Dad Has Bathroom Emergency and His 4-Year-Old Becomes His Toilet Cheerleader

When nature calls, all must answer. Even if you’re at a gas station. Even if you’re at a gas station with a child in tow. Even if it’s going to be incredibly embarrassing — it will still be less embarrassing than ruining your pants in aisle four.

Blogger Clint Edwards writes about being a dad and a husband. He’s also now known as a guy who writes about bowel movements, because his hilarious post about getting caught in a difficult situation has gone extremely viral.

Clint posts most of his family trials and tribulations to Facebook; he presented an opened packet of diarrhea medicine as proof of this escapade, and this story that will make you drink a bottle of Imodium before every family outing.

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We stopped at a gas station in nowhere Oregon, two hours into a 12 hour road trip to a family funeral, when the diarrhea struck. My wife and two older kids were in the van, while I was inside looking for cornflakes with my 4yo.

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We b-lined into the restroom, making it just in time. I had no choice but to take my 4yo into the stall with me. Aspen watched as I struggled, Moana light-up crocs on the wrong feet, blue eyes wide and supportive, hands clapping. “Good job, Daddy! Good job! You make two poops! Now three poops! I’m four!”  

“Yucky, Daddy. It’s stinky.”  

I’m not sure what happened exactly, if I’d eaten something wrong, or if it was the stress of traveling with kids, but what I do know is that my 4yo daughter is the Richard Simmons of pooping. I’ve never felt so supported in anything in my whole life. 

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She commented on the size, smell, and sound. “Wow!” She said. She commented on my work ethic. “You’re trying so hard!” At one point I had to actually push her face away from the business end of things as she clapped and cried “You’re doing it, Daddy! You’re doing it!”  

She’s potty trained, sure. But she’s also easily distracted, and prone to potty accidents. I suppose she’s gotten used to the positive reinforcement Mel and I give her each time she goes. And when I’m cheering her on in our family restroom, it seems normal, even appropriate. 

But when the roles are reversed, it’s just, well, awkward. Particularly in a public restroom where the man in the stall next to me was obviously holding back tears of laughter. Laughter that busted loose when she called me a “pooping-farting robot.”  

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Naturally it all passed, and as I buckled Aspen into the car seat, a small package of anti-diarrhea pills held in my mouth, Mel asked what took so long, and I rolled my eyes and mumbled, “You don’t want to know.”  

It was then that Aspen was kind enough to recount the story to her mother, clapping the whole time. I sat in the driver’s seat. Mel patted my leg, “Nice work, Daddy.”  

All I could do was say, “Thank you.”

Well, we now know way more about Edwards than we wanted to know, but it’s still a great story. Who doesn’t love a kid encouraging their parents to be the best they can be?

And it turns out almost every parent everywhere has a public restroom story to share, so get the popcorn if you can stand to eat while reading these:

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All the diaper changing, potty training, and accident clean ups are worth it for the day when your kid is all grown up and able to finally embarrass you while you’re on the toilet.

That’s what being a parent is all about.

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Distractify

Donald Trump Jr. Makes Offensive Tweet During Irma Emergency Announcement

Hurricane Harvey has devastated Houston. Hurricane Irma has flattened whole islands in the Caribbean, blasted the American territories of Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, and could be just the third Category Five hurricane in history to strike the American mainland.

Florida Governor Rick Scott is making it clear that evacuation orders are not to be ignored.

Important stuff, passionately delivered. Yes, the interpreter is a little distracting, possibly because the camera was closer to him than it was to the Governor. 

Here’s a reasonable dialogue about exactly that:

Is anyone surprised that Donald Trump Jr. tweeted something insensitive?

Junior got slammed in the rich guy equivalent of a junior high school locker and never came out. Here’s Hilary Duff’s 2004 hit ‘Haters’ (written about Lindsay Lohan, OBVS) for a quick study on just how disconnected Donny is from the present situation.

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