This Guy Got Asked Out On A Date By A Wrong Number And It Escalated Quickly

There is a certain kind of guy who will immediately text the woman he is interested in a dick pic, and you can usually identify him because he opens the conversation with *creepy asterisks*

If you’ve never seen or encountered this style of text, it’s sort of like role playing. The speaker says everything they’re doing in asterisks, and they type out a lot of stuttering. It’s believed to have carried over from anime films, where stuttering is supposed to denote shyness or chivalry—but it basically never translates. It’s a huge red flag.

This is the story of a creepy asterisk guy named Brandon, who started one of these exact conversations with the girl he was crushing on. Except it was a wrong number. He was actually texting with a guy, Reddit user Th3GreenMan56. Thankfully, Th3GreenMan56 shared the whole conversation with us. And if you feel sorry for Brandon, remember he sent a dick pic.

You can see below that Brandon tries to be cute, but also refuses to believe he isn’t texting his fantasy girl, and also that she’d be thrilled to know what’s in his pants. Even if he wasn’t actually texting Th3GreenMan56, he’d be wrong!

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Yes.

Everyone’s favorite part of this conversation is Brandon’s weird sad no at the end.

Captain_Jaxen wrote, “The ‘no’ actually made me laugh quite a bit, like how much denial can you even have?”

Flamingo_of_lies said, “I love the denial sprinkled through the post the masses of excuses that must have ran through his head and when eventually faced with having to accept all his mistakes all he can force is a single meek broken ‘no.'”

Then there’s this chain:

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There were also a lot of questions about dick pics. Look, it’s 2018, I don’t know if we still need to keep discussing the psychology of the unsolicited dick pic. Clearly, the people who send them without asking do not care at all that the receivers don’t want them.

But folks still have questions!

“Could someone explain where this idea of showing your dick is somehow supposed to get you girls? You wouldn’t do it in real life so why pretend to be doing it all?” asked thelaughingmansghost, eventually editing to add,”Please stop replying to this comment, I’ve gotten more than enough answers.”

Here are a few of them:

Though some said they’d never understand it, even though they have a dick.

It’s too bad that our mustachioed hero had to deal with this unsolicited dick pic, but he was really taking one for the team.

Thank you to him, and also to Shannon, who did some quick thinking when she gave Brandon the wrong number. That’s a friend.

Love when girls support other girls!

But also, if you won’t ask someone for their number directly, you don’t deserve it.

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People Can't Believe They Were Wrong About The New Royal Baby's Name

There’s no doubt that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, AKA, William and Kate, are an adorable couple with an adorable family.

Just look at them.

And now there’s a new addition the the monarchy, a bouncing baby boy that Kate Middleton gladly presented to the world, looking absolutely stunning hours after delivery.

Because they’re royalty, and Kate Middleton’s beautiful, and they seem like pretty great people, there’s been a lot of interest in the monarchy’s personal lives. The latest gossip churning on the rumor mill were all the possible names the couple would pick for the latest addition to their family.

In fact there was so much hullabaloo surrounded by the new baby’s name announcement that bookies started placing bets on it, no fooling

The heavy favorite was “Albert,” like Prince Albert, who was married to Queen Victoria between 1840 and 1861. Let’s not also forget the equally important former WWE star.

But, rather quickly, it became evident that the bookies were probably wrong, even before the baby’s name was officially announced.

It turns out the child’s name isn’t one anyone expected: Louis Arthur Charles. Well, “Arthur” is in there, but as a middle name.

In addition to people gloating over how wrong the oddsmakers were, there were some different reactions to the news. Some pro-Brexit people immediately politicized the naming of the baby, calling the names “Remainer” ones.

While others used the naming as a chance to come up with some choice One Direction jokes.

Someone noticed a trend among men’s royal family names: that they’re all just being rearranged for different members of the monarchy.

Popular Arthurs were a bit upset that their name was relegated to the middle one…

Then there were some people who noticed that the dress Kate wore when she showed her baby to the world looked really, really familiar.

And although people had their own theories about the reasoning behind the naming of the new royal baby, and what he’d liked to be called…

There’s a bit of family history behind the naming of this little guy.

And if you lost some money by betting on Albert, well, one, why the heck are you betting on baby names anyway? Do something normal like a horse race. But, two, you can console yourself with the fact that the little guy is healthy and absolutely adorable.

Which is all anyone could ever ask for of a baby. Congratulations to the royal couple!

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White People Are Having The Wrong Reaction To Starbucks Closing For Racial Bias Training

White People Are Having The Wrong Reaction To Starbucks Closing For Racial Bias Training

About a week ago, two men were arrested in a Philadelphia Starbucks as they waited for a third friend to arrive and order drinks with them. ABC News reports the manager called the police, saying they were “refusing to make a purchase.” 

Video of the event sparked outrage, protests, and calls to boycott Starbucks:

Good Morning America‘s Robin Roberts had the two men, Donte Robinson and Rashon Nelson, in for an interview about what the fallout of their experience has been like.

Nelson said that when he walked in, he asked to use the restroom, but was refused, because he was told they were for paying customers. He says he “left it at that.” He then joined Robinson at a table. An employee approached them where they were seated and asked if she could help with anything. Both men say they were never actually asked to leave, only that they couldn’t use the restroom without buying anything.

Both were shocked when the police showed up.

“Initially, as soon as they approached us, they just said we have to leave,” Nelson said. “There was no question of, ‘Was there a problem here between you guys and the manager?,’ No ‘What happened?’”

“After the first time they walk over and said ‘you have to leave,’ I say ‘we’re here for a meeting,’” Robinson explained. Robinson offered to call the person they were waiting on, but was allegedly ignored. They were then put in handcuffs, reportedly without being informed as to why they were being arrested.

“We weren’t read any rights, nothing” Robinson said. “Just double-locked, handcuffed behind our back, and escorted out and put in a squad car.”

Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson has said that the incident was “completely inappropriate” and “reprehensible.” Johnson offered a personal apology to Robinson and Nelson, and the company decided they’d be closing all of their locations on May 29 so employees could receive racial bias training.

“While this is not limited to Starbucks, we’re committed to being a part of the solution,” Johnson said. “Closing our stores for racial bias training is just one step in a journey that requires dedication from every level of our company and partnerships in our local communities.”

Since the announcement, things have been somewhat fraught at Starbucks. Twitter user @the_myleg_fish (who says they’re in Ohio) shared what it’s been like working behind the Starbucks bar as May 29 approaches. Basically, white people are being extremely insensitive:

One day without Starbucks is something you can deal with, Becky.

Kelli R. Parker, who works for the New York Daily News, wrote to people considering a Starbucks boycott. As she says, the problem isn’t the company, the problem is racism:

There are people who don’t think the racial bias training will do much, but at least agree that Starbucks is trying to do something about a persistent issue:

It’s also important to consider how many people work for Starbucks, and who will have a day to either learn something new or share something of their experience. It could potentially make a huge difference if every franchise in America shut down for a day and had a serious educational workshop on racism. 

And if that means you have to make coffee at home one morning, so be it.

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Trump Supporters Are Angrily Tweeting At The Wrong Black Man–And We Aren't Surprised

This is LeVar Burton. You might recognize him from your childhood from the awesome show, Reading Rainbow.

This is LaVar Ball, a media personality, businessman, and father to three basketball players.

Recently, Donald Trump helped get Ball’s son LiAngelo and two of his teammates from UCLA out of shoplifting charges in China. Something that Ball didn’t thank Trump for, and a fact that the Donald was very, very upset about and went on a Twitter rant as a result.

The President went so far as to say he should’ve left the basketball players in a Chinese jail.

This is what Ball said that upset Trump so much.

In an ironic twist of events, Trump supporters started attacking LeVar Burton, you know, the man I previously mentioned who helped teach millions of kids across America how to read, instead of LaVar Ball. 

Probably because it’s too confusing to know more than one person of color with the same name (even though they’re spelled differently)??

Burton himself tweeted about the mistakes, finding humor in the entire situation.

Which is probably easy for him, considering he’s such a proven talent with tons of awards to back that up.

Soon, the rest of Twitter noticed the hilarious mix-ups and started getting in on the joke.

Trump supporters started getting roasted hardcore.

Pretty much, Kurt. Pretty much.

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Trump Tweets Happy Birthday To The Wrong Person, And Fox News Made It Worse

Country music singer Lee Greenwood, who composed “God Bless the USA,” celebrated a milestone the other day. Greenwood turned 75, and President Trump tried to join in the birthday wishes on Twitter.

The President tweeted:

President Trump took time out of his busy day to send birthday wishes to one of the handful of musicians who agreed to perform at his inauguration. What a lovely gesture. 

The only problem? He addressed his tweet to this Lee Greenwood:

It turns out @leegreenwood83 is a New York-based lawyer who prefers anti-Trump demonstrations to inaugurations. Awkward.

Trump deleted the tweet and reposted it to the proper Lee Greenwood within an hour:

But it was too late. Twitter had the receipts for both Trump and Fox News:

Lee the lawyer had an exciting day, and Lee the singer still got his birthday wishes.

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You've Probably Been Using Lemon Juicers Wrong This Whole Time

Juicing lemons with a handheld manual juice press can seem like an obvious process, but you might be missing a step that makes all the difference!

The common squeezing technique might look a bit like this:

The more practical and efficient way is to cut the bottom end of the citrus and let the convex part of the press flush out the juices by mashing the pulp.

This type of juicing technique fits in with other ways of juicing where the pulp is being pressed on by a convex structure and twisted.

If this comes as a shock to you, you are not alone!

It’s never too late to learn something new! Take this tip and make the most out of your citrus juicing adventures.

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