Twitter User Roasts Trump's 'Stable Genius' Comments In A Very Gilbert And Sullivan Way

Much of the talk in Washington D.C. has been of Fire and Fury, Michael Wolff’s tell-all book from within the walls of the Trump White House. One of the book’s most significant claims is that many of Trump’s closest staff believe his mental acuity is slipping.  

In response, the President tweeted the following:

Clearly, these are the tweets of a very stable genius.

One tweet stood out. @hunttheshark knew exactly what Twitter needed — Gilbert and Sullivan references:

In fact, they enjoyed the song so much, they couldn’t help but join in for a second verse:

And the song wasn’t over yet…

Anyone down for… another verse?

Twitter seemed to have a lot of feelings they needed to get off their chest through song:

And it quickly became the song that could never end:

Tune in tomorrow for new verses inspired by whatever Trump does today.

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Jon Stewart Roasts Jimmy Kimmel During His Own Monologue

Pennsylvania teen Will Rubin held a Jimmy Kimmel-themed Bar Mitzvah, and Kimmel decided to talk to him on air about it—which was really, really cute. To everyone, that is, except actually Jewish talk show host Jon Stewart.

“You probably had your choice of idolizing any talk show host and you could’ve gone with a Jew, that’s all I’m saying,” Stewart said. “Will, don’t be fooled by his learned-looking beard and his sad, puffy eyes. He’s not rabbinical; he’s just unhealthy.”

“Wouldn’t you rather idolize a talk show host that is also circumcised?” he asked. “I don’t know how to put this. How do the kids say it? He’s still wearing his hoodie.”

Give him a break, Jon—the last time you were on air, he was still a boy. Now he’s a man. 

Though it seems like many adults were just happy to see Stewart back on TV.

We can only hope that the next time he’s on late night, he’s there permanently.

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Mayor Of Austin Roasts Guy Who Complained About Women-Only Screening Of 'Wonder Woman'

Last month, the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin announced that they’ll be hosting one women-only screening of the new Wonder Woman film. Unsurprisingly, this created a stir on social media with some men complaining that the screening was “sexist.”

One such person was Richard Ameduri, who sent Mayor of Austin Steve Adler an email complaining about the screening and asking Adler to “name something invented by a woman.” His email read in full… 

Unfortunately for Ameduri, the mayor decided to respond. Adler posted his retort on his website, and it’s a zinger.  

That’s got to hurt. And social media users seemed to love the mayor’s response.  

Keep it up, Mayor Adler.  

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Twitter Roasts Congressional Candidate For 'Bodyslam' Attack on Reporter

On May 24th, Greg Gianforte, the Republican candidate for Montana’s Congressional seat, allegedly  ‘body slammed’ a reporter from The Guardian after being asked questions about his support for the AHCA. The story was confirmed by The Guardian and Fox News who were both present for the alleged attack. Gianforte has been charged with misdemeanor assault. 

The special congressional election is today, and it is unclear how this will impact the outcome of the race which was already looking to be very close between Gianforte and Democrat Rob Quist. But one thing is for certain: The Internet doesn’t look like they are forgiving him any time soon.

People are already turning the attack into mock political ads. 

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Woman Roasts Ex On Craigslist In Ad For Blender She Received While Breaking Up

Chances are, if you live in Brooklyn and were looking for a decent blender on the cheap this morning, you may have stumbled upon one of the best ads you’ve ever seen for a kitchen appliance in your life.

The ad, cleverly titled, “Wanna put my tender heart in a blender” after a lyric in an Eve 6 song that was popular when I was in high school, was easy to scroll past, but the thumbnail was bound to catch a few eyes.

The ad starts off with some advice for blender shoppers

Never date a corporate lawyer. Here’s how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date.

You never get an explanation for this beyond “I was looking for something specific,” which sounds like another lawyer or some Woody Allenesque waif-bot, but most Brooklyn dudes want that, so fuck it. He has nice hair. He apologizes, claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.

The story goes on as you would expect.  Her (now ex) boyfriend, who she met on Tinder and figured was “not like other corporate lawyers,” was a great guy when they first started going out.  

He was happy, she was happy, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach that she has seen animated all throughout her life for the very first time.

Classic love story, meet classic speed bump:

One night you watch a movie about the futility of monogamy, and he freaks out. He’s scared of commitment. The guy who committed to 80-hour work weeks for nebulous reasons is scared of commitment. The guy who asked to meet your family after you said it would be okay to wait, because commitment can be scary, is now scared of commitment.

We’ve got a commitaphobe on our hands.  She actually already introduced him to her family at his own request, and this ends up marking the beginning of the seller falling out of love.

She spends a weekend with him and his “successful friends,” and seeing the seller having difficulty socializing with them:

This is when he decides you’re incompatible.

He comes over in a panic. He’s sad because “we used to be so happy.” He sees you “in a negative way” now. He sometimes even doubts you’re attractive.

Because lawyers think it’s important to present all sides of reality. To acknowledge how illusory everything is, even human connection. A corporate lawyer can predict the future from a mile up his own asshole.

At this point, the relationship is taking its final breaths, but the ex-boyfriend doesn’t want to be the one to put the pillow over its head.

He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.

What?

He does not understand the human species. Who buys someone they’re dumping a Vitamix? He wants to be the hero of this story: “I got this girl an epic birthday gift and then we broke up.” He wants me to remember him fondly. I can’t abide it. I had fleeting Hollywood fantasies about smashing it in the street, but that’s for waif-bots.

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I’m not gonna ruin a perfectly good blender. Yet, sitting on my microwave, it looks exactly like the Wappen & Kladden building. I am afraid of it. Please help me.

It’s a certified reconditioned 5200 series. It comes in the box with a 5-year warranty and a recipe book. I am also available for dates.

Without a doubt, this is the first time most of us (I don’t want to assume all) have ever heard of a break-up blender.  The drama attached to it may be a bit much for some households, but it would make a perfect kitchen utensil for the aspiring Kardashian in your life.

As of this writing, the blender is still for sale and the seller is still single.  You can try your luck with either by contacting her through the Craigslist ad.

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