Folks like to mock vegans, probably because a lot of them are pretty preachy about their lifestyle. But I gotta give it up to anyone who is strongly committed to their moral compassing, especially when that compass points them away from delicious, delicious cheese.
It’s not that easy to eat vegan in this world, especially if you want to eat at a fast food franchise or anywhere affordable. So, this story of a woman who faced vegan-defeat at a Subway sandwich shop is both funny and tragic.
A Subway worker named Gabriel Caulfield-Bohlken wrote about their encounter with a confused vegan on Facebook, and Reddit user u/Gresh66 also shared this tale on the Jokes subreddit, though it’s more like a Greek tragedy:
So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, “can I get some mayo?”
I look at her, she’s looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I’m waiting for her to be like haha jk.
Me: “You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?”
THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT.
She stood there for a second.
V: “N-no it doesn’t, I get mayo every time, are you sure?”
Me: “Yes ma’am, mayo has egg whites in it.”
I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl’s world.
I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here.
Me: “Would you like the mayo on it ma’am?”
V: “Sure, go ahead.”
She sounded so done, so defeated,
So I gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out.
Me: “Thank you for coming, have a nice day!”
She just looked at me, sighed, “yea, I’ll try” and walked out.
And that’s the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.
Damn. I feel that. She’s trying so hard to stick to her beliefs, and she thinks she’s found this delicious vegan workaround. Yum! Mayo is so good! And it’s vegan? Wow.
Then BAM, reality check. All those days she went to bed feeling satisfied and successfully vegan, only to find out it was all a lie. That would be shattering. But, for the record, they do make a vegan mayonnaise, and it’s actually pretty good:
It just doesn’t seem like they have it at Subway.
Commenters are very into this story, but what’s funny about it is that it seems like a lot of people have no freaking clue what’s in mayonnaise:
People don’t know anything about anything, actually:
I’m actually scared for humanity:
But at least a few people appreciated the server’s honesty. Obviously, this girl had gone through a lot of Subway workers who were not so kind:
Or maybe they just had no idea what’s in mayo either? Seems to be a common problem.
Other vegans also weighed in to say they understood the woman’s reaction completely.
Hopefully she rallied and Googled “vegan mayonnaise” for those homemade sammies. We all deserve a little flavor.