I’m not going to pretend I know what this beaver was thinking when he broke into a store but I’m going to anyway, because it’s fun.
Charlie the beaver bust into a dollar store in Charlotte Hall, Maryland, because he heard a terrible rumor: they were selling fake trees.
Being a beaver, he saw that as a personal affront. It’s like inviting your Italian friend over for a “traditional meal like Nonna used to make” for him to later on discover that you used canned sauce in the plate of spaghetti and meatballs in front of him. It’s downright unforgivable.
Upon breaking into the store, old Charlie was first horrified, then angered to discover that the rumors were actually 100% true.
Nothing could sate his wood-lust as he absolutely decimated all of the displays that stood in his path.
Authorities were quick to point out Charlie didn’t go berserk until after he noticed the trees were fake. Coincidence? I think not.
He was ultimately caught and put in the care of a wildlife rehabilitator.
But fake trees should be on guard: there’s a beaver out there who’s had it up to here with your deception. You never know which fake piece of wood’s going to be next on the receiving end of Charlie’s wrath.
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If you can believe it, 2016 is nearly over and there’s only a few more holidays before we start what will hopefully be a slightly more calm year. And with Halloween just around the corner, it might seem odd to you that a certain Christmas decoration is already flying off the shelve.Nothing says Christmas like a vulva. That’s why one genius on Etsy has decided to start selling
What is it? Well, as we all know, nothing says Christmas like a vulva. That’s why one genius on Etsy has decided to start selling Christmas tree decorations shaped like vaginas.
Feltmelons is selling the baubles, which come in a wide variety of vibrant colors. And yes, they’re all handcrafted with love.
And yes, they come complete with a jingling Christmas clitoris. There are also different sizes available if you don’t think that having a massive vagina on your tree is appropriate.
Believe it or not, they’ve been selling hundreds of these things from as early as August. And customers are very satisfied with their purchases. One customer even went as far as to call them “vagtastic.”
If you want to oblige, you can find them here.
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Thanks to the recent clown reign of terror that’s been haunting communities across the country (and our nightmares), Halloween just got a lot less fun.
A Target spokesman emailed the following statement, regarding the retailer’s clown masks this Halloween:
Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online.
So it looks like we won’t be seeing this face on Halloween.
So what exactly is the “current environment” that makes clown masks so undesirable this year?
It all began this summer with the first creepy clown sightings in South Carolina, where people reported a clown trying to lure children into the woods…You know, like any good horror movie begins.
Things only got worse from there. Clown disasters started sprouting up all over. Two high schools in Alabama went into lockdown last month after social media threats surfaced from a clown spotted lingering around campus. Then, in North Carolina, a 20-year-old was arrested for terrorizing people while wearing a clown mask and carrying a hatchet.
Professional clowns (like, ones without axes and homicidal tendencies) have not been thrilled with the new widespread distrust of people in weird makeup and big red noses.
Some clowns even organized a Clown Lives Matter march which was shut down due to death threats (and people generally being outraged that clowns would try to piggyback off of Black Lives Matter).
The crisis hasn’t just damaged Halloween and circus clowns, though. It’s even affected a fast food empire.
Even Ronald McDonald, the beloved clown face of obesity, has been forced to maintain a low profile.
TBH, we’re glad that there will be fewer clown masks this Halloween… So if we see one, we know it’s a legitimate homicidal maniac.
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