These Recipes From Kids Will Make Your Stomach Hurt From Laughing

Kids say the darndest things and cannot be trusted with fire, so they make bad people to follow in the kitchen. But we still love hearing their ideas about food, because they’re so imaginative. Food is more a supply from the craft store than something you would eat.

This is dangerous for the digestive system but good for laughs. Twitter user Jordan Adams shared a cookbook from his nephew’s pre-k class, and they’re the perfect example of the delirious minds that want to serve you actual mud pies:

Ethan’s Eggs sound delicious, but they are missing one key ingredient: eggs.

Ariana’s Macaroni involves time at the pool, which I am on board with.

Joe’s Tacos took a really fast turn. He does NOT want tacos.

And Sebastian’s Pancakes sound delicious, but they’re pretty pricey:

Though they would never eat any of these recipes in a million years, people love them:

And find them pretty relatable, actually:

It’s like demented Ratatouille in here.

Getting recipes from kids is a pretty common thing, because it’s always funny. Some people shared their own weirdo recipes from school, which they’ve held onto all these years in case they want to give themselves food poisoning someday:

Maybe even on Thanksgiving:

And teachers everywhere love compiling them:

We need them!

Keep me laughing, kids, as I eat this boring sandwich that is made with bread instead of two skateboards, or something.

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People Are Roasting The 23andMe DNA Test With These Hilarious Memes

I can get why people are obsessed with the origins of their ancestry.

One: because it’s cool to know where you came from and chart all of the different ethnicities and parts of the world that had to be involved to culminate in the creation of you.

There could be any number of reasons a person would want to know the origins of their genetic makeup and there’s no shortage of services that’ll do that for you.

Like the popular service, 23andMe. It’s gotten so popular, in fact, that people have used its test results template to create some hilarious memes.

It’s the perfect vehicle for making references to popular song lyrics.

People have also been using the memes to make fun of themselves.

They’re just so, so, so good.

This person was shocked to discover that a significant portion of their genetic makeup is Irish soda bread.

While others use the meme as an opportunity to catch RDJ’s attention.

This person was shocked to discover they were made out of clothing.

The finds were just super fascinating.

This Twitter user found a review that I hope is some kind of twisted joke while signing up for 23andme’s service.

In recent news, there’s been some trepidation about ancestry sites, as many are afraid the DNA testing facilities are just fronts to collect user data and then dole out that data to whoever they see fit.

The concerns were originally raised when it was revealed that the Golden State Killer was helped identified by an ancestry service similar to 23andme.

So even if your personal data’s being given out, at least you can console yourself with the fact that a killer was caught because you maybe gave away some of your privacy, yeah?

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People Can't Get Over The $168 Price Of These 'Extreme Cut Out Jeans'

I never got the idea of walking around in jeans with holes in them.

Maybe I don’t get fashion or style, maybe it’s because I’m the child of immigrants who were very concerned with not looking shabby. But whenever I’d watch Beverly Hills 90210 and I’d see a character rocking ripped denim, I would say to myself, “What is wrong with them? Do they think that looks cool?”

And maybe there is something to be said about the “rough and tumble” look. 

I’d argue that the above person would probably look great in everything (great abs), but I could get some pants with a little bit of a tear in them.

But apparently, people need more holes. Like, a lot more holes. Which may be why Carmar debuted their “Extreme Cut Out Jean.”

Described as a “high rise pant with large statement cutouts on front and back,” these jeans look like you decked out your washing machine with razor blades and tossed a pair of Levis in there.

Not only do these bad boys not cover up any major part of your body and you’re apparently required to wear a one-piece bathing suit “underneath” it, they also cost a whopping $ 168.

Now you might say to yourself, “Well, the sides of these pants must surely offer some level of protection against the elements?”

But they don’t.

And if the sides don’t offer up any protection, then surely, surely, surely the back of the pants might offer up a buffer against wind and rain?

No such luck. Just a whole lot of exposed booty. 

One would ever argue that these loose, thin strips of cloth make these things annoying and dangerous to wear. They can easily get snagged on things, trapped in subway doors, handles, gate hooks. I mean what if a cat sees this strip of cloth and thinks it’s a toy?

People roasted the jeans after seeing them pop up online.

Maybe you could wear these things to the beach for some reason…I guess?

But $ 168 for them?! Really?!

I mean I guess there are some functional benefits to wearing these.

But it’s easy to see why so many people hate them.

People are having a hard time to even figure out how to wear these.

In what situation could anyone wear these $ 50 trousers? If it’s a sunny day, then you’re going to get weird tan lines on your legs as a result, plus your butt will be sweaty from having fabric clinging to it all day. If it’s a bit cold, then you’ll be freezing because half of your legs will be exposed.

I’m starting to think that designers intentionally create stuff like this to give themselves some brand recognition, because it’s hard to believe that there are enough people out there buying stuff like this. But then again what do I know? I buy a lot of my clothes at Costco.

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22 Of The Worst 'Bad Teacher' Stories These Adults Still Remember

When you’re a kid, adults seem to have total control over your lives wherever you go. If you’re lucky, you have parents you love and can stand being around. But in school, you never know what you’re gonna get and it changes from period to period. Maybe a teacher will change your life for the better or maybe they’ll be nothing but an extremely hostile babysitter to 30 rambunctious middle schoolers.

If you had a bad run-in with a lousy teacher, it might haunt you forever, even when you’re a grown adult who has moved on to better things. For some reason, an authority figure saying or doing something mean sticks with you. This was proven true when Twitter user and Cartoon Network employee Marie Lum asked her followers if they had any anecdotes about things their teachers had done long ago that still bothered them today.

But first she shared hers:

Gasp! Horrible, but not surprising. Lots of other people had their own very specific, very annoying encounters with bad teachers, who did everything from tie them to the desk to insist they were spelling their own names wrong:

Any of these stories remind you of someone mean holding a ruler??

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These Women Played Hilarious Pranks On Men Who Creeped Them Online

It seems like there’s no way to stop men as a group from sending unsolicited pics or requesting nudes from women they barely know, but many ladies are taking them on one by one. Anyone faced with online or IRL harassment has strategies for avoiding difficult situations with creepers. Some are merely for safety, but some are also for kicks. If men won’t leave us alone, we should at least get to have some fun. 

Here are some of the creative ways women have figured out how to deal with the weirdoes who won’t take no for an answer—or who don’t even bother asking first.

Or try my favorite move of all: say no, and then block. Extremely satisfying.

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These Are All The 'Clinton Scandals' The Trumps May Now Be In Trouble For

In some kind of ultimate pot-calling-the-kettle-black turn of events, the Trump administration has been suspected of a growing laundry list of the same scandals that they’ve been hounding the Clintons for.

The most recent revelation is that Jared Kushner, along with at least five other current and former Trump administration members, including Steve Bannon and Ivanka Trump, have used private emails to conduct White House business.

The Daily Show‘s Trevor Noah noted the irony in his show on Tuesday, saying, “Private emails, working with Goldman Sachs, being shady with foundation money. I wouldn’t be shocked if we find out that they were also wearing pantsuits in secret.”

Noah also suggested that, in return, perhaps Hillary Clinton could adopt some of the things Trump has done:”She’s gotta start being racist to Mexicans, start sending out tweets at 3AM, and since Trump got to grab women by the p*ssy, Hillary gets to go around America yanking dudes by the d*ck.”

Here’s a clip of the segment:

Noah is on point as always.

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These Parents Wrote The World's Funniest Letter From The Tooth Fairy

Henry Warren’s son Sam recently lost a tooth, and Warren decided the tooth fairy needed to respond in a way that encouraged his son to get better at dental hygiene. The resulting letter will prepare Sam for a lifetime of dealing with dodgy gym membership contracts.

After the ingenious letter went viral on Twitter, Henry Warren spoke to BuzzFeed about Sam’s reaction to the tooth fairy’s correspondence. Apparently, Sam was “rather chastened,” but “one is never too young to be exposed to petty bureaucracy.” After all, the Warren family is British, and it apparently is the British way.

“Whilst the tone may have come across as a touch harsh, we think people should take the time to appreciate how hard it is being a tooth fairy in Theresa May’s Britain,” said Henry. “The Department of Tooth Fairies (DoTF) has not been immune to austerity. Barry’s hours are long, the pay is poor, (the free dental is obviously a plus) but overall it’s a tough gig.”

“We’re sure that Barry was just processing the tooth through the proper channels,” Henry said. “He’s a stickler. One has to be these days.”

From the Twitter response, it seems like Henry is inspiring other parents to take similar action. Pity the poor children who will get similar letters from pedantic tooth fairies in the future.

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These Photos From A Clergy Fashion Catalog Are The Best Thing On The Internet Today

I’m Catholic, so I must beg, Father, for you to please forgive me for what I am about to do—namely, show you stills from a clergy fashion catalog that bring all new meaning to the phrase “dad bods.”

British Twitter user Abi Bleach found these stills from the Wippell’s catalog, which has been outfitting clergymen since, literally, the 18th century (Europe is SO OLD, y’all).

And all I’ll say is that the blonde priest in these pictures is inspiring more than one deadly sin in me. 

Perhaps even more delightful than these pictures is the response from some actual clerics. 

A BREASTFEEDING CASSOCK. Plus, there is this crushable cleric selfie.

*Gives self the sign of the cross.*

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You Don't Need Special Glasses To Read These Very Funny Eclipse Tweets

The Great American Eclipse is happening NOW, people (or it already happened. I don’t know when you’re reading this!). And the great thing about this eclipse is that while in the past, people had to just go “wow” at how beautiful it all is, now we can livetweet the eclipse for all our friends, for it is 2017 and America is already great.

And yeah, the eclipse is stunning, but not even as much as this joke, let’s be real.

Or all the Twilight jokes.

Or when people noticed how weird all this eclipse fashion was. 

Just don’t stare at these tweets too hard.

Happy two-minute magic darkness y’all!

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These 35 Haircut Fails Will Make You Never Want To Try A New Hairdo

I’ve had the same haircut for 27 years and I have no idea how to explain it to people. The closest I can come is just “standard male haircut,” which most people seem to understand, but is still pretty vague. 

This causes some problems whenever I go to the barber and they ask me what I want. I don’t want to say “standard male haircut,” because they might think I am making fun of their profession. So instead I just say, “Uh, shorter.” 

Thankfully, that always does the trick and I leave with exactly what I wanted. Still, I am always afraid that my requests are so vague that I’ll walk away looking like one of these guys. 

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