Man Successfully Shoves 459 Straws Into His Mouth–And We're Beyond Impressed

A man in India named Manoj Kumar Maharana has been working hard to really accomplish something while the rest of us have just been sitting on our butts in front of the computer: breaking a Guinness World Record. 

The organization shared news that Maharana has officially broken an eight year record for most straws in a person’s mouth, coming in at 459.

If you want to see this excruciating process, here’s the vid:

Maharana’s accomplishment has a lot of people questioning what the heck they’ve been doing with their lives:

It’s never too late to try and break a World Record, and you just need to make it to 460. Then, hit the bar for drinks. You’ll be the most popular person there!

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This Guy Loves Celebrities So Much He Photoshops Himself Into Their Lives

Robert Van Impe is best known online at Average Rob, even though the life he showcases on social media is anything but average. With the help of a little creativity and a lot of Photoshop, Average Rob has embedded himself in the life of all his favorite celebrities. 

Also Spider-Man’s:

Many of the photos Average Rob seamlessly integrates himself into are pretty iconic. His captions and outfits ad a twist to photos you’re familiar with. He’s just a regular dude, hanging out with the mega-rich and famous. You can almost imagine yourself hanging out with them too:

Except maybe you’re not quite as obsessed with showing your butt to Spider-Man as Average Rob is:

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Woman Puts Trump's Qualifications Into His Points-Based Immigration System—It Didn't Go Well

It’s no secret that Donald Trump has been keen on cracking down on immigration since the day he stepped into office.

So when Trump endorsed a bill that would cut down legal immigration by half earlier this week, it didn’t come as much of a surprise.

The bill, called the RAISE Act, would institute a skills-based point system for entry, rewarding educated, English-speaking immigrants with high-salary job offers. The measure would also eliminate diversity visa lotteries, and maintains that immigrants who enter the country would be ineligible for welfare for a certain amount of time. 

The new rules clearly favor certain immigrants over others. Given the rigorousness of the standards proposed, Washington Post columnist Catherine Rampell wondered what would happen if the tables were turned.

Rampell’s assessment, which is, of course, highly speculative, doesn’t give Trump much of a chance. 

In fact, according to Rampell, Trump would score a zero in several categories, including “Age,” “Record of extraordinary achievement,”  “English-language ability,” and “High-paying job offer,” based on the sometimes ambiguous, sometimes absurdly-specific language of the bill. 

Trump’s final score: 18. 

The minimum score to even be considered: 30.

Some could argue that Trump would score in the top 10% of the English-language test, which would garner him the 12 points needed to meet the threshold, but there would most likely be applicants who would score well over the 30 points, potentially knocking Trump off the list. 

Twitter wasn’t too shocked by the results:

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An Animal Shelter Turned A Chewed Up Dog Toy Into A Murder Mystery

Wisconsin animal shelter Fox Valley Humane Association is the host to an adorable chocolate lab named Hank, who is in love with his favorite toy, a stuffed animal named Fuzzy Purple Hippo.

That love was put in serious jeopardy, however, earlier this month, when Fuzzy Purple Hippo was discovered one morning with serious injuries. Animal shelter employees feared the worst: ATTEMPTED MURDER.

Luckily, Fuzzy Purple Hippo survived.

But the investigation into Fuzzy Purple Hippo’s apparent assault continued.

Fuzzy Purple Hippo, meanwhile, went to see a therapist. 

But even after Hank’s arrest, protesters asserted that the adorable four-year-old dog was innocent.

Investigators began to study the case further.

And what they found surprised everyone. Hank was not only innocent—he had been trying to save Fuzzy Purple Hippo’s LIFE!

Fuzzy Purple Hippo and Hank will presumably live happily ever after in their new family, but if you want to support the other critters living at Fox Valley, you can donate to the organization through its website.

[h/t Mashable]

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This Artist Is Turning Stretch Marks Into Beautiful Rainbow Designs

Cinta Tort Cartró is an artist who is building up a name for herself on Instagram as Zinteta. Bored Pandareports that part of what’s made her so popular is the divisiveness of her work. People keep arguing about whether or not what Zinteta does is gross or beautiful, and opinions on that probably mostly have to do with how body positive you are. One project she’s been working on is painting in the lines of women’s stretch marks:

“Stretch marks are part of our essence, our moments, our lives, our stories and us,” Cartró writes on Instagram, acording to Bored Panda. “To accept all this is to accept your roots, your history, everything in it and, after all, accept yourself.”

Beautiful sentiment. And it also looks cool:

But another thing Zinteta does is paint underwear and tampons with rainbows to represent period blood:

That’s not something everyone wants to see a museum exhibit on. Considering how squeamish folks can be about a totally normal bodily function, you’d think seeing rainbows coming out of a woman instead of blood would be an improvement, but not everyone is read for glitter-filled maxi pads:

But Zinteta doesn’t care. She’s riding her rainbow.

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KFC Is Officially Launching A Chicken Sandwich Into Space

In what I personally think must be the most elaborate advertising campaign ever, KFC is launching a Zinger chicken sandwich up into space, in case any aliens want to try earthling fast food.

“We’re excited to be the ones pushing spicy, crispy chicken sandwich space travel forward,” Kevin Hochman, KFC U.S. president, said in a statement

The sandwich’s flight will last four days and sail through the stratosphere, at about seven to 30 miles above the earth’s surface. And though it all seems silly to some, the company is doing this in part to support World View, a private space travel company. “When we were first contacted by KFC to send a Zinger into space, we obviously thought it was quite funny,” said Jane Poynter, World View CEO, via email toMashable

“But we quickly realized this was a great opportunity for us to publicly demonstrate our breakthrough Stratollite technology to a large audience while simultaneously financing a significant portion of the vehicle’s development.”

The June 21st flight will be broadcast live online, if you want to see fried chicken history unfold before your eyes.

“We’re going to learn a lot about long-duration stratospheric flight, while at the same time developing and testing some core systems capabilities that we’ve never had before,” Poynter said. 

“For example,  this  is the  first time we’ll be testing our solar power system, which is the on-board, regenerative power system that will allow the Stratollite vehicle to ultimately fly for months at a time without interruption. We’re also developing and testing a real-time HD video downlink system, among other critical systems improvements.”

Eventually, World View wants to send tourists into space, they told Mashable. So in that way, the sandwich really is a pioneer. 

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Dad Photoshops Baby Into Dangerous Situations For A Heartwarming Cause

Stephen Crowley has blown up online since sharing a bunch of pictures he photoshopped to Reddit under a post titled, “I’ve been photoshopping my kid into marginally dangerous situations. Nothing unbelievable, but enough to make people think ‘Wait, did he..?'” Until now, Stephen’s pictures of his daughter, Hannah, have mostly been used to freak out other family members, but since sharing them, his Reddit post has become the 12th most popular Reddit link of all time, according to Peta Pixel, with over 151,000 upvotes. That’s a lot of people who like seeing a baby in danger:

Stephen told Huh Magazine that the fame has been almost as a enjoyable as tormenting grandma with astonishingly believable photoshop jobs. “I thought it would be fun to worry family by putting someone delicate in precarious situations,” he says. “Most of the reactions have been positive, with the odd person not getting the joke and commenting I ‘should be shot.'” He has also commented that he wants this viral moment to do some good, and draw attention to an organization called Be The Match

You see, Hannah was in a real life dangerous situation. At 4 months old she was diagnosed with a rare immune disorder called HLN, and over the next eight months she had to receive both chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. A transplant is the only cure for HLN. Stephen wants more people to read Hannah’s story and consider becoming bone marrow donors. He says, “Of 27 million worldwide donors, 3 were deemed suitable, and an anonymous German lady donated.” 

After eight months of treatment, Hannah is much better and out and about again, taking pics with dad. And they both seemed to have retained their sense of humor:

But what does Stephen’s wife think of all these? He wrote in a comment on Reddit, “My wife actually works for the Irish equivalent of CPS so she’s particularly bothered by these.” But they have apparently come to an understanding, and as we can all see— Hannah is perfectly safe in her dad’s arms.

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Daughter Of Police Officer Who Passed On 9/11 Sworn Into NYPD

Daughter Of Police Officer Who Passed On 9/11 Sworn Into NYPD

We’d all like to think that we’ve lived a good life, or a meaningful one. And although we know deep down inside whether or not we’re fulfilled, it helps to look at things situationally. Are you doing good work? It’s probably best to listen to people you admire and see what they think of whatever you’re doing.

And while it’s true that many things are based on opinion and the definition of what’s “good” varies from person to person, there are some things that are just undeniably great.

Like sacrificing yourself to save others in the face of a great national tragedy? You can’t really knock that. It’s safe to say that if you were a hero cop on let’s say, oh 9/11, you’re worthy of some praise and recognition, like NYPD sergeant Timothy Roy.

Now, Roy’s daughter is carrying on her father’s legacy after being sworn in as a member of the NYPD.

One of 474 new cadets, Brittney Roy, at 22-years-old, is excited to join the force and follow in the footsteps of her father and the other heroes she grew up admiring.

“Since I was very young, I grew up seeing heroes. It’s just always been a dream to be one of them, and especially what my father has done for the nation, the country. It was a true aspiration to be able to try and follow his footsteps,” She said during her swearing-in ceremony this past Thursday.

Timothy Roy passed away when he was only 36-years-old. He rushed to the South Tower right before it collapsed.

View post on imgur.com

Roy’s body was found the day before St. Patrick’s day, the officer’s favorite holiday. He passed when Brittney was only 7 years old.

NYPD Police Commissioner James O’Neill was struck by how excited Brittney was to pick up where her father left off.

View post on imgur.com

 “She’s really thrilled to be here and carry the legacy of her father. Her dad was the greatest guy.”

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Muslim Teen Writes About Black Lives Matter In College App, Gets Into Stanford

Muslim Teen Writes About Black Lives Matter In College App, Gets Into Stanford

I don’t remember what I wrote for my college applications, but it was definitely a handwritten mess. I recapped the plot to Fight Club, talking about the plot of the book like it was the most revelatory thing that’s ever been written in the modern era.

Sure, Brad Pitt’s obliques had a lot to do with why I’d initially become so obsessed with Chuck Palahniuk’s book in the first place, and I kind of cringe when I look back at what I was obsessed with back then as an angsty teen, clinging to anything that could be viewed as “edgy.” But as stupid as that essay was, I do remember writing it with a lot of feeling. As deluded as I was when I wrote it, I definitely believed in what I was doing.

I guess I thought I was making some kind of grand political statement that ended up not paying off. Like, at all. The truth was, I wasn’t really all that excited to go to college, mainly because I was put off by how expensive it was. I also didn’t want to settle for a school that wasn’t my first choice. There are times, however, where I wonder what would’ve happened had I gotten accepted to Yale, or if I never attended college at all.

But this teen’s risky college statement to Stanford, which asked the question, “What matters to you, and why?” paid off in a huge way.

Ziad Ahmed, a high school senior at Princeton Day School, decided that he would extend his passion for activism into every aspect of his life, including his college applications. While most students would fold under the pressure and probably submit another McEssay that highlights a story about a time they did something meaningful (and a chance to rattle off how amazing they are), Ziad demonstrated his amazingness by taking a huge risk and showing how seriously he takes his activism.

“I was actually stunned when I opened the update and saw that I was admitted,” Ziad said in an interview with Mic.

“I didn’t think I would get admitted to Stanford at all, but it’s quite refreshing to see that they view my unapologetic activism as an asset rather than a liability.”

Ziad received tons of praise from other notable Muslim activists and his tweet has been liked over 5,000 times.

The young student went on to say that his Muslim faith compels him to be a social activist, and that turning a blind eye to the issues that African-Americans face on a daily basis goes against his religious upbringing.

“To me, to be Muslim is to be a BLM ally, and I honestly can’t imagine it being any other way for me. Furthermore, it’s critical to realize that one-fourth to one-third of the Muslim community in America are black … and to separate justice for Muslims from justices for the black community is to erase the realities of the plurality of our community.”

If Ziad looks familiar, it’s because the 18-year-old has already been acknowledged on a National level for all of his activism.

He’s given a TedxTalk about the stereotypes Muslim teens face, was invited to the White House’s Iftar Dinner, was put in charge of Martin O’Malley’s youth presidential campaign, and worked for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign as an intern. Not to mention, he’s already founded two youth organizations and has been accepted to Princeton and Yale, in addition to Stanford.

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Guy Edits Himself Into Band's Wikipedia Page To Sneak Into VIP Lounge

Regular concert goers know the importance of arriving early at a venue when there isn't any assigned seating. After all, no one wants to get stuck in the very back of a GA show, craning to see the stage over everyone's bobbing heads and cell phone lights. This is infinitely more important if the band playing happens to be popular in your area because you know the place is bound to be packed.

Adam Boyd went to see The Sherlocks perform in Manchester, UK with a few friends, but got to the venue late and as a result had a pretty crappy view. Where Adam Boyd failed, Drunk Adam Boyd came to the rescue with a creative solution that made him the envy of every rule-following concert goer in the world.

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The band consists of two pairs of brothers, but they got another family member courtesy of Boyd's fast-moving Wikipedia edit.

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This isn't the first time a fan has used a Wikipedia edit to get a better view of the band, and it most likely won't be the last. He shared evidence of his shenanigans on Facebook, who in turn shared it with the rest of the world.

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No word on whether the bouncer charged with guarding the VIP room faced any repercussions, but after hearing about the story, it seems like the headliners for the night didn't mind.

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