A Vegan Discovered That Mayo Has Eggs In It At The Worst Possible Moment

Folks like to mock vegans, probably because a lot of them are pretty preachy about their lifestyle. But I gotta give it up to anyone who is strongly committed to their moral compassing, especially when that compass points them away from delicious, delicious cheese.

It’s not that easy to eat vegan in this world, especially if you want to eat at a fast food franchise or anywhere affordable. So, this story of a woman who faced vegan-defeat at a Subway sandwich shop is both funny and tragic.

A Subway worker named Gabriel Caulfield-Bohlken wrote about their encounter with a confused vegan on Facebook, and Reddit user u/Gresh66 also shared this tale on the Jokes subreddit, though it’s more like a Greek tragedy:

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, “can I get some mayo?”

I look at her, she’s looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I’m waiting for her to be like haha jk.

Nothing.

Me: “You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?”

THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT.

She stood there for a second.

V: “N-no it doesn’t, I get mayo every time, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, mayo has egg whites in it.”

I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl’s world.

I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here.

Me: “Would you like the mayo on it ma’am?”

V: “Sure, go ahead.”

She sounded so done, so defeated,

So I gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out.

Me: “Thank you for coming, have a nice day!”

She just looked at me, sighed, “yea, I’ll try” and walked out.

And that’s the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.

Damn. I feel that. She’s trying so hard to stick to her beliefs, and she thinks she’s found this delicious vegan workaround. Yum! Mayo is so good! And it’s vegan? Wow.

Then BAM, reality check. All those days she went to bed feeling satisfied and successfully vegan, only to find out it was all a lie. That would be shattering. But, for the record, they do make a vegan mayonnaise, and it’s actually pretty good:

It just doesn’t seem like they have it at Subway.

Commenters are very into this story, but what’s funny about it is that it seems like a lot of people have no freaking clue what’s in mayonnaise:

People don’t know anything about anything, actually:

I’m actually scared for humanity:

But at least a few people appreciated the server’s honesty. Obviously, this girl had gone through a lot of Subway workers who were not so kind:

Or maybe they just had no idea what’s in mayo either? Seems to be a common problem.

Other vegans also weighed in to say they understood the woman’s reaction completely.

Hopefully she rallied and Googled “vegan mayonnaise” for those homemade sammies. We all deserve a little flavor.

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This Grocery Store Trolled A Woman After She Went On A Hilarious Rant About Vegan Cheese

In case you haven’t seen the YouTube videos of their meltdowns, here’s an important fact to remember: vegans don’t eat cheese. So, in order to accommodate a variety of diets, the UK-based supermarket chain Sainsbury’s began carrying a line of coconut milk-based vegan cheese. 

It sounds a little gross, but no big deal, right? WRONG. 

One woman was NOT about to be duped by manipulative marketing techniques calling vegan cheese “cheese,” so she took to the chain’s Facebook page to speak her mind. 

Get ready:

CHEESE.

If you’re going to be a vegan don’t call your vegan cheese BECAUSE IT’S NOT CHEESE!!!!! As a real cheese fan myself it’s really annoyed me that Sainsbury’s have brought out a “Vegan Cheese” made with COCONUTS. CHEESE IS NOT MADE WITH COCONUTS. Call it Gary or something don’t call it Cheese because IT’S NOT CHEESE!!!!!! Just to recap, in case you have forgotten — cheese is a delicious food made mostly from the milk of cows but also other animals including sheep, goats, buffalo, reindeer, camels and yaks. Around 4000 years ago people have started to breed animals and process their milk. That’s when the cheese was born. So Sainburys can F off. Go enjoy your cheese less life. Don’t try to make up a substitute cheese and call it cheese because it’s not and you’ve decided your way of life. It’s ridiculous that they’ve used the word cheese!!! Don’t come to my Cheese and Wine Parties if you’re going to eat COCONUT CHEESE. (If you’re allergic to cheese I feel for you) If you’re a Vegan because you’ve chosen to be and not that you’re allergic I’m not interested in your views about vegan cheese or that ‘eating products from animals is bad.’

TBH, we sort of agree a little because NOTHING RUINS WINE AND CHEESE PARTIES LIKE VEGANS WITH THEIR FAKE COCONUT CHEESE. Cheese which we will now refer to only as “Gary or something.”

Attention all vegans: go enjoy your cheeseless life. You and your substitutes are dead to us. Your beliefs are invalid and no one likes you

Sainsbury’s, our new favorite UK-based supermarket chain, decided to take their dissatisfied customer’s concerns seriously and announced their new line of Gary. 

Quality customer service is not dead. 

Now the whole Gary thing is catching on everywhere… Because vegans, despite being no fun at wine and cheese parties, actually have a sense of humor. 

So, we hope everyone will oblige and accept the name change. Besides, “cheese” was sooo 2015. 

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