Someone Asked the Internet to Share Their Craziest IRL Plot Twists and the Results Did Not Disappoint

Someone Asked the Internet to Share Their Craziest IRL Plot Twists and the Results Did Not Disappoint

When I moved across the country a couple of months ago, I was trying to find a short-term place to stay while I looked around for an apartment to make my home. I’ve gone through my share of shady sublets, and was so worried I wouldn’t land a spot that I started looking for one to book months in advance. On my first day of browsing, I came across a gorgeous and affordable one-bedroom in a really convenient location, but was super skeptical of the post because of how traumatized I am from my previous experiences. 

I’ve dealt with creeps who ask for a cash deposit then claim they’re in the hospital on the exact same day they’re supposed to meet me for the keys. I’ve had people cancel my reservation once I’ve already landed in their city… Needless to say, I’m a seasoned subletter. When I found this lovely one-bedroom on Craigslist, I was sure the listing was too good to be true. So I took a proactively defensive stance when I reached out via email. I asked for boring specifications on the apartment and went over payment details with exhaustive thoroughness. I even asked if a friend could stop by to make sure there were no secret squatter tenants, or anything sketchy like that. Then, I got an email back. 

TWIST: I recognized the address from the gushing fan mail I had sent it years ago. The apartment belonged to my favorite living writer and here I was, casually emailing with her directly. Flash forward a few months and we’re friendly and occasionally email each other or meet for coffee to catch up. And that’s how my nightmare sublet search turned into a friendship with one of the best and most famous writers of our time.

I live for real-life plot twists like this. They keep us on our toes while we cruise through this journey of life. Which is why when u/whytho37 asked Reddit to share their most insane plot twists, the results were incredible. 

Scroll down for twists so good, you wouldn’t believe they actually happened if you saw them in a film.

01

The Altruistic Cheater

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My sister’s boyfriend decided that he wanted to do more with his architecture skills so he gave his two weeks notice and moved to Haiti to help rebuild after the earthquake. They stayed together. He had bad phone service so they mostly kept in touch through emails. He would send her long emails with photos and stories of what they were doing. This went on for a couple of months.

One off-handed tip from a co-worker and a week of sleuthing later, and it turns out he never went to Haiti. He moved to Seattle to be with his fiancée and partner of nine years.

HouPoop

02

The Delusional Grandpa

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During the last year of my grandfather’s life he had dementia and was having trouble keeping track of reality. Before he was placed into hospice he kept complaining about a man that was in his house, he would say that he would come around at night and that he was taking his things and using his stuff. Grandma of course kept reassuring him that she was the only one there. His doctor increased his medications because he was losing touch with reality so badly.

Fast forward to my grandfather’s funeral and a man showed up that wasn’t known by more than a few people in the family. Turns out he was an old friend of my grandmother’s who showed up to give his support. In a small town like that it wasn’t exactly an unusual thing to have random people show up to the funeral home who knew the person at some point.

Well about a year later my grandmother lets slip that she is seeing someone, the guy from funeral. At this point nothing too odd, they got to talking at church and we thought it was sweet.

Then a bit later sweet innocent ol’ grandma mentions that it’s their 3rd anniversary.

Grandpa died two years prior. This man was the person that grandpa saw in his house every night. He was the reason that everyone thought grandpa was going crazy, he was the reason that my grandfather was medicated to the point of being a vegetable for the last horrible year of his life.

TL;DR Grandpa thought he saw someone in his house before he died, turns out it was grandma’s boyfriend.

turnsouthewasreal

03

The Simultaneous Victim-Perp

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1991, I’m 19, just signed the lease for my first (solo) apartment, just got the first paycheck from my new job, I deposit the paycheck at an ATM (another first! I’d always gone into the bank to do it). Two weeks later, I get my bank statement in the mail, and see with horror I have only $ 1.87 in my account. Way wrong, I should have at least $ 200, I’d been very careful with my spending. I’m freaked, I came within $ 2 of bouncing my first rent check.

I’m literally reaching for the phone to call the bank when the phone rings. It’s the police, asking if my ATM card was stolen. I check my wallet and the card is missing (my job at a theater pub came with cash tips so I didn’t use the card often), and tell them I was going to call them anyway because I was missing $ 200 from my account. “Well, we’ve got your card, and your $ 200, so come down to the police station,” they tell me.

I can’t figure out how they have my card AND the cash. Doesn’t make sense. I drive down there.

Detective says someone (let’s call him Bob) pulled in to use an ATM and saw a man acting suspiciously while he was using it, moving back and forth as if trying to dodge the camera. Bob says the man then left the ATM, got into a car, and drove away at high speeds as if fleeing. Bob then went to the ATM and put his card in, which popped out. Bob then withdrew $ 200, and then another ATM card popped out. My card. Bob’s card had popped out because the crook had left my card in the ATM before speeding away. Bob realized he had withdrawn the money from my account and not his, so he brought my card and the cash to the police and reported the attempted theft.

The detective gives me the description of the crook. According to Bob, it was a man 5’7″, brown hair, round gold-rimmed glasses. I say out loud “So, about my height, my color hair, and glasses like mine,” before realizing Bob was describing me.

I’d never deposited a check in an ATM before, so I was moving back and forth, following the instructions on the screen, filling out the envelope with my account number, punching the amount in, etc. I then forgot to take my card out and just left because I’m a fucking idiot. I drove away at high speeds because I was 19 and that’s how I drove everywhere.

Worried the detective might be annoyed, I didn’t tell him I was the crook, I just thanked him and left with the money I stole from myself. Somewhere in a box in my closet I still have the police report where I’m both the victim and the perp.

chrislivingston

04

These Mile-High Flirts

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 Was on a flight from Paris to Boston. I had the aisle seat across from a little hall of bathrooms in the middle of the plane. At one point a man from a few rows up goes into a bathroom and after a couple of minutes comes out and is just standing in the aisle so it gets my attention. He keeps going in and coming back out looking up towards where he is sitting. I see a woman who is sitting next to his empty seat shake her head at him but he doesn’t give up. Finally after like 5 times of coming in and out he finally gets the woman to come back there. The lights are out and most of the plane is sleeping and once she comes back to him they start making out in the bathroom hallway before he goes into one and pulls her in with him.

They are in there for quite awhile and then he comes out and goes back to his seat and a few minutes later she comes out and does the same. They are really flirty in their seats and about an hour later repeat it. The man goes in and then she joins him. They end up doing this three times throughout the flight. My husband who is sitting next to me has caught on to what they are doing as well and we made a joke about how they must be newlyweds on their honeymoon.

We get off the plane and the woman is standing at the gate waiting and the man is nowhere in sight. As the people from the back of the plane get off a completely different man goes up to her and gives her a kiss on the lips and asks her if she was able to get any sleep on the flight and calls her dear. Then they walk off towards the luggage area with their arms around each other. So apparently what we thought was an adventurous newlywed couple was actually a woman hooking up with her seat mate while her husband was sitting in the back of the plane.

lostmyshade

05

The Aesthetician With Commendable Self-Control

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My esthetician was giving a Brazilian wax to a new client. New client goes on and on about this new guy she is dating, and how he’s a bartender at XYZ. Estheticians boyfriend was the bartender.

Always fun to find out you are knee deep waxing the p–sy of the woman you are being cheated on with.

248Spacebucks

06

The Guy Who Just Wanted a Passport

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I used to work with a guy in his early 20s that at the time of the story was getting ready to go with his family for his first out of the country. He was pretty damn excited and we were getting the play-by-play of all the things —  where they were staying, what they were going to do, he was preparing…

Specifically he would need to get a passport, but his birth certificate had been lost. When the replacement one arrived, ‘mom’s’ name isn’t the woman he’s called mom his whole life, it’s his ‘sister.’ Turns out his ‘sister’ had him super young, and his grandparents basically took him on and raised them as their son and no one ever told him the truth. So Sister was actually Mom and Mom and Dad was actually Grandpa and Grandma. Real dad is unknown.

He took a few days off work to sort himself out, still went on the trip, still apparently had a blast.

sm4k

07

The Girl Whose High School Memories Came Back to Haunt Her

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 When I was a senior in high school, there was freshman girl that “Single White Femaled” me. She would follow me around and tell me how cool and funny I was. She asked what hair product I used, what body spray, where I bought my clothes, etc.

I was not funny or cool, and honestly it was flattering at first. She styled her hair like mine but it was high school in the 90’s and we all pretty much did our hair the same. Then she started dressing like me. Then she got involved in all the activities I was in. Then she started telling people we were cousins. She found my home number in he phone book (again, the 90’s) and would call me all the freaking time. It was weird. I just went out of my way to avoid her.

After my graduation ceremony, she found me on the field and hugged me. She was sobbing — big ugly snotty sobs — telling me how she was going to miss me and school wouldn’t be the same without me there. I peaced out and then completely forgot about her.

Flash forward nine years and I’m just beginning to date the man that is now my husband. We’re going through old pictures and I see this girl from high school. And I’m like, “Hey! I know this girl! She was this weird chick that stalked me in high school! Why do you have a picture of her?”

It was his ex-wife.

WaymoresBlues

08

This Mixed Canberra Connection and Subsequent Meta-Twist

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I graduated law, and got engaged to the girl I had been with through university. We both applied for the same graduate program and ended up working in the same office in Canberra.

Three months before our wedding I found out she was cheating on me with our mutual boss, and I broke it off with her. Long story short, it got really, really ugly and the two of us ended up in a very bitter court case over property.

Canberra is a pretty small city and the legal world is pretty bloody small there, too, and everywhere I went I bumped into my ex. It was beginning to seriously get me down (her too, as it transpired), and I applied for an Australian government overseas development job in Tuvalu, a Pacific island with about 11,000 population. It’s quite a prestigious job to get, with only two positions offered for a two year contract on a rotating basis.

I was successful in the application and moved on-island to start my posting. To discover that my ex was the other successful applicant.

I spent the next two years sharing a tiny office on a tiny island with the person that I quite honestly loathe more than any other in the world.

larriedbutmooking

And if that wasn’t crazy enough, twobynight wrote this in the comments:

You left in 2006. I was one of the guys who replaced you on this program.

You story was told to me at the bar at the Funafuti about 100 times in the first month I was there.

I cannot believe that I am now seeing this on Reddit.

Holy f**king sh*t.

Which larriedbutmooking responded to with

Yep, that was me. I hid out in the Funfuti Lagoon Hotel about 5 nights a week 😀

Small world!

Before withoutthes cracked the joke that was on everyone’s mind:

One of the smallest plot twists is seeing Canberra mentioned anywhere other than r/Canberra.

09

The Elderly Woman Who Got Her Cosmic Revenge

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 An 85-year-old woman, the widow of a hero soldier in WWII, neglected by her friends and her children, having to sell her house that she could not afford and move to a much smaller one, but always helping people and looking after others, unfailingly polite and kind…

…Suddenly announced to the sensation of the the entire village in Scotland where she lived, that the new tenant of the castle on the fringes of which was her small cottage, had asked her to marry him. He too was an elderly man but he was — and indeed is — a brilliant geneticist (the man who cloned ‘Dolly the Sheep’), he’s a knight, a professor at Edinburgh University and a multi-millionaire many times over because of all his patents.

They were married last year. And all her rich, grand friends who neglected her and only invited her round to their nice manor houses because she would pour tea and act like a maid, must now defer to… Lady Wilmut.

pistolsfortwo

10

The Love-Struck Starbucks Barista

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I was a Starbucks barista before the whole “names on cups” thing was big —  or at least, it wasn’t really practiced in my tiny store.

There was this very cute guy who came in maybe 4-6x a week. A little often, but nothing out of the ordinary. I flirted like mad. He flirted back. It was all great. Then he comes in with his fiancée. I was betrayed and treated him coldly from then on.

A month later, two of him come in together and I find out that he–uh, they–are twins and I’d shot down any chance I had with the single one.

mindovermacabre

11

The Busy Grandfather

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My grandfather’s funeral. He was always a fairly reserved and distant father as far as I understood. Would fit the stereotype of a northern dockworker who comes home expecting dinner to be in the table and then goes to the pub all evening via the bookies.

Anyway, an unsurprising heart attack later, we’re all gathered for his funeral. We’re a big, but close family so we know everyone, including his friends. However, one guy turns up, about the same age as my dad and his siblings who nobody knows.

Long story short, turns out it was my grandfather’s son. From another family. From another marriage. That went on for as long as his marriage to my grandmother. My grandfather had maintained two marriages over 40 years, having 7 children with my grandmother and just the one with this other woman. They knew about our family and kept away and apparently my grandmother knew about them but kept quiet.

Turns out he wasn’t going to the pub every night.

achybreakyballs

12

The Motorbike Rebel

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A friend of mine, apparently he was sneaking out for a trip outside the city with his friends since his parents didn’t let him go. They were on motorbikes, already on their way outside of the city suddenly he got into an accident with another bike. It was his dad he crashed into.

fuj-ii

13

The Couple That's Too Good to Be True

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When I was in college, I worked with a really young guy in two-person office for 40+ hours a week for just under two years. I was pretty close to 30 at the time and I think he had just barely turned 20, so he sort of saw me as a mentor. Needless to say, we talked about a ton of things and became pretty good friends.

Anyway, a few months into knowing the guy, he got a new girlfriend. I heard about every date, their first kiss, their first fight, their first trip, their first time in bed. Pretty soon, the kid found himself in love. I had been married and divorced, so I shared many of the things I learned during my marriage (and life in general) so that this kid could make better decisions that I had made.

My girlfriend and I double-dated with him and his girlfriend a quite few times and despite being mistaken for parents more than once, both of us thought they made a wonderful couple. Since something had come up last-minute and prevented him from taking her home during Thanksgiving, he was super excited to take her home to meet his folks over Christmas break. Much of his extended family was going to be there.

Within a few days, it all unraveled. He told her about family members that were going to be attending and she started recognizing people. They drew out family trees on paper and learned that they are first cousins — by blood, not by marriage. As neither were from Alabama, they ended their relationship. He had been saving up for an engagement ring.

Nevermind04

14

The Diabolical Pregnancy

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The one guy I worked with was having a baby. He told me about his gf, “yeah she’s pretty big but she’s amazing, she’s the one for me.” I didn’t know him very well but as he talked about the pregnancy and so forth and I gave him encouraging words and how his life was going to change so much we bonded a bit. His baby was going to be born right before Christmas, he missed our work xmas party because his baby was being born! We expect him to be gone for paternity leave, but he shows up a few days later. I feared the worst, that the baby had died.

It turned out his girlfriend was lying about being pregnant to spend more time with him. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the fact that he brought up she was fat for no reason must have meant she was so fat you couldn’t tell whether she was pregnant or not. She showed him someone else’s ultrasounds, they talked about what they would name their baby, how they’d handle taking care of it, all that shit.

I don’t know what she thought was gonna happen when nine months passed and no baby. I guess it’s good she came clean though, a more diabolical person would have faked a miscarriage or something. But that was seriously messed up. Shortly after the dude left so I don’t really know how he handled it.

Oberon_Swanson

15

The Tale of Two Doppelgängers

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Met a guy online, he was cool, found out he lived less than two hours from where I live.

We meet up. First time seeing each other’s actual faces.

f**king doppelgangers.

Turns out his father is my bio father’s older brother. Both our bio dads bailed before we were born. We both were sexually abused as kids by teachers (him at 15, me at 13). Both us have soy allergies and Lysinuric Protein Intolerance (it’s genetic).

and both us joined the army and failed out during BCT due to undiagnosed mental health issues.

Our lives had run parallel to each other. He’s only a year older than me.

WeirdWolfGuy

16

The Womanizer's Karma

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My friend in college was such a jock. Worked out constantly, total womanizer, had posters of women in swimsuits. Also pretty conservative politically. Few years later he’s in a relationship with a black guy and also converted to Judaism. They adopted a baby girl from Korea.

KingGorilla

17

The College Mentor Turned Birth Father

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I was adopted from South America to the US when I was a toddler and have no memory of my birth parents. I had an older friend/mentor I met in college. I knew him as Mike. When I learned that my birth mother passed away I got a few of her belongings including some pictures. Who was in these pictures? Mike. 

He was my birth father.

aaareed

18

The Thief Who Hasn't Done His Research

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I had my four wheeler stolen years ago, and the thief tried to sell it to my father, because he didn’t know we were related. 😂

Edit: He didn’t even bother to remove my Deadpool decals 😂

b400k513

19

This Family Misunderstanding

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 I never tried to have a girlfriend because I was certain that my father would be mad and ground me for years, if not something worse. He secretly worried why I “never had any luck” with girls. I avoided and rejected them because I was afraid of him.

Wonderdull

20

The Family Run-In

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Was out with a friend of mine, who ran into her dad….and his OTHER family.

sci_lit

21

The Abusive Husband With a Good Excuse for his Behavior

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I knew a woman who was going through divorce proceedings with her husband. He was always argumentative and borderline abusive towards her, certainly always shouting and demeaning.

Then, just as the divorce was entering it’s final stages he very suddenly died.

His autopsy showed that he had a massive undiagnosed brain tumour, which had been physically altering his personality. His wife felt all kinds of guilty afterwards and took it out on everyone she talked to and lost a lot of friends in the process.

Torien0

22

The Painful Crush

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One of my good friends in high school started hanging out with this guy from the other public high school in our city & before long they were basically joined at the hip. She had a HUGE crush on him and was pretty sure he liked her too, but she’d never had a boyfriend before & was too shy to make the first move. One night they were hanging out and he told her he had something huge to confess… he was gay.

They remained close friends. Then a few months later at a party, the guy introduced all of us to his younger (by one year) brother. The dude and his brother looked similar, had similar personalities, and the exact same sense of humor. Fast forward 20 years, and my friend is happily married to the brother, her best friend is her brother-in-law, and he and his husband are godfathers to her kids.

Sometimes the painful crush on the gay dude pays off.

Basketeetch

23

The Airport Mixup

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This Dad Got People To Share What Happened To Them After They 'Got Toddlered'

Mike Julianelle is a papa with a platform on his popular parenting blog Dad and Buried, according toBored Panda. Julianelle also runs a popular Instagram account called GotToddlered, where parents share the moments they used to think were picture worthy, versus what kind of pics they take now that children have entered their lives. It’s a big shift:

But a fun one. You might be familiar with the transition yourself, if you’re a parent.

Hot selfies are over:

You’re no longer the one crying:

Remember when you would do your own make-up before going out?

And your own hair:

You have to hit pause on certain personas:

And say goodbye to personal space:

It’s not just a human problem:

Things change for everybody:

And it can create some distance in relationships:

But you also get closer to someone very special:

And discover new sides of yourself:

Like the power of your body:

To give hugs:

To channel creativity elsewhere:

And to still strike out on adventures—but with a little more baggage:

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Andy Cohen And Anderson Cooper Share Photos From Their Vacation And People Are Loving It

Andy Cohen And Anderson Cooper Share Photos From Their Vacation And People Are Loving It

Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are showing the world what being besties is all about. The pair are on vacation in Bora Bora and posting their shenanigans on Instagram.

Andy posted this pic with the caption “Caught a silver fox swimming by a deserted island.” 

instagram

Travis is inspired by their friendship, and Andy’s shorts. 

instagram

Andy’s shorts are a popular topic in the comments section, apparently. 

instagram

Fashion designer (and former Princess) Diane Von Furstenberg made a guest appearance on the Friendcation as well. 

instagram

Oh look, we’re talking about Andy’s shorts again. Chomp, chomp. 

instagram

Owen may be onto something here. 

instagram

Andy posted a video of the pair announcing dates for their touring show “AC2 Live: An Intimate Evening With Anderson Cooper & Andy  Cohen”

Also, Anderson tries on Andy’s hat. 

instagram

Check out the announcement, the hat and (of course) Andy’s shorts in the video here. 

H/T: Instagram

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Black Valedictorian Forced To Share The Honor With White Student Who Had A Lower GPA

Twitter  / Twitter

Imagine a school where the valedictorian is black, but is named co-valedictorian and forced to share that honor with a white student whose GPA is lower. Imagine that black student was not allowed to give a speech at graduation until after that white student had spoken. Imagine that black student being asked to walk behind that white student with the lower GPA. You probably imagined this happening in a movie set several decades ago, right? It happened. In reality. Recently. 

“Whaaaaaaaaat?” – Half of you guys right now

Jasmine Shepard was the first black valedictorian of Cleveland High School in Mississippi, a school in a district where racial tensions run incredibly high. So much so, that a federal judge ruled that the school district had actually failed to desegregate despite the law ordering schools to do so more than sixty years ago. The school actually tried to fight a secondary order to desegregate in 2016.

Jasmine and her mother believe these racial tensions are what’s behind Jasmine’s treatment as valedictorian.

Twitter

The school has never had co-valedictorians before and claims the students just so happened to have identical GPA’s for the first time ever in the school’s history.

Jasmine’s mother doesn’t agree.

“These children have been attending school with each other since middle school. We know the schedule, we know what they take and we have a good idea where the discrepancy lies.”

Jasmine was initially hesitant to take any action against the school because she was worried there would be backlash against the other student, who she describes as “the kindest-hearted, sweetest person.” Eventually, though, they did decide to take the matter to court to highlight the school districts actions. They are seeking damages and for Jasmine to correctly be named the sole valedictorian.

People are baffled.

Francisco couldn’t contain his sarcasm.

Twitter

Francisco’s sentiments may have been sarcastic, but that wasn’t the case for everyone.

“Feral savages” … wow. Keepin’ it classy, huh?

Twitter

Whatever the result of the suit is, congratulations to Jasmine on her achievement and we wish her tons of success in her future. 

H/T: RawStory, Twitter

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14 People Share Their Heartbreaking Deportation Stories

The United States is a nation of immigrants and a very young one at that. Immigration has taken center stage in recent months, mainly as a tool to leverage voters by politicians who otherwise have conflicting interests with their current or potential constituents. 

While everybody wants to come over and start their lives in the United States legally, the process to do so takes years and costs thousands of dollars. As a result, people that come to visit overstay their visas and have to look over their shoulder while they try to expedite the processing of their paperwork.

These immigrants, who are now illegal, can go on living years in the US before either gaining residency or being deported. They get married, have kids, work long hours and usually hold very labor intensive jobs. That along with no access to healthcare or any type of government assistance program is still, in their eyes, a better life than the one they left to come here.

As you know, these people either end up gaining residency, or they get deported. These anonymous whispers come from the latter, people whose lives have been turned upside down after having a family member or themselves plucked out of their lives. Check out their stories below/

  1. My husband was deported two days after I gave birth to his son. Being a single parent is difficult. America the country that separates families :/
  2. Doesn't it sucks that my mom is alive and that I can't see her because she got deported when I was 11. Trying to save enough to see her is hard
  3. My ex girlfriend accused me of beating my own son when in fact it was her aunt that was doing it. I spent a year in prison fighting the case and then I was deported. I will never see my son again.
  4. The worst news ever was getting a call from my best friend and him telling me that his parents got deported. My family took my best friend in to live with us while his parents work on their paperwork
  5. when I was a toddler, my dad was deported to his country. only communication I have is FB. & he doesn't know how to spell my name.
  6. My dad was deported to Africa when I was 2 but he still contacts me everyday to see how I'm doing and ask about my day
  7. I want to go to Mexico and see my father. He was deported. If I could only hear his voice and give him a hug.
  8. Its been 4 years since my dad was deported and it still hurts to see my mom work a job that pays her $ 1000 per month and barely get by, i had to take up a job just to help out and move back in
  9. My dad used to be in the US all my life, then in 2012 he was deported & only get to see him once a year when I get vacation days. I keep all that pain bottled up of not being able to see him everyday.
  10. My mother was deported 7 years ago. I haven't seen her in 7 years. I miss her so much! What I would give to just hug her again!
  11. My Dad has been deported back to Mexico in 2013. Now that Donald Trump is president, I'm probably never going to see him in person again😢
  12. I got deported from the states even though I'd been there since I was 2. Probably gonna go live in Canada now
  13. I got deported from the United states after living there since I was 2.... Broken system over there.
  14. My dad just got deported... I always thought criminals were the only ones to get deported. My dad only got a speeding ticket and now he's gone...

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Managers Share The Absolute Dumbest Way Their Employees Got Fired

I have never been fired from a job. Is it because I am a terrific employee? No. It is because I know how to hide all my fireable offenses. Here’s a tip. Hide in the bathroom. It is great for screaming, and crying, and its normal function.  

Turns out though not everyone knows all the secrets to avoid getting fired and sometimes proud fools get caught. Whether it was because they were caught drinking and smoking (Instead, smoke and drink in the bathroom), or because they were caught stealing (Instead, steal from the bathroom), or because they screaming at customers (Instead, scream at people in the bathroom.) 

Seriously it would have been very easy to hide these crimes but alas, hubris destroys even the laziest of employees. 

  • I hear you but…

    Every year during the holiday season, I’d warn the new hires, “listen, no matter how tempting it is, don’t steal a customer’s gift card. We can track it, I will track it and if I catch you, you will get fired. Every year people try it, every year people get fired. Don’t do it.” They do it anyway.

    lestermason

  • But it seemed like the perfect crime

    Girl decides to start stealing some of our products from the warehouse and sell them on eBay… as brand-new, with factory warranty. It only took a couple of weeks before we started getting calls for tech support for products with serial numbers we did not have registered as “sold” in the system. Brief investigation leads straight to her.

    She is fired (of course), and legal action pursued, but the sad angle to the story is that her father worked there too, and we were forced to make him stay at home with no pay until it could be determined beyond any doubt that he wasn’t involved.

    beeps-n-boops

  • Why do I need money for things? when I could just steal things?

    Offered a job to a candidate, but had to step out of the office to grab some paperwork. Came back and a bus pass that was on the desk was missing. Newly hired employee stole it. I asked him to return it because a previous candidate dropped it and he said he needed it more than they did and walked out.

    MrHarmCity

  • They’ll never catch me.

    New guy, around 20 yrs old or so, called in sick saying he thinks he had a stroke. Since he lived across the street from the store where we worked, we all then stood and watched through the store’s glass door as he packed up his truck with beach gear and drove off with his girlfriend. Fired the next day.

    MachineGunTeacher

  • A 40% tip.

    Forging a tip on a receipt. Like adding $ 20 wasn’t going to get caught.

    pawvel_catsyuk

  • Don’t ask for permission. Ask for forgiveness.

    During my first real dev job, the company I was working for tried to implement a bunch of things to improve efficiency and employee satisfaction. Two interesting programs they implemented were ‘work from home’ and agile development, along with the requisite bullpens (shared team areas). What this basically meant is that we only had to show up in the office for core hours (4 hours) 3 days a week, and the rest of time we could work in shared areas, restaurants, parks, home – you name it. Sometimes, if you couldn’t be at core hours, you would just dial in. We were young and excited and dedicated, so the core team really got a lot of good work done with this model.

    About two weeks after we started, our scrum master casually mentioned ‘Has anyone seen Phil?’ Phil was a quiet guy, and he was still answering emails and IM, so it took us a while to agree that no-one had actually seen him in a long time. She called him from the speakerphone in the bull-pen, and as God is my witness, here is the call that took place:

    • Boss: Hey Phil! What’s up?

    • Phil: Hey Boss – not much, what’s up with you?

    • Boss: Hey, we were just noticing we hadn’t seen you much lately. You ever coming back in for core hours?

    • Phil: …Probably not…

    • Boss: Oh… why is that?

    • Phil: Because I moved to Idaho.

    • Boss: …But Phil, we’re in DC?

    • Phil: I know.

    • Boss: Why didn’t you tell us you wanted to move to Idaho?

    • Phil: Oh. Because I knew you wouldn’t let me.

    AtlantaPesto

  • He was a High School bully too.

    I had an employee lock another employee in a closet one time. The person that was trapped called the police from inside the closet. It was quite an HR nightmare.

    racord360

  • Only way we can be certain

    Had a server drink out of the customer’s Dr.Pepper and Coke to see which was which….in front of them…

    Zeke219

  • Technically not at work.

    Managed a long term care facility. Got a call one night from a resident telling me that the new night time worker was acting weird. This was about midnight and the shift started at 11. I called my lead (there were 3 people on duty). And asked how the night was going. She told me that “yea ‘Sally’ was sick”. Hmmmm. I put on my shoes and headed in. Now having the administrator show up at almost 1 am is never a good thing so I’m pretty sure all three of them felt scared when I showed up. I took one look at ‘Sally’ leaning against the wall, and asked her to come into my office. I asked her if she had been drinking. “I never drink at work” she slurred at me. I told her I had to have her blow into this tube. We had breathalyzer tubes that registered if they were over a specific level. The crystals changed from clear to dark blue if the alcohol registered over the legal limit. No surprise. Turned dark blue. I asked her again if she had been drinking. She admitted to have been drinking earlier in the evening. She and her friend had been doing shots up until about 10pm. ” but I’m not drunk! I stopped and ate almost 2 hours ago so it’s all out of my system”. Nope. Doesn’t work that way. “Sorry Sally, but I need to let you go. Call someone to come get you”. I told her as I was filling out paperwork for the breathalyzer usage and final check request. ” Oh that’s ok I drove in”. Nope nope nope. She then asked what time she should come in tomorrow.
    “Sally, you no longer work here. Coming to work intoxicated is not tolerated”. Oh. Really? Yes. Really. Please call someone, who has not been drinking, to come get you.
    She called about 16 hours later asking me for her next week schedule. She didn’t remember being at work and getting fired.

    tobusytocare

  • Hiding in plain sight.

    I was assistant manager at a restaurant for a while and one of the newer bussers had called in 3 times in his first two weeks. He called in on Saturday telling me he was deathly sick and couldn’t even get out of bed.

    Around 9pm after the dinner rush one of my servers ask me to go check on table 42. I turn the corner and there is the ‘sick’ busser stoned out of his mind with two buddies eating.

    Half_Past_Five

  • I nearly got away with it too!

    Every day at lunch, she would drink roughly half of her Jimmy Johns (or whatever) soda, then take it with her to the bathroom to fill it back up with whiskey. She did a pretty good job covering up the smell, and since she did it from day 1 it wasn’t immediately obvious that she was getting drunk.

    Found out on day 4 when she knocked her full cup over and we all got punched with the smell of booze in the afternoon.

    Smitty_Oom

  • Don’t.

    Not me, but a friend of mine had to fire a sales clerk because she stole computer duster from the office and left the sales floor during her shift to hide in the supply closet and get high with it.

    Don’t do inhalants, kids.

    aaronsweber

  • At least this has a happy ending.

    Back in my days working at a used car dealership, we had a teen come in and test drive a 1,500 (mile) Corvette, todays equivalent would be the ZR1.

    Anyway, the kid drives it around our set loop once, and is being a little waffley on if he wants to get it or not, he says it doesn’t really drive as well as he thought it would.

    My salesman told him it was user error, and he’d prove it to him, they went out for another loop around, with the employee driving it.

    He managed to get pulled over doing 135 (MPH) in a school zone, got arrested if I recall correctly. Needless to say, he was not welcome back at our store, however the teen did buy the car.

    LillyYoyoINeedGogert

  • This is the worst thing to happen to anyone

    Not me, but my boss.

    Boss had to fire a lady in our office because she lost her “marbles” when someone ate her bagel from the fridge. She literally had a tantrum, like a toddler. Also, the girl who ate it, ate it by mistake. She thought it was a bagel from the office breakfast we had earlier that same morning (it was in the same packaging as the office stuff). Now, I absolutely hate it when people eat my lunch, but the girl who ate the bagel profusely apologized. Even stated she would go and buy her a new one right on the spot. But tantrum lady couldn’t let it go. So, that ended up being her last night.

    kt20871936

  • Crime is pointless.

    He stole a bunch of bananas. Seriously. It was a college dining hall. He was an employee of the dining hall, and got free meals while on-shift. He was not working that day, walked into the serving area, hid a bunch of bananas in his bag, and tried to pass the cashier only paying for what was on his tray. When confronted and asked if he “had forgotten anything, maybe in his bag?” He denied having anything else. Fired on the spot. The worst part, he was on a meal plan (a kind of debit system, except you never get the money back at the end of the semester if you don’t spend it). He had plenty of money for the semester. I have no idea why he felt the need to steal bananas.

    Elim_Tain

  • I thought that was more on a volunteer basis

    Guy hired to manage a store in a mall REFUSED to park in employee parking.

    As I’m sure everyone knows, mall employees have designated parking places, far from the choice spots near mall entrances. This guy refused to park there, and every time he parked illegally, the store got fined $ 100. And he parked in customer parking Every. Damn. Day.

    He was called out on it, the policy was explained over and over. He got written up. He was told that on the next infraction he would be fired. And he did it the very next day.

    Was totally blindsided when we actually fired him.

    Allthenamesareregone

  • Dumb. Weird. Sad.

    Hired a girl to work in a bagel store, who on her first day told me she couldn’t touch any of the meats because she was vegan.

    Had another guy show up for work his first day, was doing just fine, seemed to be good with the job. I went to the office to get some paperwork for him to fill out, and he was just gone. Never came back, didn’t steal anything, no explanation at all.

    The bad one was had to fire a girl for not showing up for several days in a row, saw in a newspaper the next week that she had been in jail the whole time because she had locked her kids in a closet while she was buying coke.

    bbatwork

  • Clever.

    We kept finding stock discrepancies, we couldn’t figure out for a while what was happening. The count on certain items was out (system said we had stuff that wasn’t on the shelf). Eventually found that when a customer bought something with cash, later that same day the same cashier would refund the transaction for cash with no customer around.

    They were fired on the spot – but couldn’t be charged criminally because the way the camera sat they’d been able to block the view of the cash drawer with their body and you couldn’t actually see them take the money out of the till. Even though we knew exactly when the false transactions were posted, footage placed them right there doing ‘something’ and intentionally blocking the view at that exact time, there’s only one way everything added up but they still got away with it.

    If they’d just been pulling cash out we would have caught it right away, but the counts were never out because there was a transaction in the system, so they’d been doing this occasionally for a couple months, we figured they’d gotten away with a couple grand.

    Return procedures changed after that.

    jsrsd

  • Can’t fire them for honesty.

    Used to be a supervisor at a big store in college. Other supervisor overhears an employee telling someone he has a joint in his pocket for later. My boss calls the employee into the back office to discuss with HR. HR rep asks him if he does indeed have pot. Response????? “Nope, I smoked it already.” Almost died laughing.

    PigeonBeans

  • Awesome indeed.

    I used to work at a popular coffee chain and we had this supervisor who was an actor in all these local community theater things and wanted to get into stand up comedy. Well, if somebody was funny he obviously got ticked off that he wasn’t the one in the limelight. A new guy was hired who was really funny and supervisor was always being a dick to him, giving him the shittiest jobs and picking on him. One night, supervisor is being a complete asshole and a bunch of us pipe up to tell him to chill out and he’s being a dick. Something snapped. Supervisor absolutely lost it, went in the backroom and grabbed a bunch of frozen donuts and just came out and was throwing them at funny guy angrily and just swearing at him and berating him. Then he just walked out the back door and walked off down the street.

    We all thought he quit on the spot but he just went to smoke a cigarette and came back 10 minutes later. By that point, someone called the manager and she came in and canned him on the spot and he broke down crying in what had to be the most pathetic, snot ridden scene I’ve ever witnessed. Awesome.

    toconn

  • You had one job.

    I fired an employee for being seen on camera throwing silverware and plates into the dumpster instead of washing them in the automatic dishwasher. She was… wait for it… hired to wash dishes.

    NoNeedForAlias

  • Just give me a 20th chance.

    I used to manage a car window tint shop. We hire some young high school kid to help us clean up, grab supplies, refill inventory – basically whatever we didn’t wanna do. Kid was a self proclaimed DJ, knowing he had school and his “shows”, I told to give me a heads up when he couldn’t make it. We didn’t really need him, so he could take off as much as he wanted and we didn’t care, just an extra hand. A day or two every week, he wouldn’t show up, won’t answer any texts or calls and then show up like nothing happened. He would posts these shows all over social media, so I would text him and ask if he’s coming in. I would get tags about coming to this party and events tonight, so I would reply asking if he was calling out. Still no answer but will come after missing work saying how much he need this job and has a baby on the way (still in high school). Last straw was leaving mid shift, without a word and while attending the front, because he had a show to prepare for. Waited till he showed up again to let him know we didn’t need him anymore and he nearly cried, begging us for a second chance.

    biganjoe

  • This is why don’t befriend your co-workers.

    Retail. Merch order was coming in. Asked him to perform a specific task related to the order. I went to follow up on a few other things. I come back. He is eating cheetos walking around the store. I ask him how he is doing with his task. Tells me hasnt started it. I explain why it was important to do it at that moment. Curses me out in front of coworkers and customers. GM fired him next day due to complaints about incident. He was my best friend. He married and had a baby and all that jazz… haven’t heard from him since that day.

    fibonacci_11235

  • Odds are these tickets were losers?

    Im the assistant manager, but I just have to let this story go. Hired a cashier to help with shifts (and give me days off). After about a week the big Boss and I noticed that our lottery tickets were off, and one was even fucked up(crinkly,scraped,torn). So obviously she has to go through our security tapes with management to find out the problem. So a a bit of back story before the next bit, the guy’s boyfriend at the time used to have my job, and back then the cameras were positioned differently. When he left, my boss had them moved to eliminate blind spots. So when big Boss and bigger boss opened up the tapes, they found this smart guy casually ‘dropping’ large stacks of lottery tickets, and then kicking them over to spots of the cashier area that USED to be blind spots. Not only did he get caught doing this, but because of the exact positioning of where he thought the blind spot was, his boyfriend was charged too. Needless to say, he was fired immediately. Oh, and every ticket stolen is counted as a Felony. Each. Ticket.

    Wheatly_breadington

  • Why get a new job when you can get the oldest job?

    This actually happened at my current place.

    We had a secretary, we were all curious as what she really did during the day since it seemed like nothing got done. I ended up giving her lists to complete but she would throw them in the trash.

    I got fed up and looked at her computer at the end of the day. Which was probably shitty on my part?

    Found out she was prostituting herself with her company email.

    Tlou145

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23 Women Share The Worst Things A Guy Did On Their First Date

Going on a first date is one of the most nerve-wrecking experiences imaginable. But imagine for a second that when you get to the restaurant, you quickly realize that the other person is completely insane. The women of Reddit recently decided to share the worst stuff they’ve had to put with guys…

1.

My wife told me this one yesterday, about her older sister on a first date when she was a teen.

The guy asked her to show up wearing red, anything red. She wore a red skirt with red nails. He drove her to a well known make out spot and tried to convince her to dance beside the car while he played “Lady In Red” from the tape deck. As I understand, she wasn’t impressed.

featherygoose

2. 

If you’re going to ask a girl about her hobbies, don’t spend the next couple of minutes shitting on her hobbies. The one-up game isn’t nice.

Was on a date just last week actually

“Whats your favorite thing to make?”

“I’ve been told I make a really good medium rare steak”

“Medium rare? So all you do is control the temperature? That’s not impressive.”

“…Do you like to cook?”

“No. I don’t see the need to cook. I can just go to a restaurant and buy food. Haha. Why try to make a steak when you can go to a restaurant and get a good one?”

I think with that comment he was trying to show off that he had money to always go out to eat? I have no idea. But jokes on him, what I like to do on later dates is invite the guy over for a home cooked meal. It’s a subtle way of getting a guy over to my place. But that wasn’t going to happen with this one.

pinksugar

3. 

Ask to wear matching outfits. I wish I was kidding.

thewildbunny

4. 

“He initiates a dinner date. Dinner date ends up being with his extended family. Since he drove us, I get stuck back at his mom’s home with extended family while he disappeared somewhere. I’m not even socially comfortable around my own extended family.”

uncappedlynx

5. 

One time, a guy asked me out and showed up in those toe shoes.

Didn’t realize it was at the top of my “no no” list until it happened.

probablyeatingtacos

6. 

Take you to his grandmother’s house and ask her for money to pay for the date…

heyychiaki

7. 

Don’t flirt with the waiter. And the girl sitting next to us. And my roommate…

wesrdctfvygbhunjimko

8.

Wear too much cologne. Be on your phone. Talk about your ex. I had a man who brought her up and said I reminded him of her. Ive also had men just talk about how much they hated their exes it’s just awkward.

ohhsuzyq

9.  

Trying to fingerblast me at dinner

LAX2PDX2LAX

10. 

Take me to your place. A guy did it once, no warning after we went out to eat. I had to ask where we were driving when I assumed he was talking me back to my car and he drove in the other direction.

magicmusi8

11. 

Don’t take your date to olive garden, slurp your soup up really really fast, use your finger to get the remaining traces out of the bowl and lick your fingers, and then request two more soup refills in a row so i have to endure this torture again and again

soofyahn

12.

Ask, “Are you a natural blonde?” then shift your eyes to my crotch. Shudders

GIfuckingJane

13.

I once went on a first date where I got into the guys car and he started drifting through the busy streets in an urban area and refused to stop to let me out of the car. He didn’t wear shoes and brought me to Carl’s Jr. for dinner (which I paid for). As we were driving by an “adult entertainment” store on our way back to my car he asked if I wanted to stop in and go shopping.

AwkwardGeisha

14.

Point out hickies that another girl gave you 3 days prior. Text the hickey girl to tell her you’re on a date with me, then tell me about texting her.

recalcitrantdonut

15. 

Riding around on/bragging about the brand of your hoverboard. Also, don’t stick your tongue in a girl’s ear ten seconds after kissing her for the first time.

ginganinja14

16.

Do not say you’re in love with her on the first date.

It comes off as creepy more so than sweet.

Mirellemagic

17. 

Don’t speculate what color hair and eyes the kids will have.

Seriously–I hadn’t been through one meal with the fellow and he already thinks I’ll bear his children? Yikes!

doublestitch

18. 

Call me “woman”.

Did you already forget my name? Is it a weird power thing? I don’t get it.

mariecurious

19. 

Ask whether the girl had waxed or shaved her private parts. Then, upon hearing no, tell her you have a razor in your backpack.

I noped out of that one right quick.

Pajamaralways

20.

Don’t try to ‘neg’ me and think I won’t notice.

Don’t try any of those art of seduction techniques, for that matter. The only guys who would look them up tend to be the ones who are too socially awkward to execute them without it being freaking obvious. It just comes across as dishonest.

J4viator

21.

Grab a solid handful of your ass cheek as if it were the most appropriate greeting to give your date.

Lemonsweetie

22. 

Late to the party, but still. Don’t bring your 5yo child and tell him “she’s your new mommy “. Nope nope nope.

BasilNuts

23.

Wear skin-tight leggings covered in cats flying through the cosmos.

That was a weird night.

arac62

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22 Olive Garden Employees Share Their Woes With A Side Of Breadsticks

It’s always scary when you’re getting ready to read the confessions of employees that work at your favorite food establishments. While Olive Garden has been the butt of many Conan jokes, all of their menu options taste great and do so without breaking the bank.

But here you are, reading this, knowing that these anonymous confessions mean that you might have to think twice about going back to your failsafe spot. The good news is that if you treat your servers well, then you most likely have nothing to worry about. Beyond that? Well…go ahead and read.

  1. Tough Love

    I'm a server at Olive Garden and if a table is mean to me then I'll give them hard breadsticks.
  2. If you don’t like that, you should try retail

    I'm a server at Olive Garden. I really, REALLY hate my job. People are so damn rude...
  3. 5 second rule

    I work at Olive Garden. Whenever I drop a breadstick on the floor I pick it right back up and give it to them
  4. Like a stale breadstick

    I'm a server at Olive Garden and i'm great at what I do and super outgoing. But when it comes to talking to women I usually freeze up.
  5. I’ll keep that in mind the next time I want a salad, which is never

    I work at Olive Garden and I would never order a salad from there...our salad bar is disgusting
  6. You get what you pay for

    I'm sorry. As a server at Olive Garden I don't give my best service to high schoolers or undergrads, I've found them never to tip But I also don't ignore them.
  7. The hero we need

    I treat my guests how I wanna be served, politely, drinks stay full and their table is stocked w salad an bread (I work at Olive Garden)
  8. Well fed guests means it was a successful wedding

     I work at olive garden and we had a full on WEDDING with people eating their soup and salad while she walked down the aisle. Romantic.
  9. Does the Super Mario theme count?

    I work at Olive Garden and hear cheesy italian music in my sleep.
  10. Is it opposite day?

    The worst thing about working at olive garden is the unlimited soup and salad
  11. Positive workplace culture is always a perk

    At work I always like to share my food with my coworkers, I work at Olive Garden and we are kind of like a weird family. And you always help out your family.
  12. Two wrongs…

    i work at olive garden and when a customer is rude i drop their food on the floor and spit in it
  13. Pretty sure that’s against the law

    I work at Olive Garden, and none of us get a break. People can only smoke when the manager says so and unlocks the back door for them.
  14. Wasn’t that part of the compensation package?

    I work at Olive Garden and all the servers steal breadsticks and eat them while we wait for your food to be ready.
  15. That’s one way to deal with a job

    I get so high right before work each day. Makes working at Olive Garden worth it.
  16. Some don’t do it for the paycheck

    I work at Olive Garden and whenever people come in for birthdays I always volunteer to sing so that I can make really intense eye contact with the person being sung to and watch as they get super uncomfortable.
  17. Based on how long I waited last time, I’m calling you a liar

    I hate working at Olive Garden!!! People think that you have to treat them like royalty! NO! This is fast food too!!
  18. Reduce, Reuse, Redistribute The Wealth

    I work at Olive Garden. They throw away full bottles of wine at the end of the night if they've been opened. Instead I just take them home with me. #SaveTheWine
  19. I mean if it was untouched…

    I work at Olive Garden and almost anytime someone leaves food at a table, the server and/or busser cleaning it up will eat it
  20. Please do

    I work at Olive Garden and my boss says to not clean used cups
  21. I’ve seen that movie

    Im a waitress at Olive Garden... Sometimes i fart near annoying customers...
  22. Well that sure isn’t a 5-star attitude

    I hate my job. People, please learn, Olive Garden is not 5 star dining. Stop bitching.

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25 People Share Their Life-Changing Advice

My mom says this changed her life, and I to this day can’t believe the words came out of my mouth.

When I was 7, my great aunt and uncle who my mom was super close with her entire life were brutally murdered in an attempted robbery of their home. The murderer was the son of their neighbor – he had broken into the wrong home and freaked out and killed them in a panic.

She was devastated, obviously. I remember she wouldn’t tuck us in or eat dinner with us for months. She became a shell of the person she was before. Just wasn’t my mom anymore.

So one day, in my 2nd grade class, we were for some god given reason learning about coping skills and depression.

I didn’t know the specifics of what had happened at the age of 7 obviously, but apparently that day when my mom got home from work, I asked her if I could walk her out to the end of the driveway before she went on her run (REALLY long driveway). She of course agreed, and during this 5 minute walk to the end of the driveway the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Mom. You’ve been sad lately.”

Mom: “Yeah, I have honey. Mommy is just going through a lot of stuff right now.”

Me: “Because of Aunt xxx and Uncle yyy?”

Mom: “Yes.”

-silence until we get to the end of the driveway-

Me: “Have you heard of coping skills?”

Mom: “Coping skills? Where did you hear that?”

Me: “We learned about coping skills in class today. When bad stuff happens people get sad. Sometimes they need help using their coping skills to feel better. I think you need coping skills.”

My mom basically broke down crying and laughing because how is this 7 year old saying this to me and hugged me. She assured me she would and told me to go back inside.

She admitted to me when I was much older that she didn’t know what would’ve happened to her if I hadn’t asked her to go get help. It’s honestly crazy to me because I have very little memory of the event beyond her story. I remember her being sad, and I remember her getting better, but I don’t remember being the reason for it.

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23 People Share What They Always Suspected About Their Families

Every family has secrets. Whether it is the family’s secret apple pie recipe, or the secret child who lives in the attic. Families try to keep a secret a secret by only teaching certain people the recipe, or tightening the child’s chains.

The thing about secrets, though, is that they get out eventually. Someone will leak the recipe, or someone might begin to wonder what those strange noises coming from attic are. 

Even if you try to keep these family secret from your own family member, they will piece it together eventually. After enough slices of apple pie or listening to the howling night after night, the clues start to add up.

To be clear, these are just examples that do not need follow up questions. I promise you, my family does not have a secret apple pie recipe. 

  1. She may as well just see this thing through

    That my mom really doesn’t like us but is still committed

    Ophiopogon

  2. She failed, by the way

    That my mother attempted to kill me and my father, more than once.

    Borrowed_Laptop

  3. Shh.

    I think my dad might be a spy.

    He used to be in the airforce, where he was trained in radio comms and cryptography. He had a top secret clearance due to this job, and spent hours every day training in Wing Chung kung-fu.

    After he “left” he took up a a job with a company in some industrial estate, where he was unable to explain what it was he actually did, and was often sent overseas on “business trips”.

    I think something went down though, because he left and started working on some “small businesses” with a RAAF mate of his. At one point he moved to Malaysia for three months. Something else must have gone down, cause he stopped doing that and went into real estate.

    But I suspect he got bored, and got back into the game, because he started working for another “company” doing another job he can’t really explain, only now I think he’s a handler or something. He’s still sent abroad, but less often. He spends a lot of time at the office, and he’s always working on these weird projects using old radio tech.

    LucidicShadow

  4. We need to have a talk…

    I saw on my younger brother’s birth certificate the “Previous Children From Same Parents” field blank. Either the doctors fucked up, I’m adopted or I’m the milkman’s son. Hoping it’s the first.

    epicsmiley14

  5. He’ll be back any day now

    I think my father hasn’t really been searching the world for that one fine cigarette for twenty years now

    WowHelloHi

  6. That is pretty dark

    This is pretty dark but I think my brother was molested by my grandmother. He slept in her bed until he was 12 and she babied him. Treated him like her husband pretty much.

    FueledBySin

  7. Let’s hear more about this

    That it is the destiny of the men in my family to kill at least one other person, whether because of duty, hate, or necessity. None of us have any criminal record btw.

    LasaroM

  8. Just have someone else make the meal

    My aunt cooks the Thanksgiving turkey with the plastic bag of fowl innards still inside the bird.

    Back2Bach

  9. Did he know you were going to say this?

    I think my Dad might have superpowers and not telling me. His power, he can see the future.

    Many numerous times he has predicted otherwise unpredictable and unforeseeable events and knew things that you otherwise wouldn’t have been able to guess for a while.

    Dark_Ham101

  10. Seems unlikely

    My mother is a virgin

    reddit

  11. Worse than death by Snoo Snoo

    They eat men. There is not a single man in my family. We are all a pack of women and I think they have developed a taste for blood and testosterone.

    randomlypostin

  12. Haha. Yes. Joking.

    Well, my father has consistently joked with us that he is an alien. Roughly 600 years old. I suspect he’s telling the truth.

    Ignite-athon

  13. So long, everyone

    I suspect both my parents have exactly the life they want now that I’ve moved so far away. My father has my brothers. He was never thrilled with having a daughter. My mother essentially has no kids now since she cut off my older brother (my younger brother is not her son) and rarely speaks to me, if at all. My suspicions of her are based on more evidence, since she abandoned my brother and I as children.

    Asakitty218

  14. You all should go on Maury

    That my father isn’t actually my father. There was a time in the 70’s, when the sexual revolution was in full swing and before my holy-roller uncle had become a holy-roller, that my parents won’t talk about. But unsolicited comments have been made by people outside the family how I look more like my uncle than my father. And if you work backwards from my birthday, it would have taken place around Christmas time when the whole family was together.

    It’s not something I can really prove because no one old enough to remember that time is willing to talk about it. And even though I joke about it with my father, the idea of a paternity test is off the table. The only proof I have is when my mother had started to succumb to Pick’s disease and became really REALLY honest. But even then I can’t guarantee its true since at the time she would also tell us about the aliens that were outside her window. So my life may be a complete lie, or it could be all true. I have no way of knowing which it is.

    boneheaddigger

  15. It was a different time.

    That my great uncle (my grandma’s brother) was gay.

    I would have never had an issue with it, but if he had came out to his family, it would have been a huge scandal.

    There isn’t any kind of proof of it, it’s just a feeling I always got from him (he never got married among other things). And I’m not the only (younger) member of the family that thought so.

    cold_in_the_south

  16. Oh, boy.

    I think my parents hate each other.

    At the start of September my mom wasn’t home and I didn’t have my phone and I forgot her number so I was trying to find a way to call her. Being the nosey little shit I am, I went on her computer and looked through her facebook for numbers of family friends that maybe I could call and get her number from.

    Eventually this led to me going through her e-mail (I know I know this was wrong but I needed to call her it was urgent) I found an e-mail to my dad titled “I don’t love you” I read it over and over again, completely in disbelief. They fought sometimes but they always seemed so happy, I quickly copied the message and saved it to a google doc.

    I haven’t confronted them about it, it’s eating me up inside, but I’m afraid they’re only holding it together to keep me and my sister happy and if I confronted them they would get a divorce. I just can’t do that to my sister.

    Dieutain

  17. I think we may all be oops babies

    I was going to be aborted. My mom hates babies and she wanted a career. I was an opps baby and it kinda slipped out of my dad’s mouth. I don’t blame her though.

    lisetteatthelibrary

  18. That adjective does make this better

    That my parents are functioning alcoholics.

    todayisnotyourday

  19. At least they found someone after finding someone

    I’m pretty sure both of my parents are having affairs, and I’m not sure if they both know or they don’t. I’m not sure which one makes me feel worse.

    CattBooty

  20. Family road trips must have been quite an experience

    My dad ran drugs (cocaine) over the border into San Diego in the 70s. His best friend spilled the beans to me one night working on my car after a few barley pops.

    Mentioned how they used to smoke grass and that they were bringing kilos and kilos of white into the US and that it was so damn easy at the time.

    That being said, I over heard him one time talking to a close friend of his that had just gotten a great life insurance plan. My dad says ‘oh they’re not going to know about it until I’m gone. Its so much that they’d want to off me in a quick minute. I saved and saved and saved.’

    I’m convinced he has a decent amount of cash waiting in an out of country bank account for when he retires and for my siblings when he dies. He’s very secretive when it comes to his income and spending. I grew up upper middle class and never really worried about money (I hope that doesn’t sound douchey, just trying to describe it).

    DrOOpieS

  21. Are you sure you don’t believe this?

    i don’t anymore, but when i was little I thought my dad was Indiana Jones

    rainbowcanoe

  22. This a legitimate horror movie

    Something traumatic happened to me when I was around 5.

    I have a blank spot about 7 or 8 months long. I have clear memories of before and after. During the same time, my older sister and brother left home (16 and 17).

    My youngest brother who is about 8 years older than me alluded to it but wont say what. My Mom acts like she doesnt know what I am talking about. My Dad wouldnt say shit, and he died several years ago.

    I dont have any idea what it could be, but 40 years later ill wake up really terrified over an unknown face and fear of nothing in particular.

    I remember moving into this house and later moving out, and almost nothing while we were there. My memories from the time we left that house are fine.

    Ravelife13

  23. Genes don’t lie

     

    I’m late to the party, but here goes. My suspicion started in 9th grade biology when we were learning genetics, specifically attached/detached earlobes. Mine are attached, whilst my parents were detached. This didn’t add up for me, and always left a question in the back of my mind.

    Fast forward to 2015, dad died in 10, and mom’s health is rapidly deteriorating. I was visiting mom in the home December 27 for XMas and her birthday (28th). She tells me that I was adopted, and that my “cousin” is my real mom, and her two kids are my siblings. I was 39 when I finally got proof to something I always suspected.

    Genetics are never wrong.

    Ralph-Hinkley

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