17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. I’d watch this movie.

2. I hope the clarification is something along the lines of, “LOL you believed me, idiot?!”

3. Well, well, well.

4. Deep down inside you had to know there was a reason for your persistent alcoholism.

5. Wait, they’re arming these roosters now?!

6. Ahh the old, “I’m too fat to be a rapist” strategy.

7. KFC? No way. Now Popeye’s is a different story…

8. The day the margaritas died.

9. “He would’ve wanted this.”

10. “It’s time to tackle the real evil in society!”

11. Missouri…what are you doing?

12. You know, he gets a bad rap for no reason.

13. Imagine what he could do with a sloppy joe.

14. Goodbye, you legend.

15. An appropriate response.

16. Millennials will stop at nothing when it comes to their diabolical plot to incorporate avocados into every aspect of life.

17. These kids are awesome. End of discussion.

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One Week After Couple Adopts Triplets, Their Doctor Gives Them This News

Sometimes destiny can throw you a curveball. This is particularly true in the case of Sarah and Andy Justice, a Tulsa, Oklahoma couple desperately longing to be parents. After years of unsuccessful attempts at conception, the Justices decided it was time to consider adoption.

Yet, like their three long years waiting to conceive, the adoption process proved equally frustrating. Still, the couple persevered and was soon given the chance to adopt not just one, not two, but three babies. Once the triplets were born, however, something unbelievable happened… 


Sarah and Andy Justice had been married for three years and while they were loving life together, they were missing one, vital thing: children of their own. It wasn’t for lack of trying, mind you, they just hadn’t had any luck conceiving. After three years of waiting, it seemed they would have to look into some sort of help. 

Sarah and Andy decided that it was time to seek the advice of a fertility expert. In early 2014, the two traveled from their home in Tulsa, OK to St. Louis, MO to enlist the aid of a fertility specialist. The Justices drove for nearly six hours, but when they got there, they received more bad news… 


The specialist told the couple that while they were perfect candidates for in-vitro fertilization treatment, there was still only a 10% chance that they would ever become pregnant. The process was also a bit more invasive than the couple had been prepared for. What’s more, the process wasn’t exactly going to be cheap, either. 


As it turns out, in-vitro fertilization costs a pretty penny. The process would cost the Justices between $ 30,000 and $ 60,000. Between the extremely prohibitive cost and the fact that even if they did try it, it might not work, the couple decided that this was not the right path for them. So they went to the next logical step: adoption… 


Even adoption had certain difficulties attached to it, however. For one, the process can take years to finalize, and the Justices were, like most people who opt to adopt, interested primarily in newborn babies. Still, they were willing to do whatever they had to in order to get the ball rolling, including a series of interviews. 


As part of the adoption process, Sarah and Andy had to be interviewed by prospective birth mothers in order for them to determine if the couple would be suitable as parents. The interviews, while cordial and successful in the end, were exhausting and nervewracking for the Justices. Sadly, their struggle to build their family was far from over… 


The Justices had been accepted as adoptive parents on two separate occasions, following the interviews. Yet in both cases, the birth mothers had changed their minds at the last minute. Just when it seemed like everything was going smoothly, they had to start all over again. But they were not about to give up that easily. 


Finally, when they were at their lowest, the Justices received a call. One of their expectant mothers had accepted them as parents. They met with her again and even went with her to an ultrasound appointment. Everything appeared perfectly normal during the scan, but there was one little surprise that neither the mother nor the Justices had planned on: the woman was having triplets… 


Rather than try and renege on the agreement, the Justices decided to move forward with the adoption and accept all three babies. The papers were signed, after all. Sarah and Andy were about to become the proud parents of three beautiful newborns. It was not something they were initially prepared for… 


As a matter of fact, the situation actually suited the couple perfectly. They had already planned on having more than one child but had dreaded the prospect of undergoing adoption process a second time. It seemed that now they had the perfect situation: multiple children all at once. Soon they were ready to meet their newborn triplets… 


The babies, Hannah, Joel, and Elizabeth, were born in May 2013. In yet another twist of fate, the triplets were born eight weeks early. The tiny little babies weighed only about three pounds each, which meant that they had to be kept in neonatal intensive care for some time before they could go home with their new parents. 


A week after their premature birth, Sarah Justice decided to go to a doctor’s appointment by herself. The stress of the whole situation had been affecting her health slightly and she wanted to make sure she was feeling better by the time the triplets came home. When the doctor finally came in, he had some unbelievable news; she was not sick, she was pregnant. It was a miracle, and what’s more, she was expecting twins… 


Fate is a funny thing. While this amazing, and unlikely, occurrence would have felt like bad timing to most people, the Justices saw the humor in it. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on them either, or the difficulty that would come with raising five children all under a year old. But Sarah and Andy were mentally and emotionally prepared for what was to come. 


They were, of course, shocked, even slightly overwhelmed by the news, who wouldn’t be? But they had been longing for a family of their own for so long, they couldn’t help but she the unique situation as a true blessing. Soon they had welcomed their biological twins, Andrew and Abigail, into their home as well. It was going to be a big adjustment… 


The situation wasn’t easy, obviously. With five hungry babies, the couple didn’t sleep a whole lot in the first few months. Luckily, Sarah and Andy had the support of their community and their family. Friends, neighbors, members of their parish, everyone pitched in to help and provide for the new family of seven. 

Members of Tulsa’s Eastland Baptist Church began to send over food for the family as well. They sent cooked meals, frozen dinners, and baby formula. Their friends at church even offered to help watch the five Justice babies while the couple was away at work. And it wasn’t just food and time their friends provided, either… 


Diapers, bottles, blankets, clothing: it all came pouring in from donations around Tulsa. The supplies were sorely needed. The five infants went through a whopping 300 diapers and 84 bottles every week. And because it was such a task getting the kids from place to place, they had to get a bigger van. 


Sarah and Andy had a little trouble telling the babies apart at first, despite their slight age difference. To fix this, they came up with a system. The boys were easy enough, for obvious reasons. But for their older daughters, Hannah and Elizabeth, the parents used different colored toenail polish. Soon, the Justices were internet celebrities… 

The story of the Justice clan instantly went viral and in the three years that passed since the Justices became parents, they have gained an impressive Facebook following. The world is constantly looking at their fantastic photos and updates. In fact, the couple who thought they’d never be parents, even welcomed a sixth child in January of 2016. 


Despite the crazy demands that the Justices’ face each and every day, they say they wouldn’t change it for the world. Their lives have become all about the babies, but they both feel that it’s a good thing. “It was something we’ve wanted so badly that we love it,” says Sarah Justice. “We just really love having these children.” 

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Cat Survives For A Week In Home Destroyed By Santa Barbara Mudslide

Earlier in the month, landslides devastated the community of Montecito, California, leaving at least 20 people dead and several still missing. More than a hundred buildings were also destroyed or damaged, as roads became rivers of boulders. 

Experts pinned the blame on mountains rising and becoming unstable because of the region’s active faults. It’s believed that these were made even more unstable because recent wildfires had scorched much of the surrounding area’s vegetation, allowing much more rain into the soil

Lindsey and Woody Thompson were among those affected by the disaster, losing their home in the space of a few minutes. The couple were so afraid, they left goodbye messages for each other in case one of them did not make it. 

They were luck enough to survive, and were airlifted to safety after rescue teams were unable to get to their home by land. But in all the chaos, they lost their beloved cat Koshka. 

Despite getting separated, the couple were certain that Koshka was still alive. “We knew that she was alive and we knew that she was smart and she would find a safe spot,” Woody said

They reached out to Santa Barbara County Animal Services (SBCAS), who were helping track down lost animals and providing shelter to the animals of families who needed it. 

SBCAS sent a team to the house to see if they could find any signs of the cat. 

“Our teams went to the property as soon as we were able but we were not able to access the property safely,” they wrote in a statement.  

Because a local fire team was on the scene, they were able to get close enough to spot some positive signs but were also unable to enter the property. 

“We consulted with a nearby fire team who was unable to see Koshka but could see her muddy paw prints which gave us hope.”

The team returned daily from January 9th to the 15th, when officers Pennon and Lauren of the ASPCA felt it was safe to access the house through a window. There, they found Koshka caked in mud, but in good health and excited to see some human faces for the first time in more than a week. 

SBCAS recorded the tearful moment the family was reunited. 

“They called her the ‘pawprint kitty’ and she lived, and I just can’t thank you enough. We needed this. Thank you. You’re our heroes,” Lindsey says during the video. 

“Those small victories are so important. there’s so much devastation here and being able to reunite that cat with her family was special for me, was special for our department,” Officer Pennon told KEYT

As you can imagine, social media was touched by the reunion. The video has received over 3,000 shares since it was published. 

One Facebook user shared a similar experience and what it meant to them: 

“We lost our home, everything we had-barely managed to escape-from a wildfire in Nor Cal,” the commenter wrote. “A week later I got an email from Home Again, they found my cat (she was microchipped and the microchip was registered with current contact info), Animal Control found our cat. Burned, scared, and alive. We lost everything we own, but got our cat back. I feel these people’s joy. Congratulations!”

Others couldn’t imagine the same thing happening to them. 

“I own 7 kitties and can’t even imagine the thought of losing one of them like this,” another user wrote. “Thanks SO much to the rescuers who kept returning to search for this beauty and thanks to kitty Koshka for keeping the faith and having good instincts. Lots of tears here!” 

Others were quick to applaud all those involved in the rescue. 

“Thank you so much officer Pennon and partner Lauren. You made two people very happy because you took the time to rescue their kitty. There is a special place in heaven for people like you.”

“So nice to see something positive come from so much tragedy!”

“Thank you Officer Michael Snyder-Pennon from Dallas, Texas. There is a special place for people like you in heaven. What a selfless act sir. Thank you. You have helped start the healing process for this family.”

What an amazing moment. 

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People Offended By Background Graphic In Wheel Of Fortune's “Southern Charm” Week

In a promo to promote “Southern Charm Week” on Wheel of Fortune, Pat Sajak and Vanna White appeared in front of a backdrop which  appeared to feature black slaves working on a southern plantation. Yes, this is a real picture someone had to sign off on before it appeared on  National Television:

Others are trying to figure out how this could ever happen:

Many MANY people green-lighted this, that’s how you know that there are no POC in that team pic.twitter.com/D77g0xJv9q

— Isabelle (@bellecs) June 16, 2017

According to the Daily News, the structure in the backdrop is Oak Alley Plantation in Vacherie, Louisiana, which was built by slaves. The plantation has historical exhibits dedicated to the slaves who resided at Oak Alley, and many African American Employees dress in period costumes.

“Wheel of Fortune” visited Oak Alley in 2005 to shoot a remote, and the backdrop was apparently a screen-grab from some of their stock footage. Though the show has apologized and will fix the image in later airings, this entire situation shows that you can never be too careful about what you’re broadcasting on national television.

H/T – Huffpost, Twitter

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These Rose-Shaped Donuts Beat A Traditional Bouquet Any Day Of The Week

Getting someone a dozen flowers is a thoughtful and kind gesture.

So is getting them a dozen donuts. Slightly less romantic, but definitely yummier.

But what if you could somehow combine the two? No, I’m not talking about genetically modifying plants to look like miniature donuts.

I’m talking about these rose-shaped donuts offered by Doughnut Plant.

The petal-riffic donuts come in three different flavors: strawberry, Italian blood orange, and rose. 

The rose donuts are being offered “indefinitely” at all Doughnut Plant locations.

The cost for one of these bad boys? $ 5 each.

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19 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

Seriously, anything goes in America at this point.

What’s most absurd about this is that Sean Spicer actually hid in bushes. In real life. To avoid journalists.

But by all means, keeping gassing and firehosing protesters.

I just wish someone who thought the play was too “preachy” and over-dramatized the effects of racism saw that.

I mean, what else would you do with your money?

To quote Titus: “What kind of white nonsense is this?”

Never underestimate the power of the senate.

This craptastic festival story just gets stranger and stranger.

“We gotta use catapults, they’ve gotta be yuge!”

Wait…so those videos are real?!

Seriously, did no one beta-test with the coke fiends, first?

“If you don’t stop crying this instant, ya infant…”

There’s officially a President more corrupt and villified than Richard Nixon. Rest easy, Dick, you’re not the worst.

Please tell me they’re made by Acme enterprises.

Now it’s living up to its name.

God forbid someone exercises their right to free speech.

19. Man from Katy, TX who ordered prostitute discovers that she is his own wife

The real question is, how much did she charge him?

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17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

These are the stories that matter.

I’m just imagining a bro-doctor working day and night to come up with this method to hit on a coworker.

They’re also not fond of “Australia”, it’s now officially called “Down Under” or “English Convict Island”.

Looks like this dude’s gunning hard for the most out-of-touch jerkface politician award.

I hope they wipe these criminals out.

I hope the judge looked him before hitting the gavel and said, “Does not compute.”

Don’t you just love it when politicians presume to know what an all-powerful deity would’ve done?

This guy is the an idol to 13-year-old boys everywhere.

I know I’m getting old when I start siding with the woman.

Holy crap this cheating ex is brutal.

I always wondered what it would take to get a Wal-Mart greeter sacked. Good to know it’s curious turkeys.

I don’t think I’d ever agree with that statement, but the story’s kinda messed up.

Even a road will kill you in Russia.

Now if they were Sun Chips, I’d understand…

Oh really? Because I thought that tax dollars came from taxpayers, like, you know, citizens. Unless you’re getting money from private corporations, which is, you know, illegal.

Ahh, the old, “you can’t arrest me while I’m eating a McMuffin” defense.

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18 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

When you gotta make money, you get creative.

How the hell would that work?

I mean they are pretty awesome.

Thank God, blood isn’t as refreshing as it sounds.

“The bombs bursting in aiiiiir.”

I can’t share an area code with plebs!

When life gives you lemons…sell guns kids.

There’s a best tree award?

Just when I was getting used to this new diet.

Props to New Zealand for keeping up with the times.

Who knew the Israelites were so down with Britney?

What a sh**y way to go out.

For him, it’s a lifestyle.

You figured they’d just laugh it off.

I wish this was the extent of the problems with our nation’s leader.

Tag a different kind of wall.

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19 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. Donald Trump too hard to satirise, say South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone

south park

They should parody him by making him an actually good President in the show.

2. Virginia used to have an official groundhog; it killed itself on Groundhog Day


He won’t take part in your insulting ceremonies.

3. Police station fumigated after men caught in store sex act, report says


“It smells like sex in here. Oh well, only one way to fix that.”

4. ‘Tinder for orangutans’: zoo lets female primate choose mate using tablet

animal press

This Dunston Checks In sequel should’ve never been produced by Cinemax.

5. Woman won’t stop spending at Kmart, boyfriend complains


The craziest part about this headline is that there are still K-Marts around.

6. Man charged with stealing Roll Up The Rim Tim Hortons cups


You gotta win those prizes any way that you can.

7. Workington police blow up ‘suspicious’ car parked by fellow officers


This is why communication is very, very important ladies and gentlemen.

8. Good Samaritan offers man a ride, winds up ‘getaway driver’ in Columbia bank heist


No good deed goes unpunished.

9. Man shot cat that ‘looked at him like it owned the place’


Listen, I’m not condoning violence against animals, but I totally get where this guy is coming from.

10. Johnny Depp spent $ 3 million blasting Hunter S. Thompson’s ashes out of a cannon, ex-managers claim in lawsuit


Hey it’s his money, he can do what he want with it. That’s a good friend right there.

11. Oldest Prostate Stones Ever Found Suggest a Man Was in Agony 12,000 Years Ago


Doesn’t help him now, does it?

12. Five years of ‘no dinners out, no entertainment, no sports’ for two company execs who evaded taxes

You mean, jail?

13. Neither Donald Trump nor Sean Spicer Seem to Know That Frederick Douglass Is Dead

george k. warren

“He plays for the Bucks, right?”

14. Denis Leary acknowledges he looks exactly like Kellyanne Conway, eyes Oscar-winning role


Would be the funniest thing he’s ever done since the a**hole song.

15. New DC comic reinvents Snagglepuss as ‘Gay Southern Gothic Playwright’

hanna barbera

If anyone wants to get me a gift, please get me this.

16. Man’s daily vodka intake calcified his pancreas


I’ve been wondering when/how they were going to reboot this character.

17. Police commissioner all smiles after domestic violence arrest

south hackensack

Poor soul, he thinks that just because the President could get away with treating women like sh*t that he can too.

18. Clean energy subsidies could be used to build new coal power plants, Scott Morrison says


Yeah I mean, coal’s super clean, even canaries can breathe it in. That’s why miners would bring them down in the tunnels so much.

19. In corruption-riddled Romania, officials now allow room for modest abuses


They should call it “the partial scumbag” initiative.

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17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. Wannabe Weatherman Arrested for Starting Wildfire to Get Facebook Views


People like sensationalism, can you blame him?

2. New York Times publisher vows to ‘rededicate’ paper to reporting honestly


Guess I’ll disregard everything I’ve read in the paper up until today.

3. Suspected car thief tells police he was ‘tired of walking’

kent county jail

That’s a lot of work to be so lazy.

4. Amazon delivery drivers ‘feel compelled to defecate in vans’ to save time


Don’t blame your van crapping fetish on Amazon.

5. Burglar tells police he is lawyer and to “get out of my garden if you don’t have a warrant”


The balls on this guy.

6. Zuckerberg Denies Fake News On Facebook Had Impact On The Election


How could it be fake? I saw it on the internet?!

7. Anti-pirating ad music stolen


The freaking music they used in an anti-piracy ad was pirated. Wow.

8. George W. Bush paints portraits of veterans wounded carrying out his orders


“Sorry I made you lose your legs for corporate interests. Here’s a painting.”

9. Man buys yard sign to pressure sex offender to move


I wish I was there to hear what the guy at the sign shop said when he got this call.

10. Dead Man Wins City Election In California; Female Rival Calls Foul

Damn. Americans hate women in politics so much they’d rather elect a corpse or Donald Trump.

11. Facebook sorry for ‘terrible error’ that killed off still-living users


How crazy would it be if it put your date of death on a specific day in the near future?

12. Kraftwerk’s Buenos Aires show could be cancelled due to electronic music ban


Guess they’re more into metal.

13. Louisiana tax commissioner resigns after it’s discovered he didn’t pay taxes


He could always run for President.

14. Rats laugh when tummy tickled, top scientists reveal

the northern echo

Glad they got the top scientists on the case.

15. City of Denver doesn’t know who’s running “city of Denver” Instagram account


Insert marijuana short term memory loss joke here.

16. Fan plans Cleveland Browns ‘perfect season’ parade as team stays winless


They have to know they’re being ironic.

17. Man arrested for being too high on the Lord


You can never be too high on the Lord. That’s sacrilege!

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