There is a certain kind of guy who will immediately text the woman he is interested in a dick pic, and you can usually identify him because he opens the conversation with *creepy asterisks*
If you’ve never seen or encountered this style of text, it’s sort of like role playing. The speaker says everything they’re doing in asterisks, and they type out a lot of stuttering. It’s believed to have carried over from anime films, where stuttering is supposed to denote shyness or chivalry—but it basically never translates. It’s a huge red flag.
This is the story of a creepy asterisk guy named Brandon, who started one of these exact conversations with the girl he was crushing on. Except it was a wrong number. He was actually texting with a guy, Reddit user Th3GreenMan56. Thankfully, Th3GreenMan56 shared the whole conversation with us. And if you feel sorry for Brandon, remember he sent a dick pic.
You can see below that Brandon tries to be cute, but also refuses to believe he isn’t texting his fantasy girl, and also that she’d be thrilled to know what’s in his pants. Even if he wasn’t actually texting Th3GreenMan56, he’d be wrong!
Everyone’s favorite part of this conversation is Brandon’s weird sad no at the end.
Captain_Jaxen wrote, “The ‘no’ actually made me laugh quite a bit, like how much denial can you even have?”
Flamingo_of_lies said, “I love the denial sprinkled through the post the masses of excuses that must have ran through his head and when eventually faced with having to accept all his mistakes all he can force is a single meek broken ‘no.'”
Then there’s this chain:
There were also a lot of questions about dick pics. Look, it’s 2018, I don’t know if we still need to keep discussing the psychology of the unsolicited dick pic. Clearly, the people who send them without asking do not care at all that the receivers don’t want them.
But folks still have questions!
“Could someone explain where this idea of showing your dick is somehow supposed to get you girls? You wouldn’t do it in real life so why pretend to be doing it all?” asked thelaughingmansghost, eventually editing to add,”Please stop replying to this comment, I’ve gotten more than enough answers.”
Here are a few of them:
Though some said they’d never understand it, even though they have a dick.
It’s too bad that our mustachioed hero had to deal with this unsolicited dick pic, but he was really taking one for the team.
Thank you to him, and also to Shannon, who did some quick thinking when she gave Brandon the wrong number. That’s a friend.
Love when girls support other girls!
But also, if you won’t ask someone for their number directly, you don’t deserve it.