016-10-25 at 2.06.59 PM

“We don’t know his name,” Nagano. “But my friends who live around the area said that they recognize him although they too don’t know his name.”

Who knew that sorcery could be found in Japanese mall smoking rooms? (h/t buzzfeed)

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These Parents Became Our Halloween Heroes With Their Dirty Couple's Costume

Halloween is the holiday when couples can shine — they get to rub everyone else’s singledom in their faces and flex those creativity muscles with cute and punny couple costumes! And, let’s be honest, the best couple costumes tend to be sexually suggestive in some way. 

…But usually, X-rated couple costumes are relegated to college parties and bars. That’s why everyone is loving 22-year-old Brooke Bogin’s parents’ Halloween costume. 

The 22-year-old senior at James Madison University tweeted the following photo of her parents, complete with an explanation for their costume:

That’s right, her middle-aged parents were a “dill-doe.”

“This is one of the first years they are ’empty nesters’ so they have a lot more time to devote to fun things like this party they went to,” Bogin told BuzzFeed. “I always joke that they have more of a social life than I do!”

Obviously, she had to reward her parents’ creativity with a Twitter shoutout. 

“I thought the idea was hilarious and I was really proud that they are my parents and doing something so witty, so I just wanted to share it with my friends,” she said. “I’ve always tweeted funny things that happen with my family and my parents always joke, ‘You’ve got to tweet that’ when something funny happens.”

As it turns out, the rest of Twitter was also pretty proud of her parents — the photo was retweeted over 20,000 times. 

We are wondering how that conversation went.

 Honey, what sexually suggestive couples costume should we go with this year? Personally, I’d prefer something including a sex toy pun, but I’m open to suggestions. 

Clearly, the Bogins win parents of the year. 

TBH, this kind of couple costume was giving us major #RelationshipGoals.

We should all aspire to a love like this…. A love that allows us to dress up in wildly inappropriate and punny Halloween costumes when we get wild after our children leave the nest. 

And people even had some ideas for Brooke’s costume, as she is the product of her parents….

What a perfect holiday card photo that would be! (h/t buzzfeed)

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DJ Khaled Live Snapped The Birth Of His Son With His Own Music Playing In the Background

If you’re truly a fan of Snapchat, no doubt you’ve followed the adventures and antics of the unequivocal King of Snaps DJ Khaled. Whether he’s sharing his personal mantras or documenting getting lost at sea, he always has an epic video prepared for his loving public. 

During an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel this summer, Khaled confessed to wanting to Snapchat his son’s birth to the whole world. We laughed and nodded, assuming that even he had his boundaries. Surely, this was a joke. 


Well, he wasn’t kidding. At all. Last night, baby boy Khaled began to make his entrance into the world…. And Snapchat got an up-close-and-personal account of the whole thing. 

Oh, what’s that you hear in the background? Yes, that would be the sweet, sweet tunes of none other than DJ Khaled himself. 


We sincerely hope this story will be told every year at said child’s birthday. Also, this must have been a first for the delivery room doctors and nurses. 

Look, what more could a new dad want? A family and album promotional all in one. What a day. 

Finally, after some tunes and breathless viewers straining their eyes to see, there was a child. 

Now we can experience the miracle of life via an app originally designed for sending nudes. This is the future. 

He also took to Instagram to share some of the more ~photogenic~ moments. 

Somehow, we’re guessing that mommy-to-be might have been less thrilled about the contractions, though. 

We gotta, admit, this is pretty adorable. 

And here he is, experiencing the overwhelming miracle that is life. 

Can’t get this from a selfie.

Obviously, Twitter couldn’t get over how hilarious the whole thing was. 

And Khaled’s fans were pretty much in awe. 

Of course there was some disbelief and criticism over the fact that anyone would actually do that.

But hey, no complaining if you watched the whole damn thing. 

TBH, we all wish we could bring new life into the world this way. 

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These Christmas Tree Baubles Are Already Selling Out And You Can Probably Guess Why

If you can believe it, 2016 is nearly over and there’s only a few more holidays before we start what will hopefully be a slightly more calm year. And with Halloween just around the corner, it might seem odd to you that a certain Christmas decoration is already flying off the shelve.Nothing says Christmas like a vulva. That’s why one genius on Etsy has decided to start selling

What is it? Well, as we all know, nothing says Christmas like a vulva. That’s why one genius on Etsy has decided to start selling Christmas tree decorations shaped like vaginas


 is selling the baubles, which come in a wide variety of vibrant colors. And yes, they’re all handcrafted with love.


And yes, they come complete with a jingling Christmas clitoris. There are also different sizes available if you don’t think that having a massive vagina on your tree is appropriate. 


Believe it or not, they’ve been selling hundreds of these things from as early as August. And customers are very satisfied with their purchases. One customer even went as far as to call them “vagtastic.”

If you want to oblige, you can find them here

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21 Men Reveal Their Biggest Dating Deal Breakers

If you get inside your own head, then dating can become ridiculously complicated. You don’t want to seem too needy, but at the same time if you like someone, you want to let them know it, but just, not too much because again, the neediness.

And because romantic relationships have reached absurdly weird rules of engagement in our modern times, it’s easy to lose sight of the original reason people came up with “dating” in the first place: it was to see whether or not a person was a suitable lifetime partner.

And if you’ve ever used an online dating service, it’s clear to see that women hold all the power: they’re constantly flooded with messages from hopeful guys so women can be picky. But guys can be picky too, and some dudes on Reddit got together to discuss their biggest dating deal breakers.


Saying no to dating me. Im just like, yeah this isnt gonna work.



Having no interest in anything. I don’t care if you love makeup and talk to me for hours about it, but seeing someone be so passionate about something is amazing. I love movies and could talk about my favorites for hours. I just want to see an interest in what makes you, you.



An inability to have a conversation.

I can’t tell you how many times I have done all the talking on the date. I try to ask questions and am met with three word responses. “It’s alright”, “Yea, its a job” etc.



bad breath. them talking to me telling me their current relationship isnt working out and it will be over soon. i have a friend caught in that right now. he met a girl at the pool at his apartment complex, and she flirted with him, they exchanged numbers, and he found out she has a boyfriend but at the same time is trying to hook up with my friend and telling him she wants to date him, that it isn’t working out with her current boyfriend.

i told him not to fall for that. because if one thing goes wrong if she breaks up with her b/f and the two of you date, she’ll do the same exact thing to you, meet another guy and tell him it isn’t working out with you and go behind your back and cheat.



An annoying laugh.

There is a good reason why hyenas only mate once a year.



Someone who needs to tear others down in order to feel good about herself.



When a girl plays the victim in everything, it’s really hard to believe them when they say that something bad happens. I’ve found this is often paired with a sense of entitlement, and that they just end up living in their own little world all the time.



Playing mind games / doing shit tests etc.

I have absolutely zero tolerance towards those. If I spot a potential candidate doing that, I immediately lose a lot of respect towards him/her and become suspicious. The second time I see him/her trying to pull of some kind of similar stuff, it’s time for goodbyes.

I’m looking someone trustworthy and with whom I can be at ease. Not someone who tries to provoke a fight every day.



When she calls you stupid. Hurts really bad. I didn’t grow up the smartest kid, but I successfully graduated highschool with a 2.9. My father always brought me down calling me stupid and shit and when a girl says I’m stupid, dumb, etc just really breaks me down.



Smoking. It’s a big turn-off



Clinginess. Personal space & time is necessary.



“I hate drama”



A woman with no ambition. If you’ve got no goals for your life my goal is to avoid you.



I don’t mind cats but you’ve really got to pick up after them. If I walk into your place and the first thing I smell is cat it’s not going to work.



Refusing to ever be wrong. Lying. Not appreciating things done specifically for them. Trying to make me jealous (I won’t be, be with me or not, her choice.) Being lazy, boring, and unintelligent.



I can’t stand when a girl can’t hold a conversation or doesn’t ever have anything interesting to say. If I have to carry literally every conversation we have, I’m out.



Women who carry ‘purse dogs’ around.



Me: So what do you like to do in your free time? Her: Take naps… Sleep is my life. Why would you say that on a first date??



Definitely a penis. Deal breaker every time



after a bad relationship. hard drugs of any kind.


edit: I didn’t mean it as in a girl who just got out of a bad relationship and then did drugs would be a dealbreaker, thats very specific. I meant I just got out of a bad relationship with someone who did hard drugs and she was abusive, she didn’t only abuse me, she abused drugs. lol



They want or have children. I don’t take stress well, and I don’t really want to deal with children. Only two people I’ve ever met in thirty years have had children that I liked, so if you have or want children, I don’t want to go on a date with you.


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Here Are Some Jobs You'll Wish You'd Known About When You Were In School

Growing up (thanks to TV and school) we always heard about specific professions: doctor, lawyer, police officer, fire fighter, nurse — more “standard occupations” — oh, and reality TV star, of course.

But as we pursued higher education, we still had this limited number of professions swirling around in our minds as the only options post graduation. But, as it turns out, there are a plethora of jobs out there that we’d never heard of or really considered — all of which make decent money. Time to start thinking about those… It’s never too late, right? 

Redditor EduardoA96 asked the question we all should have asked long ago — “What is a great career path that kids in college aren’t aware exists?”

So, lost souls, here are some professions to consider:

1. Perfusionist 

Oh perfect, no one knows about my career. Only 3,500 people doing it nationwide and we are in a job shortage. I am a Perfusionist and run the Cardiopulmonary bypass machine during heart surgeries. Get a Bachelor of Science degree, then go to a Perfusion School (1 or 2 year program). I am 4 years out of school and made six figures last year. I probably averaged 30 to 35 hours per week. It can be stressful because you can kill a patient very easily (won’t happen unless you’re careless) but it is very rewarding to know you are saving people’s lives everyday.


2. Accent / manners tutor

If you’re from the UK/US, some people in China will pay you great money to babysit their kids so their kids can learn the “right” accent and manners. They’ll prefer someone with a college education since it’s more prestigious, and I know someone who was earning $ 50k straight away.


3. Stagehand


Stagehand, I am 22 I started at my local community college that I went to school. The starting position was $ 16 an hour and I was learning stagecraft, how to mix, focus lights, use the rail. Soon after doing that I started working for my local IATSE Local (Stagehand Union) and I am currently an apprentice there. I make about 40$ an hour doing the work and it is fantastic. I get to work for cool artists like Prince, Fleetwood Mac, the Who and see some really cool gear. Many people don’t really think about it.


4. Flight Attendant (although the consensus seems to be that it’s a better deal for people working outside the United States)

Flight Attendants. I recently started working as one. I get 72 days of paid holidays a year, more than enough money, they cover my language learning expenses and medicine is already free in my country. It is not an easy job, but interesting and beneficial one.

After being a junior FA you can become senior FA and then an instructor.


5. Card Dealer

Card dealing, just moved to Vegas. In 4-5 years you could work your way up to a top tier casino (cousin made it into Ceasers in 18 months but was a special case). Depending on your game could easily net 6 figures a year. Edit: tokes for Sunday and Monday combined were 700 usd a dealer. Gotta love football season.


6. Museum Worker

Museums! I am currently in my third year of an awesome museum studies program at my university and I also work part time in a museum on campus. It is an extremely diverse field. You could do: • Curatorial work – basically object preservation, both preventative and repairs • Collections Management – overseeing the accessioning, deaccessioning, cataloguing, and storage of objects • Educational coordinator – create and execute educational programs and collaborate with exhibit designers • Exhibit design – making those awesome exhibits you see, from the placement of the text and pictures to the actual physical construction • Basically anything else – museums need all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds. Digital design, video production, fundraising, HVAC, etc.

Museums are amazing and fun and creative. And you can pair museums with any area of study too.


7. Packaging Engineer

You basically engineer the packaging for products (so you hate that plastic clam shell packaging? You can be the solution!).

Great pay, interesting work and the job outlook is awesome. You can’t name many companies that don’t use some kind of packaging!

Not many school have the program, but if yours does, I highly recommend it.

8. Lesser-known health care professions. 

Doctor made a tomography

A lot of the smaller healthcare professions get forgotten by kids in college or high school. Everyone focuses on being a doctor, nurse, dentist, or pharmacist, but there are so many other professions in healthcare. Speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, respiratory therapists, medical imaging technologists (X-ray, MRI, US, Nuclear Medicine), radiation therapists, dietitians, audiologists, chiropodists, laboratory technologists. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some. They all tend to pay middle-class income or better with reasonable hours, they require specialized knowledge and skills that put your brain to work at least a little bit each day, and you get to work with patients who are typically quite appreciative.


9. Air Traffic Controller (especially in Canada). 

If you’re in Canada, air traffic controller. All you need is a high school education. There’s lots of testing to get in, iq and personality, but if you do you’ll get paid while you’re in training. Then, depending on where you end up and how much overtime you put in, you can make over $ 150k per year.


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17 Women Talk About The Most Romantic And Unique Presents Their Boyfriends Have Given Them

There’s nothing like getting a gift from someone, except giving a gift. It sounds cheesy but to see the look of happiness on a person’s face when you give them a gift is one of my favorite things in the world to do. When you see someone totally surprised and completely happy with something you’ve just handed them…man…there’s no better feeling.

In a recent Reddit post, these girlfriends got together to share the most unique and romantic gifts their boyfriends ever got them. So if you’re looking for ideas to show that special someone how much you care, take notes.


While not traditionally romantic, my SO took care of all of my little needs when I was overseas for two weeks. Gas tank filled, apartment spotless, laundry done, plus a bottle of my favorite wine waiting for us. I was so blown away by all of attention to detail!



Maybe it wasn’t really unique but the way he presented it was really original.

He gave me a cube made of tissue packages and when I opened it there was an external hard drive with all sorts of things on it that I had wished on a list the months before. (he just told me to keep a list of the things I wanted, had no clue he was planning to do with this, thought he’d forget like most guys.) The folders all had titles like “to the most beautiful woman in the world”.

Another time he sent me to the store while he waited outside and when I came out he had screwed a drink-holder on my bike.

Today he plopped my favorite kit-kats (peanut butter) in my bag while I wasn’t looking and it was such a pleasant surprise, because I hadn’t eaten any or even talked about this with him in months.

None of the presents are unique or even particularly expensive but the way he gifts them is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

Update: For those in the US without any access to peanut butter Kit Kats, my SO advises try a jar of peanut butter and regular Kit Kats.



Favorite present from my now husband was when we first started dating. He wrote down dates and places of different things we had done together on little pieces of paper and put them in a little jar… i.e. ‘first kiss – 9/8/14 Hibernian Cafe’. It was adorable. I still have it and read through it sometimes.



We were once out walking at night and I saw someone suddenly approaching us very deliberately and quickly. I of course did the natural thing to do when one is startled by another person, screamed loudly and jumped backwards a good 5 feet.

Turns out it was just our reflections in a shop window.

He got me a mirror for my birthday with “Don’t be Scared” written on it.



He took me to an arcade and bought me like $ 100 worth of tokens and we played the same game for hours and then bought lots of the little cheap prizes. I still have them all, including a little mood ring with hearts on it, and a lamp that’s a shark that lights up different colors.



So, my first real boyfriend was an amazing man that listened to me and really cared about me. I like to tell stories about how my brothers and I grew up. One day I mentioned that every Christmas, I would fall asleep to the sound of my dad watching Monster Truck Jam on TV. Partly because of that memory, I love monster trucks. My boyfriend bought us tickets to go see them in person. He hated monster trucks. He hated the noise, the crowd, everything. But every year for my birthday, he bought tickets and took me to see them. It’s unique and romantic because I don’t know of many guys willing to forgo their own comfort like that for someone else. And he listened to me and surprised me with something that he knew would mean a lot to me. :’) That goofball.



It wasn’t the gift, it was the sentiment. The major one that stands out was when my 2nd husband proposed.

It wasn’t formal or expected. It was on my 40th birthday and he gave me a gold ring. But it’s what he said.

“I love you, SFNB. I want nothing more for you on your birthday than for you to be happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

We were only dating 1 year. While it was too soon, the words he spoke…I have no words to describe my inner reaction. I knew. I just knew. The engagement was 4 years long.

In comparison, my first husband would gift me nice things for my birthday but then hold that over my head as he behaved badly saying, “But I spent X amount of dollars on that gift!” and especially his proposal was something along the lines of “Well, I guess I’m supposed to propose marriage to ya. SO yeah. Here’s the ring.”



For my high school graduation, my parents got me this frame that had the letters cut out to spell out the name of my high school…like this:

It was one of my favorite things in my bedroom but two years later, my house burned to the ground and I lost everything. For my birthday after that happened, my college boyfriend handmade another frame like the one my parents got me, but spelled out the name of our college. It was definitely one of the top presents he’s ever gotten me in the past 8 years of our relationship.



I am a true, real, female sexy lady (and currently hoping to find a new boyfriend through reddit)

The one thing my ex did that completely swept me off my feet was send me his personal banking information, credit card numbers and social security number



Last year my boyfriend bought me a jersey cow. It’s not really unusual for our life style but I imagine not everyone ends up with a cow for Christmas.



SO got me a bunch of socks for V day one year. I love socks. The diamond editions of the Disney movies when they come out of the vault. He’s gotten me a jar that looks like Sally’s Deadly Nightshade one from A Nightmare Before Christmas.

He gets me video games he knows I’ll like, buys me books he thinks I’ll be into. He got me a really nice laptop one year. A kitten. Oh, a gun! That was sweet bc I needed one and he worries about me.

We’ve been together 10 years so he knows me probably better than I know myself. These are just some of the more memorable ones.



The greatest, most romantic gift you can give your girlfriend is your attention and by that I mean, PAY ATTENTION to what makes her happy. Yes, it’s a cliché, but it really is the thought that counts. All of the best gifts I can remember receiving over the years, were ones that were special only to me. Read down this thread and you’ll see that the things being mentioned weren’t that awesome or romantic in and of themselves – they were romantic because they had meaning to the woman they were given to. Not only will it be something she likes, but you will also demonstrate that you have been paying attention and want her to be happy…i.e. the quickest way to a woman’s heart 🙂



My engagement ring has our birthstones inside the band instead of engraving it. Its the best present I have ever received.

He also once got me new wheels for my car and that was super awesome.



A battle axe for our anniversary.



honestly for me its was just a random candy bar outa the blue. i was having a not so good day and he went to the store for groceries, he came back and handed me some reeses and said i saw these and thought about you and thought you might like them, do you want them now or for me to put them in the freezer for you? it made me happy he thought about me and brought them to me. he could have just put them in the freezer since thats my preferred way to eat them, but he want to hand them to me instead of just saying “i got some reeses they are in the freezer if you want them” the other just felt so much more romantic and caring. and then he ate one later when i was feeling better, in front of me, cause he could…..



There’s the big things; for my birthday he organised taking me to the New Forest in a luxury hotel, with treatments organised, someone to babysit the kids and all our meals taken care of and organised. Total surprise, phoned my boss and dealt with the time off, packed my case and just took me for a drive. Was totally amazing and when we got there, a bottle of champagne chilling on the table which was the same brand we had on our wedding day.

But the little things; he gets out of bed before me to put the heating on and brings me a cup of tea each morning. He regularly surprises me with flowers, just supermarket ones most often when he’s been out picking things up, or my favourite magazine (which is like £1; I love it because it has puzzles in the back that I can actually do), a dessert for just us to share when our beastly children have gone to bed, a bottle of wine because it had a funny picture on the front, or rather, he annotates the bottle with his own artwork (dicks, he draws dicks usually)… they mean everything and make me feel like he cares about me.



I was sick and he brought me medicine, fruit and my favorite snacks. Stayed to make sure I was okay. Showing someone care and love when they feel disgusting and horrid does ton of romance wonders


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This Woman Named Barbara Looks Exactly Like Barb From 'Stranger Things' And People Are Freaking Out

Perhaps one of the greatest injustices of Netflix original shows was the apparent demise of Barb in Stranger Things. No apologies for the spoiler alert — it’s your fault for not watching yet). 

The one character who seems to have a good head on her shoulders (and who doesn’t get caught up in personal drama) perishes! Naturally, the good people who sit on couches and binge watch new Netflix shows were pretty outraged by this development. 

But one Redditor has some evidence that is making Stranger Things fans feel a little bit better… Perhaps Barb lives and is thriving today!

Redditor jujuness uploaded the following photo of a coworker and it is blowing everyone’s minds. 


And it gets crazier. The photo is captioned:

My coworker brought in her senior picture from the 80’s. Also her name is Barbra and goes by Barb.


We knew that season 1 couldn’t be the end of Barb!

The photo has blown up overnight; the Barb doppelganger received over 400,000 views. 

Reddit was relieved to hear the news, especially after the months of uncertainty about Barb’s fate. 

I think we finally found Barb.


Oh thank god she’s safe. Can’t believe it, but she’s a tough cookie.


She was in accounting the whole time.


But what is life like for her now?


Christmas lights would really start to trigger some ptsd


This calls into question those disclaimers are the beginning…


“Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead is purely coincidental…”
Yeah, right!


This level of similarity is no coincidence. 

Do the producers of the show know about this??

Someone tweet this shit at the official ST account.


They might have to change the storyline, now. 

#BarbLives, everyone. 

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19 Lawyers Discuss The Dumbest Things They've Had To Explain To Clients

Being a lawyer is a really, really tough job. It requires tons of school and unlike the medical field, you’re not really guaranteed a job once you graduate because there’s no cap on the number of people who can become JD’s in a given year. Medical schools are much more restrictive on the number of applicants they take in, so to be a successful lawyer you usually have to be really good.

So explaining the law to someone of average intelligence can be difficult, because you know the ins and outs of the American legal system because it’s your job. Interpreting the law for an everyday slob is a difficult task.

But explaining it to a moron is a hair-ripping nightmare.

Something these lawyers openly talked about in a recent Reddit post where they were asked about the dumbest things they needed to explain to their clients.


When I was a legal intern at a criminal defender’s law office, we had a client who was charged with murder. We explained to the client not to make any phone calls saying anything incriminating because it will be recorded. Where prisoners can use the phone there is a GIANT SIGN that says “PHONE CALLS WILL BE RECORDED”. On top of that, before you are able to call our there is an automated recording that tells you that all calls are being recorded and monitored (unless it is to your attorney, which are covered by privilege). Client made a call to his girlfriend that evening asking her to hide the gun.


2. “But…it’s FLORIDA.”

I had to explain to a client why their ex-husband could travel with their child to Florida without obtaining a passport. As in, I had to tell them that Florida was part of the United States.


3. Lawyers make money?

That they had to pay me. This is more common than you’d think. For some reason, some people think lawyers are like their personal spiritual guides or fairy godmother.


4. So, how do we get out of this one?

That you really can go to jail if we lose at trial.


5. I read it somewhere.

Not to a client, but other party. I was acting for a particular manufacturer. They were sued for an injury incurred by someone using a product made by a different manufacturer. I rang their lawyer and said I was acting for A and I didn’t understand why A had been named as defendant in the suit but the body of the claim said the plaintiff had been injured by a product made by B. I asked if it was a monster typo or what?

The response was that they thought A was the manufacturer of products sold under the name B. Now that isn’t inherently stupid, I guess. So I said that had no basis in fact whatsoever, and that A and B were unrelated competitors, and asked (as a matter of curiosity) how they had reached the conclusion that A were the manufacturer of B.

The response was along the lines of “someone in the office, I think it was maybe Jim one of our clerks, who thought he’d read somewhere that B were made by A”. That was it. No checking of the product paperwork. No company searches. No brand name register searches. No enquiries with our client or B. Not even an effin’ google. Just some guy in the office had once heard.

And on that basis they issued a very financially sizeable product liability suit.


6. Then what is entrapment, Mr. LAW GUY?!

That your boss sending you to a drug test after he walked in on you snorting cocaine off your desk does not qualify as entrapment. You can not sue him.


7. But they sent an email!

That he hadn’t really won a 20 million euro European super lottery from Australia that he’d never entered and that it was a good thing that his family, bank and church wouldn’t lend him the $ 2000 they said they needed to verify his identity (on top of the several hundred he’d already sent them) and that yes, his priest was right it was a scam.

This was during a clinic at a free community legal center. The poor guy had limited English and only $ 20 left in his bank account and he really did not want to let go of the 20 million euro dream. His priest had sent him to us for advice because he wasn’t having any luck talking sense into the old guy himself and thought lawyers might help.


8. But I do stuff like that when I’m sober all the time.

It doesn’t matter if you were sober or not. You jumped out of a third story window with a beer bottle and threw it at a cop. The jury is going to think you were drunk. Also, I think you were drunk.


9. …But why though?

I had a client once who was in trouble for stealing sample medications from a hospital. We got security footage from the DA as part of the evidence and when it came down we watched it together. The camera was literally 10 ft away in a well lit room and we watched her shovel prescription samples into a garbage bag and walk off. After it was done she turned to me and asked if I thought she was going to be able to get off… I said no.


10. When you gotta go…

Don’t signal to the judge you need to use the restroom during your trial by making eye contact and vigorously nodding while urgently pointing at your crotch.


11. Who’s the real victim here?

In my state we have this thing called Victim’s Compensation.

An oversimplification of how it works goes as follows: If you are the victim of a crime, and suffer some form of injury (e.g. psychological, physical, etc.) you can apply for a payment from state funds. If you are the perpetrator of one of those crimes (e.g. an assault, robbery, paedophilia, etc.) an order can be made for you to pay the state back an amount relating to that victim’s compensation.

I had a client who felt the process of being convicted for assaulting his relatives, and having to pay victims compensaation back to the state was arduous… and in return, he should be receiving victim’s compensation from the state.

… so that was fun to explain.

(edit: explanation was “you are not the victim in that…”)


12. That’s not how bankruptcy works…

I once had a client who wanted to declare bankruptcy. I explained he needed to have his tax returns for the past few years filed in order to do so. He said he hadn’t filed taxes in 20 years because “It ain’t none of the government’s business how much money I make.”


13. Stop telling people all the illegal stuff you did.

Why they should not have called the cops to tell them exactly what they did that violated the restraining order.


14. Breaking Bad.

From this week: Client: So I dont smoke meth, I think its from unprotected sex Me: So you would like me to explain to the judge its ok, you just bang methheads Client: yeah


15. But you’re my lawyer.

A lawyer can’t out and out lie. You said to them “yeah I burned his fucking house down and pissed on the ashes” he can’t say you were two states away….

That blew some my students heads.


16. So…we’re all in the clear, right?

I once had to explain to a client that he could, in fact, fire an employee for (1) stealing significant sums of money from the safe, (2) pulling a gun on a co-worker who questioned these activities, and (3) waving said gun in a customer’s face moments later, all of which were on camera.


17. Oh. My. God.

Represented a client charged with statutory rape who had a large number of…’explanations’ for the various evidence in his case that I had to explain would not be a good idea to testify to or argue to the jury:

  • The KY Jelly you purchased with the kid at WalMart was not for applying to an undiagnosed skin condition on your chest
  • The hundreds of pages of internet chat logs prior to traveling hundreds of miles to meet the kid, consisting of repeated explicit sexual overtures, emotional manipulation, lies about your age and wealth, and specific plans for how you would remove him from his parents home were not “meaningless banter”
  • The fact that you had an active prescription for Viagra does not mean you are “asexual”
  • The semen matching your DNA did not find its way into the rectum of the 13 year old boy because of your medical condition that results in “leakage” and the fact that when you are staying in a hotel room, you do not lift the toilet seat when you urinate, which must have resulted in in the material being deposited on the seat and transferred to the boy when he sat on the seat
  • You were not the victim, taken advantage of by the hypersexual teenager for whom you were you merely trying to provide innocent “emotional support”

I had to explain all of these things (and others) many times. Im not sure he ever actually believed any of them.


18. Jews don’t celebrate Memorial Day.

When a client called me this past memorial day and I asked why she was calling me on a holiday, she replied that she didn’t think Jews celebrated Memorial day. Never thought that I would have to explain that to anyone.

Edit : to answer some of the questions, yes I am Jewish, no I never told her I was Jewish. I have an answering service which took her call and emailed me the message which was that it was very urgent that she speak with me that day. Given that the courts were closed and her case was a paternity and child support matter, I thought it had to be quite the emergency. It was not. She just wanted to ask whether the suspected father was required to take the DNA test ordered by the court. I then had to explain what paternity meant.


19. Baby oil.

I sat in on a case once where the plaintiff’s lawyer had to explain to her that it wasn’t a slip and fall if she brought the baby oil with her in a squeeze bottle and applied it to the floor herself. The woman then began to act like she didn’t speak or understand English after. It was bizarre.


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These Are The Strange How-To Questions Your State Googles The Most

The people over at Estately decided to compile a list of the how-to questions each state searches on Google more than any other state. There’s some pretty odd ones out there. Hawaii wants 

There are some pretty odd questions being asked. Hawaii wants to know how to become a ninja, Washington wants to know to survive an earthquake and Florida… well, just take a look at what the poor people in Florida are asking.

And in case your state doesn’t already look stupid enough, here’s a full list of the dumb questions you’re asking.

ALABAMA:  How to draw a dog? / How to install laminate flooring? / How to play chess? / How to learn Spanish? / How to make love?

ALASKA:  How to fish?

ARIZONA:  How to make horchata? / How to use Skype? / How to call Mexico? / How to become a notary? / How to become a pilot? / How to fix a running toilet? / How to get skinny? / How to sell a house? / How to day drink? / How to join the Illuminati?

ARKANSAS:  How to add fractions? / How to evolve Pokemon? / How to get rid of moles? / How to get rid of lice? / How to hack? / How to make cheese? / How to lower blood pressure? (tie w/ Mississippi) / How to make money? / How to reset iPhone? / How to be healthy? / How to come out?

CALIFORNIA:  How to play “Stairway to Heaven”? / How to scare someone? / How to destroy a hard drive? / How to iron on patches? / How to play Dungeons and Dragons? / How to use dropbox? / How to use Github? / How to drive stick? / How to rig an election? / How to use hashtags? / How to use Reddit? / How to ruin everything? / How to spot a narcissist? / How to draw a circle? / How to build a time machine? / How to be a good boyfriend? / How to be a badass? / How to be a bartender? / How to be charming? / How to be good at math? / How to teleport? / How to be humble? / How to be invisible? / How to be vegan? / How to be rich? / How to stop global warming? / How to get your life together? / How to be an Uber driver? / How to convert to Islam? / How to join the KKK? / How to Crip Walk? / How to create change? / How to start a revolution? / How to jump rope? / How to troll? / How to get on Wheel of Fortune?

COLORADO:  How to play backgammon? / How to grow marijuana? / How to compost? (tie w/Washington)

CONNECTICUT:  How to be pretty?

DELAWARE:  How to get away with murder?

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA:  How to negotiate salary (tie w/ Massachusetts) / How to tie a Windsor knot? / How to use Uber? / How to use Apple Pay? / How to use chopsticks?

FLORIDA:  How to keep a man? / How to use Facebook Live? / How to be gay? (tie w/ Texas) / How to be more social? / How to do magic? / How to belly dance? / How to make money as a teenager? / How to donate blood? / How to become a lawyer? / How to get Obamacare? / How to get on The Voice? / How to change the world? / How to make jewelry? / How to break a lease? / How to get out of Florida?

GEORGIA:  How to hotwire a car? / How to get rid of herpes? / How to crack a safe? / How to bleach jeans? / How to be a good girlfriend? / How to be a man? / How to be a woman? / How to get a divorce? / How to be kind? / How to be successful? / How to become a porn star? / How to become a stripper? / How to get food stamps? / How to make alcohol? / How to make meth? / How to grow up? / How to make love to a woman?

HAWAII: How to divide fractions? / How to get rid of acne (tie w/ Nevada) / How to invest? / How to be a ninja? / How to swim?

IDAHO:  How to address a letter? / How to cook quinoa? (tie w/ Vermont) / How to cook rice? / How to draw? / How to register to vote?

ILLINOIS:  How to jump a car? / How to be a superhero? / How to ask someone to prom? / How to sell Beanie Babies?

INDIANA:  How to vote for Trump? / How to tie dye? / How to be popular? / How to be president? / How to Google something? / How to be different? / How to plan a wedding? / How to be free?

IOWA:  How to screenshot? / How to throw a curveball / How to make Jello shots?

KANSAS:  How to find Kansas?

KENTUCKY:  How to grow a beard? / How to quit smoking? / How to talk dirty? / How to be a cop? / How to make a baby? / How to get a dog? / How to hunt? / How to get down? / How to make dumplings? / How to pass a drug test? (tie w/ Tennessee)

LOUISIANA:  How to get rid of rats? / How to jailbreak? / How to jailbreak iPhone? / How to make bath bombs? / How to make goo? / How to pickle eggs? / How to dunk? / How to pray? / How to do the Harlem Shake? / How to play dominoes? / How to levitate?

MAINE:  How to get rid of fruit flies? / How to knit? / How to use a compass?

MARYLAND:  How to crab?

MASSACHUSETTS:  How to quit your job? / How to use Tide Pods? / How to delete Tinder? / How to make donuts?

MICHIGAN:  How to make elephant ears? / How to make beer? / How to quit drinking? / How to make a bong? / How to be a better person? / How to get unemployment? / How to make Jello?

MINNESOTA:  How to quit a job? / How to quilt?

MISSISSIPPI:   How to twerk? / How to lose belly fat? / How to lower blood pressure? (tie w/ Arkansas) / How to gain weight? / How to roll a blunt? / How to make a bomb? / How to get pregnant? / How to act? / How to get a job? / How to grow weed? / How to sew? / How to find god?

MISSOURI:  How to raise chickens?

MONTANA:  How to hard boil eggs?

NEBRASKA: How to quit smoking weed? / How to be gluten free? / How to join ISIS? / How to declare bankruptcy? / How to fly a plane?

NEVADA:  How to get rid of acne (tie w/ Hawaii) / How to install Kodi? / How to make French toast / How to open a locker? / How to be a heartbreaker? / How to cure a hangover? / How to survive a zombie apocalypse? / How to buy a gun? / How to fight?

NEW HAMPSHIRE:  How to fall asleep? / How to use Twitter? / How to tip cows?

NEW JERSEY:  How to activate iPhone? / How to stop Trump? / How to rob a bank? / How to iron a shirt? / How to open a jar? / How to be funny? / How to beatbox? / How to deal with anger? / How to hoverboard? / How to become famous? / How to be confident? / How to get ripped? / How to juggle? / How to make it in America? / How to control anxiety?

NEW MEXICO:  How to draw a rose? / How to be emo? / How to ask a girl out? / How to put on a condom?

NEW YORK:  How to ask for a raise? / How to give yourself a hickey? / How to use Bitcoin? / How to use dry shampoo? / How to use Tinder? / How to live forever? / How to be a boss? / How to be good in bed? / How to stop being a loser? / How to stop being lazy? / How to explain mansplaining? / How to get revenge?

NORTH CAROLINA:  How to run for president? / How to be awesome? / How to be cool? / How to be normal? / How to get Viagra? / How to play angry birds? / How to make money blogging? / How to do CPR? / How to learn French? / How to plant a garden?

NORTH DAKOTA:  How to boil eggs? / How to get a passport?

OHIO:  How to get rid of raccoons? / How to overclock CPU? / How to tell if someone likes you? / How to spray tan? / How to impeach a president? / How to prevent kidney stones? / How to ask a boy out? / How to pay off student loans? / How to ask someone to homecoming? / How to make memes? / How to make fire? / How to buy a home?

OKLAHOMA:  How to eat fried worms? / How to whistle? / How to smoke ribs? / How to sext?

OREGON:  How to hack wifi? / How to make floral arrangements?

PENNSYLVANIA:  How to use Pinterest? / How to get a cat? / How to make Halloween costumes? / How to get drunk? / How to defeat ISIS? / How to buy a condo? / How to write a novel?

RHODE ISLAND:  How to make money selling drugs? / How to roll a joint? / How to screenshot on Mac? / How to screenshot on a PC? / How to make an igloo?

SOUTH CAROLINA:  How to get rid of cockroaches? / How to improve credit score? / How to tie a bowtie? / How to be yourself?

SOUTH DAKOTA:  How to be single? / How to make slime? / How to tie a tie? / How to use snapchat?

TENNESSEE:  How to make extra money? / How to use Facebook? / How to get on TV? / How to grow tomatoes? / How to pass a drug test? (tie w/ Kentucky)

TEXAS:  How to bathe a cat? / How to get bigger lips? / How to spell 40? / How to spell 90? / How to get rid of bedbugs? / How to make gak? / How to use bronzer? / How to be romantic? / How to make a pipe bomb? / How to hold a baby? / How to grow a beard fast? / How to be a better wife? / How to be a better husband? / How to be gay? (tie w/ Florida) / How to become a Jedi? / How to be on top? / How to be valedictorian? / How to play clarinet? / How to graduate high school? / How to read minds? / How to sell your soul? / How to clean a gun?

UTAH:  How to attack in Pokemon Go? / How to catch Pokemon? / How to edit a PDF? / How to kiss? / How to make friends? / How to register to vote online? / How to start a blog? / How to train your dragon? / How to tell if a girl likes you? / How to tell if a boy likes you? / How to tie a noose? / How to use Excel? / How to be happy? / How to fix a zipper? / How to orgasm? / How to win friends and influence people? / How to dance? / How to camp? / How to make paper? / How to flirt? / How to sell a house?

VERMONT:  How to cook quinoa? (tie w/ Idaho) / How to kayak? / How to move to Canada?

VIRGINIA:  How to propose? / How to irritate people?

WASHINGTON:  How to bake salmon? / How to cook a wolf? / How to use a french press? / How to eat a fig? / How to be hot? / How to dab? / How to make hard cider? / How to compost? (tie w/ Colorado) / How to survive an earthquake?

WEST VIRGINIA:  How to French braid? / How to get rid of fleas? / How to get rid of ants? / How to lose weight? / How to last longer in bed / How to play Pokemon? / How to make money online? / How to make money fast? / How to play guitar? / How to delete Facebook? / How to make moonshine?

WISCONSIN:  How to impeach a governor? / How to farm? / How to retire?

WYOMING:  How to battle in Pokemon Go? / How to play Pokemon Go?

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