The Most Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened In 2016

2016 has been a brutal 365 days, here are the craziest headlines from the year that most people agree was an absolute piece of steaming hot garbage.

1. What a stinker.

2. You matched with chlamydia

3. It’s a slippery slope.

4. Please kill me, please kill me, I can’t take anymore Barney…

5. And they say romance is dead.

6. Where are they? So I know to, uhh, avoid them.

7. This entire election was something out of a comedy.

8. Someone let Russia know.

9. Isn’t that, like, the opposite of what Yoga is?

10. This post 9/11 world sucks.

11. That’s why my friend was so excited for Hannukkah this year.

12. Poor Khloe can’t catch a break.

13. I could’ve told you that

14. That’s one way to raise a child…

15. I would pay good money to see a bike and horse chase.

16. Kid’s got a bright future ahead of them.

17. How do you mix that up?

18. If it exists, there’s porn of it.

19. What if you just lose a lot of weight really quickly?

20. But it was for a CHARIZARD.

21. Guess there’s competition in pretty much every line of work.

22. He was such a sweet man…

23. It would’ve been great if it turned out to be Britney Spears instead.

24. Dance…NOW! Have fun, or die!!

25. “Hit it off.”

26. After using this, crapping anywhere else must really suck.

27. That’s what they want you to believe.

28. Raccoons hate drunk driving; little-known fact.

29. Yes, those kinds of aliens.

30. Ahh yes, the notorious spy pigeon.

31. How do you confuse farts for a child?

32. “Come on babe, what’s the worst that could happen?”

33. Were there not enough women to suggest for the list or something?

34. You can never be too high on the lord.

35. Well if you’re going to have sex for one kind of food, then…

36. Or why not use both?

37. So if your GF brings up something stupid you said years ago, that’s the reason.

38. I mean a talking snowman is pretty terrifying.

39. Now that’s a horse who lives up to its name.

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Recommended article: The Guardian’s Summary of Julian Assange’s Interview Went Viral and Was Completely False.

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2016 Will Last An Extra Second Because We Haven't Suffered Enough Already

Every four years, we add a leap day to compensate for the fact that the Earth takes a little longer than a calendar year to make a complete orbit around the sun. Without them, we’d eventually have snow in the middle of June. 

Well, to compensate for an unexpected slowdown in the Earth’s rotation this year, scientists have decided to add an extra second to 2016 to help keep us in sync. 

The National Physical Laboratory in the United Kingdom uses an atomic clock to provide a stable and continuous timescale for the world’s less accurate clocks to follow. And they need to add the extra second to the New Year’s countdown because standard time is currently lagging behind atomic clocks.

So as the clocks strike midnight tomorrow, they’ll show a time of 23:59:60 at the very end, delaying 2017 for a second. 

NPL senior research scientist Peter Whibberley explained:

“Atomic clocks are more than a million times better at keeping time than the rotation of the Earth, which fluctuates unpredictably.”

“Leap seconds are needed to prevent civil time drifting away from Earth time.”

“Although the drift is small – taking around 1,000 years to accumulate a one-hour difference – if not corrected it would eventually result in clocks showing midday before sunrise.”

The problem? 2016 has been kind of a terrible year, so people aren’t too happy about having to sit through another second it.

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Recommended article: The Guardian’s Summary of Julian Assange’s Interview Went Viral and Was Completely False.

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This Guy's Reaction To Exotic Animals Is The Purest Thing To Happen In 2016

If you look at any teenagers online profiles, it would be pretty easy to write off this generation of high school students as Instagram obsessed brats with no real passion for anything outside social media. However, for every kid glued to their iPhone, there’s a kid appreciating the incredible world around them. The latter are our hope for the future.

One of those hopes for the future is 17-year-old Jalen Brooks, a high school senior from Riverside, Illinois. A herpetologist came to his high school zoology class to show the students rare animals that had been confiscated from the illegal pet trade… And let’s just say, Brooks was pretty damn mesmerized. 

Classmate Jill Lojas tweeted a video of Brooks’ epic reactions to the presentation. 

Clearly, Brooks could NOT handle the majesty of the animal kingdom. 

“It began when he pulled out the biggest duck species there is! I was super intrigued,” he told BuzzFeed News. “After that,  then he pulled out the largest python I’ve ever seen and I lost it.”

Twitter is now “losing it” over Brooks’ enthusiasm. TBH, it’s just so pure and refreshing.

The video has been retweeted nearly 140,000 times — and it’s getting the meme treatment. 

As if the story isn’t adorable enough already, Brooks’ account of the whole thing is priceless. “He pulled out a series of crazy reptiles that were honestly dinosaurs in my opinion,” he said. “Then he pulled out the largest python I’ve ever seen and I lost it.”

Some people were equally impressed by the animals, and they wondered why their zoology classes weren’t this cool. 

It didn’t take long for the memes to start flowing in. 

The newfound Twitter fame has even landed Brooks some A-list followers, including NBA star Stephen Curry. 

Jalen, never lose your sense of wonder. 

jalen
twitter

2016 sucked, but the world is still magical.

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The 31 Funniest Tweets About The Second Presidential Debate Of 2016

If you thought the first presidential debate was bad, then you weren’t prepared for the show the free world was just treated to.

Between Trump’s surprise pre-debate guest panel, his (admittedly hilarious) quick quips, and constantly giving answers to questions he wasn’t asked, you could tell from the moment that they started the debate that he came to fight, and boy was it a show.

When both parties met on stage, the customary handshake was declined. The first half hour was akin to relatives arguing at Thanksgiving dinner. The famous Trump sniffle also returned, along with a potential 3rd candidate that crashed the party by landing on Hillary’s face, and the entire 90-minute SNL-esque event leaves us all wondering what to expect in 10 days, when the third and final debate takes place.

People had plenty to say on Twitter tonight, mainly because there was plenty to comment on. They’ll be talking about this for days.

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The 2016 Rio Paralympics Feature Medals That 'Rattle' When Shaken

With news of the four Paralympic athletes that outpaced the Rio Olympics’ 1500m winner making waves, people replayed the race online and noticed something strange on the podium; after receiving their medals, the athletes would all shake them a few times.

paralympics gold medal shake

The reason is an incredibly thoughtful one. While medals at the Paralympics always had braille on them, this year all 2,642 medals come with a new feature; they rattle when shaken. 

Each medal was designed with a metal ring inside, and a varying number of magnetic spheres within the ring itself. The gold, silver, and bronze medals each have a unique sound by design.

In the gold medal, the loudest of the three, there are 28 of those magnetically charged spheres inside. The silver medal comes with 20 spheres sealed within it for a rattle that isn’t as loud as the gold medal’s, and the bronze is the quietest of the three thanks to its 16 magnetically charged spheres inside.

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Each medal also features a pebble design going across the front symbolizing seeds that represent the courage, persistence, and development of the athletes. The 2016 Paralympics will end on Sunday, September 18th. Now when you see podium medals smile after giving their medals a little shake, you’ll know why, and it’ll make the scene that much more awesome.

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