Twitter Comedian Digs Up A Bunch Of Racist Tweets From Donald Trump Dating Back To 2013

A Twitter user posted some really disgusting old Tweets from — you guessed it — none other than 45:

Let’s take a closer look at these.

Don’t got to this original tweeter’s profile. Seriously. You’ll want to break something.

 This “editorial” is what we like to call “Completely Made Up To Get Attention”:

And, of course, don’t forget about his wish to reinstate the death penalty in New York specifically for the Central Park Five, a group of teenagers (four black, one latinx) who were exonerated in the rape of a white banker by a DNA test in 2002 after their 1989 conviction.

Donald Trump is a white supremacist. There are no other words for it. And people like @Freeyourmindkid want to make sure the world knows.

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These Parents Wrote The World's Funniest Letter From The Tooth Fairy

Henry Warren’s son Sam recently lost a tooth, and Warren decided the tooth fairy needed to respond in a way that encouraged his son to get better at dental hygiene. The resulting letter will prepare Sam for a lifetime of dealing with dodgy gym membership contracts.

After the ingenious letter went viral on Twitter, Henry Warren spoke to BuzzFeed about Sam’s reaction to the tooth fairy’s correspondence. Apparently, Sam was “rather chastened,” but “one is never too young to be exposed to petty bureaucracy.” After all, the Warren family is British, and it apparently is the British way.

“Whilst the tone may have come across as a touch harsh, we think people should take the time to appreciate how hard it is being a tooth fairy in Theresa May’s Britain,” said Henry. “The Department of Tooth Fairies (DoTF) has not been immune to austerity. Barry’s hours are long, the pay is poor, (the free dental is obviously a plus) but overall it’s a tough gig.”

“We’re sure that Barry was just processing the tooth through the proper channels,” Henry said. “He’s a stickler. One has to be these days.”

From the Twitter response, it seems like Henry is inspiring other parents to take similar action. Pity the poor children who will get similar letters from pedantic tooth fairies in the future.

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These Photos From A Clergy Fashion Catalog Are The Best Thing On The Internet Today

I’m Catholic, so I must beg, Father, for you to please forgive me for what I am about to do—namely, show you stills from a clergy fashion catalog that bring all new meaning to the phrase “dad bods.”

British Twitter user Abi Bleach found these stills from the Wippell’s catalog, which has been outfitting clergymen since, literally, the 18th century (Europe is SO OLD, y’all).

And all I’ll say is that the blonde priest in these pictures is inspiring more than one deadly sin in me. 

Perhaps even more delightful than these pictures is the response from some actual clerics. 

A BREASTFEEDING CASSOCK. Plus, there is this crushable cleric selfie.

*Gives self the sign of the cross.*

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Joel Osteen’s Church Tried To Collect Money From Harvey Victims During Service

Pastor/founder/millionaire Joel Osteen caved to public pressure last week and opened his Lakewood Church to victims of Hurricane Harvey in Houston.

But Osteen is in hot water again after footage emerged of church ushers collecting donations from storm victims.

Dedicated to hurricane victims in the audience, the service includes Lisa Osteen Comes asking people affected by Harvey to stand up:

Many people in the audience do stand, and their fellow churchgoers pray for them:

Almost all experts agree that recovery from a disaster of this magnitude will be both slow and hard.

Comes tells worshipers that recovery from Harvey will not be slow or hard, but quick! And easy!

As soon as Comes finishes praying for the victims of the hurricane, ushers begin passing out collection plates so the people of Houston may donate to the church. Many of those people have lost their homes to the record floodwaters, while Osteen’s net worth is estimated at $ 40–70 million. 

Watch the whole video:

Joel Osteen’s eye is always on the bottom line: how much money can we make and what do we have to say to make it?

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Chief Of Staff John Kelly Wants To Fire Omarosa From The White House

John Kelly wants to bring order to the White House.

Among the Conways and the Mooches and the Spicers, it’s easy to forget that a contestant from the first season of Celebrity Apprentice has been walking the halls of the executive branch. But no-nonsense Chief of Staff John Kelly, who may be the only disciplined person cashing checks in the President’s employ, doesn’t like Omarosa’s habit of “triggering” the President with critical news stories.

Yes, a reality star is goading a reality star President, who gets grumpy, loses track of his responsibilities, and rails at people on Twitter. Kelly has no use for “people like Omarosa” who walk into the Oval Office and wind up the chief executive.

Kelly has established a system that limits access to the President:

Kelly has been trying to limit distracting news that crosses the President’s desk:

Whether or not limiting Trump’s infotainment diet and paring down his friends list will result in more efficient governing is yet to be seen.

America voted a reality TV show into the Oval Office, and that’s what we’ve gotten so far.  

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This Teen Stopped Her Friend From Committing Suicide And Today They're Married

Someone on Quora asked, “What is one moment in your life you thought could only happen in a movie?” and one of the answers, by Kevin Walsh, was especially astonishing and romantic. “I can’t not answer this,” he wrote.

“Once upon a time I was 13 at a summer camp and the prettiest girl I’d ever seen walked right up to me and said ‘black is a good color on you.’ No idea why,” he wrote. “We chatted and became friends, exchanged AIM screen names (it was the time) and stayed in touch for a while.”

“We fell off each others’ radar some time in high school, but I can promise you that not a day went by that I didn’t think about that girl. Even now I’m not sure I can say why – something about her just stayed with me.”

“In my senior year I went through some dumb high school stuff that seemed earth-shattering at the time, and fell hard into depression,” he continued. “I resolved to take my own life, wrote a note and went to where I planned to end things.”

“Somewhere between 5 and 10 seconds before I would have committed suicide, my phone rang. I checked the caller ID – I couldn’t die not knowing. It was a number I didn’t recognize, so I picked up and it was her.”

“I asked her what was up and she said she just felt like she had to call me. At that point it had been a year since we had spoken, and at that moment she just had to call. Long story short, she pried, I spilled the beans and she talked me out of it. I mean she literally said ‘What? Don’t do that’ And that was that.”

“She made me promise to call her the next day, and we hung up. That night I started writing the words which, ten years later, I’d propose with,” he said.

Walsh told Buzzfeed that talking to someone about his suicidal thoughts helped him. “There is power in saying it out loud. There’s a good chance that the moment it comes out of your mouth you’ll realize it isn’t what you want at all,” said Walsh. 

If you, or someone you know, need someone to talk to, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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Trump Complains About ‘Worst Fake News’ As He Returns To Washington From Vacation

President Donald Trump recently returned from a two week summer vacation at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. But by the looks of his Twitter feed, the time off hasn’t helped the President relax much. On Sunday, President  Trump took to Twitter to slam the mainstream media, which he calls “fake news” for being the “most dishonest Fake News reporting [he has] ever seen.”

The tweet most likely refers to the white nationalist rally in Charlottesville the previous week, and the controversy that has surrounded it. President Trump was initially slow to reply to the violent clashes between white nationalists and counter protesters, which generated much criticism.

Politicians like Senator Ted Cruz took to Twitter to condemn the “hatred and racism” of groups like “the Nazis, the KKK, and white supremacists.” Trump’s own daughter, Ivanka Trump, said on Twitter that there is “no place in society for racism, white supremacy and neo-nazis.” 

But Trump initially responded by saying that “many sides” were to blame for the violence. A White House statement later called out specific groups like the KKK. Only for Trump to later take to Twitter and seemingly call for Confederate statues to be left in place. 

And then this weekend, President Trump again took to Twitter to condemn 40,000 counter protesters who took to the streets of Boston on Saturday to protest a “free speech” rally featuring far-right speakers, which had attracted around 100 participants.

The same day, President Trump took to Twitter once again to praise the counter protesters. 

President Trump’s back and forth on the issue earned him praise from the likes of former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke on Twitter. 

While his comment on “fake news” seems to have indicated to journalists that they’re doing their jobs well. 

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Man's New American Citizenship “Welcome Packet” Still Includes A Letter From President Obama

The Trump administration has built a reputation of stupidity and self incrimination.

You’d think that the White House would have changed its own records to reflect the current President, but according to Twitter user Aisha  Sultan, that is most definitely not the case.

However, it brought up some really bitter feelings for Twitter.

The letter itself is a standardized communication. However, it very explicitly reads “Sincerely, Barack Obama.”

Oh gosh PLEASE let these last few months be a giant episode of Punk’d.

It’s truly ominous, in an administration that has been outspoken against immigration from the campaign trail, that the letters of welcome for new citizens have not been updated.

Hopefully it is not a sign of things to come.

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Mom Accidentally Orders Disturbing Pizza On Domino's App, Resolves To Call From Now On

Oh horror of horrors! Last week, on July 7th, a family’s worst nightmare came to pass when a mother, using Domino’s app for the first time, unwittingly ordered a pizza monstrosity for the family to enjoy. The app, which allows you to customize every detail of a pizza, includes many toppings options, such as “sauce” and “cheese” that are best left untouched. It is my deepest regret to inform you that the mother did not know this.

The mother’s creation will haunt her through the rest of her life:

People on Twitter don’t seem to grasp the full horror of the situation:

Fortunately, DiGiorno’s (the unexpected shining night of pizza), swung in to save the day:

After having seen Domino’s terrifying creation, DiGiorno’s wanted to make things right:

Then they made the best joke of all time:

Meanwhile, people were in awe of the innocent mother who must have accidentally deselected many important ingredients on her pizza:

While DiGiorno’s has stepped up, Domino’s has done very little to set the world back on track. In fact, they might have made things a little worse: whenever they were mentioned in the chat, a Domino’s bot popped up to ask if we might want to order a customizable Domino’s pizza. No, Domino’s, we don’t.

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Andy Cohen And Anderson Cooper Share Photos From Their Vacation And People Are Loving It

Andy Cohen And Anderson Cooper Share Photos From Their Vacation And People Are Loving It

Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are showing the world what being besties is all about. The pair are on vacation in Bora Bora and posting their shenanigans on Instagram.

Andy posted this pic with the caption “Caught a silver fox swimming by a deserted island.” 

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Travis is inspired by their friendship, and Andy’s shorts. 

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Andy’s shorts are a popular topic in the comments section, apparently. 

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Fashion designer (and former Princess) Diane Von Furstenberg made a guest appearance on the Friendcation as well. 

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Oh look, we’re talking about Andy’s shorts again. Chomp, chomp. 

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Owen may be onto something here. 

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Andy posted a video of the pair announcing dates for their touring show “AC2 Live: An Intimate Evening With Anderson Cooper & Andy  Cohen”

Also, Anderson tries on Andy’s hat. 

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Check out the announcement, the hat and (of course) Andy’s shorts in the video here. 

H/T: Instagram

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