Kids are known for being unintentionally hilarious at times. Whether it’s because they don’t have a complete grasp on language yet, or just because they don’t fully understand the world. But in the case of James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of three girls, it’s probably because his kids have inherited the comedian gene. Breakwell, aka @XplodingUnicorn, shares the hilarious conversations he has with his daughters on Twitter every day, and they’re pure gold.
Dragons > math.
Me: What did you do at school today?
5-year-old: Learned about dragons.
Me: Your class learned about dragons?
5: I learned about dragons. I don’t know what everybody else was doing.
Guy Texts His Girlfriend Some Hilarious Ground Rules Before They Watch ‘Infinity War’ Together
We all have that one movie we really, really want to see. The one we’ve obsessed over for months or sometimes years. We’ve watched the trailers, read all the fan theories, and monitored director changes. Of course we bought pre-sale tickets before post production even began.
Now there’s nothing wrong with going to see that movie alone, but there is usually a special someone you want to tag along that makes the movie watching experience that much more enjoyable.
Just as long as they follow some basic guidelines and protocols, of course.
Usually, those guidelines are unspoken rules and if you have to really spell them out for the friend you’re bringing along to see the movie you-just-can’t-wait-to-see, then chances are they weren’t your first choice to bring with you to watch the film anyway.
However, some people want to be extra, super, specific, clear, and open about what they expect from their movie-watching experience. Like this guy who is very, very, very much looking forward to Marvel’s Infinity War. So much so that he texted his girlfriend an extensive list of ground rules she is expected to adhere to while they watch the movie.
I mean I get where the guy is coming from, don’t you hate it when you’re excited about something and the person you’re with doesn’t care as much as you do? Here’s hoping his SO is good at faking tears, and having a lawyer handy.
He shows just how serious he is about watching this film with rule #6 though. Mass shootings be damned, he will make it to the end of Infinity War.
But, if she abides, she gets to have her favorite ice cream afterwards. I guess that’s reward enough for subduing a deranged psychopath with a gun, right?
The Winter Olympics in PyeongChang are giving people a brief respite from bad news. We get to see people at the top of their game, living life to the fullest, while dancing on ice or flying over a snow hill. It’s beautiful.
People have become particularly obsessed with the young’ns.
At the top of the list are 17-year-olds Chloe Kim and Red Gerard, who both won the gold medal for snowboarding, and whose wholesome teen-ness has been on full display throughout the competition.
They’re very cute and relatable. But that relatable quality ends for the vast majority of people when their Olympic accomplishments come up.
SB Nation tweeted that Kim and Gerard are the two youngest snowboarding gold medalists in Olympic history, then asked followers, “What were you doing when you were 17?”
And everyone’s responses show why they weren’t getting awarded the highest honor in athletics:
Aside from being a nerd and touching themselves, many former teens were enjoying the drugs and alcohol:
Though some had more innocent pastimes:
Though some are pretty pissed that they’re being asked about their accomplishments when they didn’t have the leg up Kim and Gerard supposedly did:
It’s true, we would all be Olympic gold medalists if all things were equal. Except me, because as a teen I hated sports.
One of the biggest reasons the original Deadpool film was such a huge success and earned Fox such a ginormous box office return was because Ryan Reynolds worked his butt off to ensure it was as Deadpool-ey of a movie as possible.
That meant violence. It meant gore. It meant sex and inappropriate jokes and a lot of breaking the fourth wall.
Now that kind of thing might seem like a movie producer’s worst nightmare. Major motion picture studios looking for the highest rate of return are allured by family-friendly, safe cinematic choices. The more mundane and mediocre and inoffensive a film is, the more guaranteed of a return of investment, statistically speaking.
I mean, there’s a reason why a film about a bunch of murderous bad guys ended up being rated PG-13 and watered down to a “meh” mess. A “meh” mess that nabbed nearly $ 750 million at the box office.
Deadpool was a huge departure from that boring, MPAA-rating-friendly studio process and it ended up reaping the benefits. Fox greenlit a sequel almost immediately after the film’s opening box-office numbers came in, and things were looking great.
But Disney’s CEO, Bob Iger, assures fan that Disney’s got no problem with being in the R-rated film business, just as long as “audiences know what’s coming.”
Which means that the upcoming film won’t receive a whole bunch of edits and cuts for the sake of assuring the film isn’t “too edgy.”
Ryan Reynolds took the news of Disney’s buyout in typical Deadpool fashion.
And Twitter was ecstatic that their favorite foul mouthed red bodysuit wearing unkillable smart-cracking ninja won’t be censored.
But people don’t want the love to stop at Deadpool 2, they’re worried that Iger’s just talking about the film as if it’s a one time thing.
While others aren’t exactly holding out hope for the future.
It could make sense for Disney to keep some particular superhero films rated R. Movies like Logan and Deadpool could get their own treatment or exist in an “alternate timeline,” where the more family friendly films aren’t tied to their risque counterparts.
But seriously, the Deadpool movies need to stay rated R so when the Spiderman crossover films come out, this happens.
Being drunk and ordering fast food is a time honored tradition, but there are some rules. Don’t puke and don’t give the cashier a hard time. Fortunately, this possibly wasted girl in a Taco Bell managed not to vomit, but unfortunately she made a few Taco Bell employees pretty miserable.
In this two minute clip posted to YouTube, a woman approaches the counter and attempts to order a “medium fries from the dollar menu.” She is absolutely sure she is in a Burger King. The cashier explains that they have tacos or burritos, because this is a Taco Bell. The employee sounds a little sarcastic, but just barely considering the situation.
Then the customer turns to address the other patrons as though they’re gonna back her up, saying, “This is racism at its f—king finest.”
Someone off camera says, “It’s not, girl.” Thank goodness.
But she insists, “No, it is.”
At this point the cashier tries to help her read the menu, which she seems to be struggling with, but the woman decides to leave. Though she doesn’t seem to know exactly what’s going on, she at least knows she’s embarrassing herself.
Oddly enough, some Taco Bells are serving nacho fries, which are potato fries with a cheese dipping sauce. But it doesn’t seem like that’s what this woman is referencing, much to everyone’s amusement.
Being too confused to know what you’re eating is one thing, but don’t politicize Taco Bell. You’re ruining everyone else’s buzz.
Finnair plans to start weighing passengers before they board their flight in an effort to work out just how much extra weight their planes are carrying. It’s no secret that waistlines across the industrialized world are expanding, the average American man weighs 15 pounds more now than he did 20 years ago.
This rapid rise presents a problem for Finnair, who are currently balancing their planes based on estimates from the European Aviation Safety Agency, which were made eight years ago, according to The Sun.
According to the old estimates, the average male passengers weighs 185 pounds, while the average female weighs 144 pounds. However, the average Finnish man is 2 pounds heavier than that estimate, and the average Finnish woman is 11 pounds heavier.
The airline wants to stick between 100 and 150 of its passengers on the scales before every flight to get a better idea of how much the average customer weighs.
They’re not planning on penalizing anyone they consider overweight, though. However, the program could cut operating costs by giving them more exact estimates on just how much fuel every flight needs.
Sami Suokas, manager of customer processes at Finnair, said:
Suokas revealed that they’re starting now because passengers tend to fluctuate in weight between summer and winter.
This isn’t the first time an airline has weighed passengers. Hawaiian Airlines weighed passengers for six months in 2016 on their route between Honolulu and the American Samoa.
Samoans have one of the highest rates of obesity in the world, and the airline won the right to put passengers on the scales to save fuel and prevent accidents despite numerous complaints to courts from passengers.
Hawaiian Airlines have since completed their study.
The feud between the Trump family and CNN isn’t exactly new.
When President Trump isn’t tweeting #fakenews at CNN, he’s reposting shady GIFs and degrading images:
So when President Trump pledged $ 1 million to the Hurricane Harvey relief fund, I guess it was inevitable that Eric Trump, now executive VP of The Trump Organization, would take to social media to go after the network.
Eric Trump taunted CNN on Twitter:
The news outlet fired back at Eric Trump, with receipts and time stamps of how they had already reported Trump’s pledge.
And his tweet backfired… hard:
No one knows the Trump family’s real reason was for tweeting CNN, but we know that Hurricane Harvey is nothing to joke about.
If you would like to donate to the relief effort, please click here.
I remember nearly every detail, down to the socks he was wearing, when I first brought my son home from the hospital. The way I gingerly put him in the car seat. The way my wife kept looking at him as she sat in the back of the car. His little polar bear onesie and how the flowers in the vase tipped over and got water all over my laptop, breaking it. Me being angry for two seconds then looking at my son’s face and forgetting all about it.
I still have the clothes my baby boy was wearing that day tucked away. I can’t wait to show him that blanket and outfit in the future. And who knows? If he has a kid one day maybe they can use the same outfit and blanket, but that’s years from now.
Most likely the blanket and clothes will be lost or destroyed from now until then, but I admit that if I lost that t hing now, I’d be crushed.
Just like this family was to discover that the homemade blanket they brought their baby girl from the hospital in went missing.
So her parents put out the word in hopes that their blankie would be found.
Today at brunch (McGuire’s) somewhere between our walk inside, while we were eating, or our exit out of the restaurant, our precious girl’s blanket went missing. (This is the blanket she sleeps with every night and was brought home from the hospital wrapped in). Unaware of this until we made it home, I rushed back to McGuire’s with no luck, searched the whole restaurant up and down along with the parking lot. I know social media is big nowadays so every share means a lot and we would really like to have the blanket returned, no harm no foul on whether it was accidentally picked up and forgot about or whatever may have happened to it. Please share this and hopefully this hand-made, sentimental blanket can be returned to the rightful owner, contact me if it is found, thank you all. Corey Ness – (850)-293-2176! ?
People began sharing their message, but so far, it hasn’t turned up.
If there’s two things I remember about the DuckTales cartoon it’s that there was a giant Duck-Pilot character who was stupidly named Launchpad McQuack, and that it had the greatest theme song from any cartoon, ever.
Jesus, I cannot stop singing it.
Any kid who grew up in the ’90s will tell you that DuckTales was the absolute sh*t. Seriously, I don’t know a single kid who didn’t love this show. Sadly, because human beings are the absolute worst, the show was eventually taken off air.
But since everything from the ’90s is being rebooted, it was only a matter of time before DuckTales made its way back onto TV.
The cast of the cartoon looks absolutely amazing and they all got together to sing the classic theme song to kick off the awesome news that this very-deserving cartoon’s getting a reboot.
It’s insane to think that the cast of a children’s cartoon is filled with so many amazing actors.