Researchers Directly Link All Levels Of Alcohol Consumption To 7 Types Of Cancer

Experts at the University of Otago just announced that they’re in the running to be the biggest buzzkills on the planet.

In a recent study, they’ve discovered that even one glass of alcohol can directly lead to mouth and throat, larynx, esophagus, liver, colon, bowel and breast cancers.

Unhappy Middle Aged Woman in the Kitchen Drinking Wine

And here I thought 7 was a lucky number.

Jennie Conner, an epidemiologist and author of the commentary on the study, said that with respect to cancer, there is no safe level of boozing, and any purported health benefits peddled by marketers are “seen increasingly as irrelevant in comparison to the increase in risk of a range of cancers.”

The World Cancer Research Fund’s Susannah Brown said, “This review is solid evidence to conclude that alcohol consumption directly causes cancer.”

Research shows that out of 200 women who do not drink, 109 will develop breast cancer.  The number rises to 126 for women that consume 14 servings per week and skyrockets to 153 out of 200 for those that consume between 14 and 35 servings.

The study was published in the medical journal Addiction, and links alcohol consumption to half a million deaths per year, roughly 5.8% of all deaths caused by cancer.

You can read the published study right here.

Will this news change the way you consume alcohol at all?

(h/t time)

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18 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. In these cases, it totally isn’t.

1. Tall Man Accused of Driving While Standing Through Sunroof

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hingham police

It’s like a bad joke come to life.

2. Verizon will cut off unlimited data users who use too much unlimited data

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pcworld

This is why I’ll never go to a Verizon-owned all you can eat buffet.

3. Beware of seagulls tripping on acid from flying ants

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plymouthherald

I have so many questions but the most important is where I can find these acid ants.

4. CrimeStoppers joins search for giant missing duck in N.J.

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Now that’s what I call a ducking mystery.

5. Tattooist jailed after drawing penis and swear word on woman’s back, instead of Yin Yang symbol

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getty

This is why you don’t get your tattoo from a ninth grade boy on the football team.

6. Colorado man lassoes, wrestles bear with Cheese Balls jug stuck on its head

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upi

You don’t f*ck with a man’s cheese balls, bear or not.

7. Places you shouldn’t play Pok​émon Go: during a government briefing on Isis

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guim

But what if there’s a legendary?!

8. Man Overdoses Twice in One Night: Police

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nbcconnecticut

Say what you want, but I want to party with this guy.

9. Japanese company offers ‘armpit fan’ to fight summer heat

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upi

Not all heroes wear capes.

10. Man is convicted of plotting to kill a judge with a wood chipper in a case resembling ‘Fargo’

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phactual

At least he’s a creative attempted murderer.

11. Scientists looking for invisible dark matter can’t find any

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“Guys, I think we’re going about this all wrong.”

12. Isis terror threat forces Michael Caine to change name to Michael Caine

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irishnews

It’s because his real name is Maurice Joseph Micklewhite, so he just changed it to his stage name. Guess ISIS isn’t a fan of Get Carter.

13. Man cooking urine causes evacuation at North Amherst apartment complex

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the republican

If I was the officer assigned to that case I would have so many questions.

14. Cleveland Police: Protester Lights Himself On Fire While Trying To Burn American Flag

Protestors Rally Outside Republican National Convention In Cleveland
getty

These colors don’t run…and they’ll burn your ass.

15. Nice Attack: Has a Bisexual Muslim Hustler Put France on the Path to Civil War?

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the daily beast

I guarantee this is the first time this sentence has ever been written.

16. School bans clapping and allows students ‘silent cheers’ or air punching but only when teachers agree

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nsw board of education

What. The. Hell.

17. Charges: South Jordan man opens fire on man who said he liked his hat

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weaponsman

“How dare you compliment me!”

18. Pastor arrested for breaking into rival church.

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This HIV-Infected Man Is Paid $7 To Have Sex With School Children

In remote areas of Malawi, it’s traditional for girls to be made to have sex with a paid sex worker known as a “hyena” as soon as they reach puberty. Village elders believe the act is a form of “ritual cleansing,” but the BBC recently interviewed one “hyena” who is HIV positive and has had sex with hundreds of girls.

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Eric Aniva, who is in his 40s, is a sex worker in the Nsanje district of southern Malawi. He was described as “enthusiastic for media attention,” and he told the BBC:

“Most of those I have slept with are girls, school-going girls.”

“Some girls are just 12 or 13 years old, but I prefer them older. All these girls find pleasure in having me as their hyena. They actually are proud and tell other people that this man is a real man, he knows how to please a woman.”

But girls in a nearby local village told a different story:

“There was nothing else I could have done. I had to do it for the sake of my parents,” one girl told the BBC. “If I’d refused, my family members could be attacked with diseases – even death – so I was scared.”

Locals consider the “cleansing” necessary in order to “avoid infection with their parents or the rest of the community.” Sex with the hyena must never be protected with the use of condoms. They believe that a hyena’s good morals will protect their daughters from being infected. 

In actuality, it’s led to Malawi having one of the highest rates of HIV in the world, with more than 1 million living with the disease.

While officials know the rituals need changing, they stop short of condemning it. Dr May Shaba, permanent secretary of the Ministry of Gender and Welfare, said:

‘We are not going to condemn these people. But we are going to give them information that they need to change their rituals.’

One of Aniva’s two wives, Fanny, told the BBC that she does not want the ritual to happen to her daughter: 

“I don’t want that to happen,” she says. “I want this tradition to end. We are forced to sleep with the hyenas. It’s not out of our choice and that I think is so sad for us as women.”

“You hated it when it happened to you?” the interviewer asked.

“I still hate it right up until now.”

“Not my daughter. I cannot allow this. Now I am fighting for the end of this malpractice.”

“So, you’re fighting against it, but you are still doing it yourself?” asked the BBC. 

“No, as I said, I’m stopping now.”

“Really?”

“For sure. For real, I’m stopping.”

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Celine Dion's Rihanna Impression Is The Greatest Thing To Happen This Week

While we thought our shameless love for Celine Dion couldn’t grow any more, she proves how flawless she truly is. Sure, she’s sustained a successful music career for over thirty years. But she also handled a tragic year with the utmost grace. She lost her husband of twenty-one years, René Angélil, and her brother, Daniel, just two days later.

Despite all the hardship, she’s continued to work enthusiastically and received the Billboard Icon Award at this year’s Billboard Music Awards. 

Simply put, the woman is legendary.

Her appearance of Jimmy Fallon last night was nothing short of incredible. The two played an epic game of “Wheel Of Musical Impressions.”

Because who doesn’t want to hear celebrities impersonate one another singing childhood songs? Previously, Celine herself was imitated by Ariana Grande on the show. 

At First, Celine seemed pretty nervous about the game, but, of course, she dominated and it’s entertaining AF. She channeled her inner Cher, Sia, and Michael Jackson. But her ultimate performance was a rendition of “Row, Row, Row You Boat” as Rihanna. Spoiler alert: it’s to the tune of “Work” and it’s awkward and entrancing.

Here’s a little sneak peak of Celine getting pretty into it. 

…Those moves. Even Jimmy was concerned. 

You can watch the hilarious clip below. 

The Rihanna magic begins at 2:36. You’re welcome. 

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New Mom Gets Amazing Revenge On Person Who Stole Her Creamer At Work

There’s always that one person at the office who seems to survive purely on other people’s food. One mom recently decided to take action against a coworker who was stealing her coffee creamer. How, you ask? Well, Reddit user Phantom0591 shared the note he found.

jXckVAJsWfXskjqk-bB4ARPkNu9rsJJplS--PlHRM9k (1)

Reddit users had mixed feelings about the prank.

While others made jokes.

What do you think? Did this prank go too far?

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This Koala Broke Into A Woman's Home And Tried To Pole Dance

Thanks to all those seasons of Law and Order: SVU, pretty much everyone is terrified of finding an intruder in their home. Unless, of course, the assailant is cute and furry. Nikki Erickson, an educator and competitive pole dancer from Australia, came face- to-face with a pretty cute trespasser in her home a little over a year ago— but she just released a throwback video of the incident. And the Internet cannot get enough. 

The video that Erickson uploaded to Facebook features a sneaky Koala who broke into her house…and tried its hand at pole dancing. 

The unexpected visitor actually showed up at a good time. Erickson returned from a long day at work was ready to “dance the shitty day away” when she bumped into the cute little intruder. Apparently, the koala was a well-behaved house guest: it “sat there while [I] talked to her and took photos and did not growl once,” she wrote on Facebook.

Naturally, the video has been shared 2,000 times. 

Now, we don’t mean to make generalizations about the species as a whole, but it seems that koalas probably aren’t natural pole dancers.

“She wasn’t so impressed with my shiny slippery chrome tree,” Erickson wrote. But the performance certainly made her day.

Unfortunately, the koala couldn’t stay forever. 

KoalaPic
facebook

According to the Huffington Post, the little goofball was rescued by Queensland’s Daisy Hill Conservation Park and named Larissa. “They made sure she was okay and in good condition, then released her,” Erickson said. Larissa even made the Conservation Park’s staff Christmas card. Because it’s hard to top a pole dancing koala. 

“I will never forget this day,” Erickson wrote. 

We understand. It’s hard to forget your first koala pole dance performance. (h/t mashable)

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Lady Gaga Just Posted The Saddest Instagram About Her Breakup With Taylor Kinney

To add to the depressing celebrity drama of the week, Lady Gaga proved that we’re all going to die alone— because if she can’t make love work, none of us can. 

For those of you who live under a rock and proudly proclaim that you don’t follow any celebrities, Gaga and fiancé Taylor Kinney have gone their separate ways. The two met back in 2011 on the music video set of Gaga’s song “You & I” (Kinney played the love interest, obviously) and got engaged on Valentine’s Day of 2016. 

The trailblazer in meat-themed fashion didn’t say much about the breakup publicly until now. Grab the tissues. 

She posted this photo of the couple to Instagram with a tear jerker of a caption.

Taylor and I have always believed we are soulmates.

Just like all couples we have ups and downs, and we have been taking a break.

We are both ambitious artists, hoping to work through long-distance and complicated schedules to continue the simple love we have always shared.

Please root us on. We’re just like everybody else and we really love each other.

Remember when they were happy??

Does true love even exist?

According to the ever-reliable rumor mill, the two broke up in early July and Gaga hasn’t been wearing her ring. 

…We’ll just be here with a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s. 

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'Making A Murderer' Is Getting A Second Season, Here's Everything We Know

Remember earlier this year when everyone was losing their minds over Making A Murderer? Well, Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey are about to make a return. Netflix has confirmed that season 2 is currently in production. 

The new episodes will feature Avery’s new lawyer Kathleen Zellner as she takes on the case. In a statement, show runners Laura Ricciardi and Moira Demos said:

“We are extremely grateful for the tremendous response to, and support of, the series.

“The viewers’ interest and attention has ensured that the story is not over, and we are fully committed to continuing to document events as they unfold.”

There’s no word on when it will be released, or how many episodes we’ll get, so we’re just going to have to wait patiently for that. 

If you’ve forgotten the facts, here’s a quick run down. In 1985, Avery was wrongfully imprisoned for 18 years for sexual assault. He was set free in 2003 after advances proved that it was another man. But he Dassey were quickly accused and found guilty of murdering 25-year-old Teresa Halbach. 

Many believe that they were set up by police in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin, to avoid a $ 36 million lawsuit for the wrongful conviction. You can read more about that here

Fans are understandably excited by the show’s return…

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Tattoo Artists Came Clean About The Worst Tattoos They've Ever Given

I’ve heard hundreds of stories about tattoos people regret getting, but a recent thread on Reddit asked tattoo artists on the site, “What’s the worst tattoo you’ve ever given someone?”

A few vets chimed in on pieces they’ve done in their early days, and other uses shared stories from friends in the industry.

A lot of stories echoed this one, with the customer refusing to listen to the advice of the artist

I did a cover up that I wasn’t proud of, but that’s what the client wanted. A couple came in to the shop asking for a cover up of an ex bf. She showed me and surely enough, a big guy’s name on her side hip. The good part was it was done in a light blue ink, easy to cover.

I already started getting ideas in my head of what to cover it with. Guy steps in and says, “No. We just want a star over it”. The name was about 5-6 inches long and I explained that a star that big would have to be, at least… 8 inches big to fully cover the name. Both said yes to this.

My boss walks over and gets on my ass for not suggesting something else, but I explained to him that that’s what they wanted. Both looked at him and nodded. By the time it was done, this small, petite girl had a blue star covering her entire hip area. It looked cheap, tacky, ghetto mad, just stupid. After that, I refused to do cover ups if the client doesn’t listen to reason.

 MRW I finally catch a Magikarp in PokemonGo and see you need 400 candies to evolve it...

Some used to the tattoo as an extension of their entrepreneurial spirit

Asked my artist this. He told me that years ago some stripper came in looking to have vines and roses tattooed on that would come out of her butthole and curl up her back. He asks why not just get the roses on her back and butt, but she insists it must come out of her anus. He reluctantly does the tattoo for a a high price and said it looked pretty good too. But curiosity got the better of him after a while and he asks why she insists on having it come out of her butthole.

Her response was both the strangest and smartest reasoning I could have heard for such a tattoo. She would dance and she figured the guys would ask “hey how far does that tat go” to which she could say “for ten bucks I’ll show you”. So the dudes pay up a ten spot, she shows her asshole real fast and done deal. She’s richer and they looked at an asshole. My tattoo artist is not proud of that job.

This one was actually heartbreaking

I also asked my artist this question while I was in the chair. His story is actually kind of sad – he was working in a shop somewhere “down south”, and they used to have this Eastern-European sounding guy come in a lot with a string of beautiful Asian girls. The girls would get the same tattoos he had – they stopped serving him after this happened a few times.

The first time they assumed it was a couple tattoo, second time that he has poor judgement, but after that it started to look a lot like a human trafficker marking his “property”. He said one of the girls didn’t even know the tattoo was permanent. He probably regrets tattooing some of those girls.

One user actually requested a bad tattoo, and wrote about his experience of getting shut down

Best interaction I had was with an artist who told me no on a coverup.

I have a big cross and prayer on my arm. I don’t regret it, but I feel like i’ve outgrown it a bit. So I went to this guy and he was skeptical. He said it would have to be the perfect idea to pull it off. So I told him about an idea I had for a totem pole.

A few sketches later and he and me sit to draw over it all with sharpie. I loved it. I thought it was amazing. I couldn’t wait. I asked him when we could start. And he told me he wouldn’t. He told me I could have an amazing tattoo somewhere else, or a “Meh” cover up and this was too good of an idea to waste on something that wasn’t stellar. He explained that it could work, but there would be lettering from the prayer in negative spaces which would fuck it all up.

I thought I would be upset or disappointed, but he earned all of my business forever for being honest about the entire situation.

We start the full calf sleeve in November.

Many were subject to tattoos that didn’t have much thought put into them…

My sister in law just put a Pokemon valor tattoo on someone’s neck.

At all

The worst tattoo I’ve done is “An” beside his butthole and then “s” on the other side of it.

Unfortunately, when being a tattoo artist is your job, sometimes you need to do whatever pays the bills

I asked the tattoo artist this question while I had mine done. Someone he worked with got an estimate request for a vagina to be tattooed onto his taint. She gave him an estimate thinking he’d think it too high and moved on.

Turned out the other places he went to first quoted him higher, so he accepted. The guy I was talking too said he’d walk by her cubicle and see her bent over with the guy’s legs up, and she said she was fine the first hour or so until she took her first break. Then it was torture for her to finish

 

And a few stated that if people were going to spend money on a bad tattoo, they may as well be the ones to collect it

I’m coming into this thread real late, but I’m a Tattooer, and I have two that come to mind. The first one was “FUCK LOVE” across a Hispanic guys knuckles. I guess he had just broken up with his girl, and was really heated. Tried to talk him out of it, said his mind was made up, figured he might as well spend his money with me, and get it done nice. Gave him what he wanted and sent him home.

The other one was on a biker girl that got “Property of (guy’s name)” on her lower back. Talking huge though, literally half her back. Same deal as the last one. Might as well get it done right and might as well be the one that makes the money. Apparently her and the guy had only been dating for two months, and she had just had a baby with another guy. Even asked her when the guy went outside to smoke if she was sure, and that she could back out if she wanted to and made sure she wasn’t getting pressured into it.

She was just genuinely down as fuck for the guy, absolutely stoked to get that tattoo. Hope they’re still together cause there’s no way in fuck that giant tattoo is getting covered.

But most at least knew what their tattoo meant

Not an artist, but one of my friends asked for ‘Love, Laugh and Live’ in Chinese script; it took a few days before someone pointed out to her that she actually had ‘Please choose one of the tattoos below’ in Chinese script on her right arm.

(h/t reddit)

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