These Recipes From Kids Will Make Your Stomach Hurt From Laughing

Kids say the darndest things and cannot be trusted with fire, so they make bad people to follow in the kitchen. But we still love hearing their ideas about food, because they’re so imaginative. Food is more a supply from the craft store than something you would eat.

This is dangerous for the digestive system but good for laughs. Twitter user Jordan Adams shared a cookbook from his nephew’s pre-k class, and they’re the perfect example of the delirious minds that want to serve you actual mud pies:

Ethan’s Eggs sound delicious, but they are missing one key ingredient: eggs.

Ariana’s Macaroni involves time at the pool, which I am on board with.

Joe’s Tacos took a really fast turn. He does NOT want tacos.

And Sebastian’s Pancakes sound delicious, but they’re pretty pricey:

Though they would never eat any of these recipes in a million years, people love them:

And find them pretty relatable, actually:

It’s like demented Ratatouille in here.

Getting recipes from kids is a pretty common thing, because it’s always funny. Some people shared their own weirdo recipes from school, which they’ve held onto all these years in case they want to give themselves food poisoning someday:

Maybe even on Thanksgiving:

And teachers everywhere love compiling them:

We need them!

Keep me laughing, kids, as I eat this boring sandwich that is made with bread instead of two skateboards, or something.

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Ryan Reynolds Told Off Someone Who Doesn't Like Him Visiting Kids With Cancer As Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds is the Internet’s sweetheart, but usually because he is a potty-mouth prankster. We all like a handsome rogue with a talent for social media.

That fits in with his character Deadpool, who he promotes in ways that some might argue are inappropriate for children.

But kids are some of his biggest fans!

On Monday, Reynolds posted photos of kids from the Make A Wish Foundation who came to visit him on set for Deadpool 2. These are kids battling life threatening illnesses, who likely look up to Deadpool because he’s sassy and a fighter and also has two very cool katana swords. 

It looks like Reynolds and the crew gave them a memorable time:

Unfortunately, we always get some haters in the comments.

On his photo, Reynold’s wrote:

“One of the best parts of playing the Big Red Jackass is welcoming @makeawishamerica and @childrenswishfoundation onto set. Deadpool kicked Cancer in the taint, but these kids do it for real every day. These foundations make dreams come true for a lot of of super-brave kids. They also make dreams come true for parents, who just wanna see their kid smile. HUGE thanks to our Prop Master, Dan Sissons, for making sure every kid left with his/her own sword. (Bamboo versions. Not stabby-stabby versions.)”

And then down in the comments someone responded to the lovely gesture by writing, “Guys [D]eadpool is [an] R rated movie and those kids are watching it…I think something is wrong here.” They also included an angry emoji face, if you weren’t sure how they felt about it.

But our Insta-Hero didn’t take it lying down.

“Yup,” Reynolds responded, “Deadpool is Rated R. If my kid went through a fraction of the sh*t these kids deal with daily, I think they can watch whatever they like. That’s just my .02 cents.”

Don’t go up against Deadpool. 

Or Ryan Reynolds. Like, look at him:

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This Thread About All The Weird Stuff Kids Freak Out Over Is Priceless

Being a parent means traveling everywhere with a small, irrational human who at any point might completely lose their chill. There are also joys to parenting, but this thread started by Twitter user @SparkyROAR is definitely focused on the “losing their chill” part.

@SparkyROAR posted a photo (taken with the parent’s permission) of a kid lodging a silent protest against his color coordinated accessories:

But it was taken with absolute admiration for the child’s commitment:

Everyone commiserated with how odd child behavior is, but also how funny?

Then the stories from parents of all the things that have been upsetting their little weirdoes came out:

Also, many responsible adults pointed out that usually when kids are having a freak out, it’s because they’re tired or hungry and too stressed out to express that verbally. It is duly acknowledged that it’s perhaps not nice to laugh at a kid in distress, even if it seems to be over something ridiculous. But being a parent is also hard, and if you can’t laugh about your kid wanting to lick the plunger, you just might cry, too.

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Jimmy And Billy Kimmel Ask Congress To Fund Health Care For Kids After Second Surgery

When Jimmy Kimmel’s son Billy was born earlier this year, the comedian revealed that his newborn son was born with a heart disease that required open heart surgery just days after entering the world.  

At the time, the comedian slammed the Republican healthcare plan, which has since been shot down, pointing out that after the further surgeries his son will require, Billy would probably have exceeded his lifetime allowance and be uninsurable if it weren’t for the Affordable Care Act (ACA), dubbed Obamacare.  

And last week, Kimmel took a break from a show so that he could be with Billy as her underwent a second surgery. On Monday’s show, the two made a triumphant return to the show after the successful operation. 

Kimmel took the opportunity to ask Congress to renew CHIP, or the Children’s Health Insurance Plan. The program provides coverage to the kids of families who don’t qualify for Medicaid, and also don’t have health care from their employer. 

The bill has typically had bipartisan support, but Kimmel accused Congress members of using the bill as a bargaining chip to attempt to pass their tax plan. CHIP’s budget ran out in October, and so far, Congress hasn’t approved any further funding

Kimmel appealed to viewers to call their Congressional representatives and ask them to renew CHIP before they go any further with tax negotiations. 

You can watch the full segment below: 

People on social media were understandably touched by the emotional return. 

Well, that was emotional. 

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Kenan Thompson Is Starting A Sketch Show For Kids That Sounds A Lot Like 'All That'

Kenan Thompson is teaming up with other All That alumni for a new children’s sketch comedy show called SKOOGLE—and don’t be surprised if you end up watching, too.

Thompson is the creator, executive producer, and voice of the title character of the show, who apparently is a digital assistant like Siri or Alexa, according to The Daily News. Kids will round out the rest of the cast as “entrepreneur inventors.”

Thompson is joined in producing the show by his former All That castmate Josh Server, and Albie Hecht, who was part of the team that developed All That, will serve as executive producer. The show will air on the new media brand “pocket.watch.” 

“Kenan Thompson is a comedic genius,” said Hecht, who is also pocket.watch’s chief content officer, in a statement. “At Nickelodeon, I witnessed first-hand Kenan and his fellow cast members’ ability to turn everyday scenarios into hilarious adventures.”

If they manage to match the genius of Pierre Escargot, I’ll be thrilled.

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The 28 Most Embarrassing Things Parents Have Ever Put Their Kids Through

Embarrassing your children is the most important thing you can do as as parent. You know, after feeding them. And I guess making sure they are are safe is important, too. Of course, you are also going to want to make sure you instill some good values in them, as well. And you have to make sure they have a roof over their head. That seems kind of similar to making sure they are safe, but it feels different enough where it is worth mentioning. 

And if you have two kids, you are going to want to make sure they get along with each other. Also, make sure that they both are fed and are safe. Really, I guess this is the same list as before just doubled. I mean, they only need one roof but…

Whatever. My point is that embarrassing your kids is the most important thing a parent can do. Or maybe it is in the top five most important things. You know what? Let’s call it ten. 

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Cop Responds To Noise Complaint At Party By Teaching Kids How To Salsa

Cop Responds To Noise Complaint At Party By Teaching Kids How To Salsa

When cops show up to a party, they’re usually not partaking in it.

Your first reaction is probably to hide whatever contraband is in your home that shouldn’t be there, and then turn down the music and try to look as respectable as possible.

You sit there and nod your head as the officer warns you about the noise complaints and then get prepared to put in as much partying as possible before the neighbors call the cops again and you’re forced to shut down the party.

But it doesn’t always go down like that. There are some cops who are awesome, like this salsa-loving officer.

Leslie Sapp posted a video of the San Antonio cop who showed up to an event held by her kid’s dance club: NXG Dance Crew. The kids were in the middle of a dance battle.

Instead of shutting down the event, the officer asked to play a song and then joined in on the fun.

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He even got Sapp’s daughter involved in the fun and taught the kids in attendance how to salsa. 

“As a parent, especially these days, there is a lot of negativity in the world when it comes to cops, and he broke that stereotype. He didn’t have to take his time to do that and could have just (gone) in and shut it down,” Sapp said.

Sapp’s daughter said that the officer’s positive attitude changed her perception of local law enforcement.

The video quickly spread on Facebook, with tons of commenters giving props to the officer.

What a cool cop. (h/t ksat)

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'90s Kids, Rejoice! The Original Tamagotchi Toy Is Back On The Market

’90s Kids, Rejoice! The Original Tamagotchi Toy Is Back On The Market

If you’re a child of the ’90s, you probably have a Tamagotchi hidden away somewhere. If you have no idea where it’s hidden, then you probably have a dead Tamagotchi. 

There have been dozens of knock-offs and versions that have added unnecessary things, like color, in the years since their initial release. But in exciting news, the original Tamagotchi is being rereleased. I’m assuming that Bandai thought it’d be a good idea to point out how old we all are now by celebrating the 20th anniversary of the popular toy.

The graphics and features are identical to their older counterparts. The only difference with the new version is that it’s slightly smaller, because technology. They even come with the six original characters you know and love.

There’s one small problem, however. Right now, the relaunch is only available in Japan. But because this is the Internet, people are already listing them on Amazon for the equivalent of $ 17, not including shipping. Which is a small price to pay for these gems… 

I look forward to the year 2037, where I realize that this one too died an untimely death in the back of my closet.

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Mother Explains The Perfect Way To Break The News About Santa To Kids

Sooner or later the truth has to come out. You know, about the really old guy that manages to somehow delivers presents to every house in the world in a few hours. I had a friend who still believed in Santa when she as 12 years old.

So obviously it can be difficult for some parents to break the truth to their kids. So mother Charity Hutchinson recently decided to share an amazing way she recently learned to break the whole thing down with minimum tears.

“In our family, we have a special way of transitioning the kids from receiving from Santa, to becoming a Santa. This way, the Santa construct is not a lie that gets discovered, but an unfolding series of good deeds and Christmas spirit.”

“When they are 6 or 7, whenever you see that dawning suspicion that Santa may not be a material being, that means the child is ready.”

“I take them out “for coffee” at the local wherever. We get a booth, order our drinks, and the following pronouncement is made:”

“‘You sure have grown an awful lot this year. Not only are you taller, but I can see that your heart has grown, too. [ Point out 2-3 examples of empathetic behavior, consideration of people’s feelings, good deeds etc, the kid has done in the past year]. In fact, your heart has grown so much that I think you are ready to become a Santa Claus’.”

“‘You probably have noticed that most of the Santas you see are people dressed up like him. Some of your friends might have even told you that there is no Santa. A lot of children think that, because they aren’t ready to BE a Santa yet, but YOU ARE.'”

“‘Tell me the best things about Santa. What does Santa get for all of his trouble? [lead the kid from “cookies” to the good feeling of having done something for someone else]. Well, now YOU are ready to do your first job as a Santa!””

“Make sure you maintain the proper conspiratorial tone.”

“We then have the child choose someone they know–a neighbor, usually. The child’s mission is to secretly, deviously, find out something that the person needs, and then provide it, wrap it, deliver it–and never reveal to the target where it came from. Being a Santa isn’t about getting credit, you see. It’s unselfish giving.”

“My oldest chose the ‘witch lady’ on the corner. She really was horrible–had a fence around the house and would never let the kids go in and get a stray ball or Frisbee. She’d yell at them to play quieter, etc–a real pill. He noticed when we drove to school that she came out every morning to get her paper in bare feet, so he decided she needed slippers. So then he had to go spy and decide how big her feet were. He hid in the bushes one Saturday, and decided she was a medium. We went to Kmart and bought warm slippers. He wrapped them up, and tagged it ‘merry Christmas from Santa.’ After dinner one evening, he slipped down to her house, and slid the package under her driveway gate. The next morning, we watched her waddle out to get the paper, pick up the present, and go inside. My son was all excited, and couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. The next morning, as we drove off, there she was, out getting her paper–wearing the slippers. He was ecstatic. I had to remind him that NO ONE could ever know what he did, or he wouldn’t be a Santa.”

“Over the years, he chose a good number of targets, always coming up with a unique present just for them. One year, he polished up his bike, put a new seat on it, and gave it to one of our friend’s daughters. These people were and are very poor. We did ask the dad if it was ok. The look on her face, when she saw the bike on the patio with a big bow on it, was almost as good as the look on my son’s face.”

“When it came time for Son #2 to join the ranks, my oldest came along, and helped with the induction speech. They are both excellent gifters, by the way, and never felt that they had been lied to–because they were let in on the Secret of Being a Santa.”

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This Local Dentist Is Buying Kids Halloween Candy From Them For A Really Great Cause

The last thing a dentist usually wants to hear when a kid plops down in their chair is that he just spent his last week after Halloween clearing out his entire duffel bag of candy.

And the first thought the childhood version of you has for that is probably, “WELL TOO BAD! I WORKED DAMN HARD FOR THIS CANDY AND I’LL DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT!” Which is fine, you’re entitled to that opinion.

And adult you, well, might very well have that same reaction, but at least there’s the knowledge that these sweets will ultimately jack your teeth up. This is especially true if you’ve had to take care of a cavity or two in your life.

So this dentist’s office decided to help kids protect their teeth while serving a good cause. And to do that, they want to buy their extra Halloween candy.

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Tillery Family Dental is willing to give kids $ 1 per pound of candy ($ 5 maximum) for all their leftover treats. While that might not sound like the sweetest deal out there, it’s for a pretty noble reason.

All the extra Halloween candy from home is being sent to US troops stationed overseas so they can enjoy some all-hallows-goodness.


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The dentistry is also giving trick-or-treaters willing to part with their precious sweets (for cash) some paper and writing utensils so they can write notes for the soldiers who’ll be snacking on their forked-over sweets.

The candy’s being shipped to Operation Gratitude and will be wrapped up as part of care packages for US soldiers abroad and first responders stationed home.

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Kids are also getting a goody bag from the dentist of their own: a toothbrush, floss, toothpaste, and other dental stuff.

Nowhere near as exciting as a stash of Reese’s, but at least they can rest well knowing they helped but a smile on a homesick person’s face. And that they probably have one less cavity to worry about. (h/t fox59)

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